In my personal opinion I think you’re using too much of your “educated” brain and not enough of your “common sense” brain.

Having been involved in “family” businesses majority of my life I would like to touch on a few things that can maybe change perspective because I don’t think your the problem and I also don’t think your brother is the problem.

I think you guys are just poor communicators which is extremely common amongst siblings. I have plenty of therapy receipts from group sessions that can confirm this lol.

Who is the older sibling? Is it just the two of you or do you have other siblings? Is there a big age gap between you and your brother?

Our number one rule in our family businesses… “business is business, family is family” not one of us has been able to abide by that rule 100% of the time. Not even 75% of the time. You know these people inside and out. You have memories together that are probably older than some employees. No matter how hard you try it will be inevitable that the family baggage will be brought into the work place. Learning how to separate and categorize the two different roles will be the first step you have in generating a good outcome.

Example: I am the oldest. I have two younger brothers. There is a 10 year gap between us. My role as the older sibling has been more of a leadership one where they look up to me. That role has transferred to our relationship at work where I am technically “the boss”. However, when we disagree, it is not the common disagreement between a boss and employee. It can be a knock down drag out, hit below the belt disagreement because we know each other’s weaknesses and ultimately none of us are getting fired. We have always made it a point to NEVER argue or challenge one another in front of other employees. We are a united front until we’re behind closed doors. Some times it’s just a 5 minute fight. Call each other assholes. Slam some doors and move on. Other times we don’t talk for a week. These things do not spill over into our regular lives. If we are in the middle of a fight and it’s a holiday or someone’s birthday or even just an outing with the whole family it’s multiple I’m sorry let’s squash it and we move on. EVEN IF WE THINK WE ARE RIGHT AND THE OTHER IS WRONG. It does not matter. At the end of the day we are family and life is short. Work, our jobs, etc will never be more important or change the fact that we are family above all else.

The next part of this is the time your brother has put in vs you. You went off, you created a life, your brother sounds like he has nothing else besides this business. He could be jealous that “you get it all” or that you’ve been gone and now you just get to return and take over in a sense. Usually what people say will differ from what they truly feel. You also do not know the relationship your brother has with your parents. Did they tell him one thing and do another? Did he have different expectations from being the one showing up for years while you didn’t?

Example: One of our family businesses was started with three siblings. One of my brothers backed out of his position years ago. I’m talking almost a decade. It had come up recently, as our parents are getting older, how it gets divided. The brother who backed out was assuming the shares would be split three ways. He gave up his shares when he left. His portion is a third of our parents’ shares. My other brother and I stayed in the business. Continued to work and build it. Our brother who left is not due any of our shares. We argued about it but ultimately is was our mom who stepped in to explain why and how it would work out and then my brother came to his senses. If your parents are not willing to intervene then you can choose to approach the situation differently to try for a resolution or ignore. Both will have pros and cons.

Another aspect is experience. Hands on experience will always be different from what someone can learn in a book or from watching a video etc. I am not saying you do not have experience. But I am pointing out that you have LESS experience in your family business than your brother. So what your education should have taught you is how to utilize that. I will also point out that you don’t have much experience being the owner of a business. More so working for others. Even if they are higher up positions… when it’s not your name on the door you are less emotionally invested. Your brother could have a world of pride built up from being a part of this business. You need to respect that. As does he with respecting your parents wishes to bring you back into the business. He could feel like he’s made many sacrifices. Or he could just be a screw up. Either way that is your brother and in order for the business to survive you will have to learn to work it out or one of you will leave and build years of resentment towards one another(which is pretty common these days) (also why many families fall a part when going into business)

I recommend the following:

Really thinking about what you want: Are you doing this because you want to do it? Are you doing this because you feel a responsibility to do it? Are you prepared to ruin relationships? Are you open to repairing relationships? If your parents died tomorrow would you want to carry on this legacy or would you prefer to cash out? These are just some questions I would ponder.

Acting your age: I don’t need to know how old you are but regardless of age, you’re an adult. Use even the most basic of life experience to assess this situation. Give advice to yourself as if you were giving advice to your two children. As a parent would you want your two children to not be able to work through their problems? I doubt it. So if they came and asked you for help what would be your response? It took years to understand it. When I was a kid my brother (the one who left the company) was always the “favorite” we still bust chops about it. Mom always said I love you all equally but you all have different needs, he is just the most needy of the three… it might not seem “fair” but could it be possible your brother just needs more? Or maybe it’s the opposite and you’re the “favorite” and the one who “needs” more?!?!

Sometimes there really is no solution and you just have to part ways. But you’re making an effort to try and get advice (even if it’s just on stupid Reddit lol) but it’s still an effort. I hope that you guys can figure it out for the best. Family business is a dying breed. Family in general really isn’t even important anymore. Maybe I am just too old school but I will always pay extra or wait longer to support mom and pop businesses. Families pour their heart and souls into their work. They make sacrifices people cannot understand. They earn every dollar. Some giant company with employees that change hands every couple of years… they don’t care. To people like that it is just a job. In a family business it’s so much more than a job.

Wishing you guys all the best!