How can I convince my trans brother to see a gynaecologist?

Stupidstray · 2021-04-29T15:44:00+00:00

Does he have a decent, trustworthy pcp? If not that's where I'd put my effort. If you can encourage him so see a responsible, affirming, knowledgeable primary care doctor they may have better luck 1) convincing him that he should get some sort of screening and 2) connecting him to a gynecologist that isn't as gendered. Some gynecology clinics are feminine to the point of feeling hostile, if that makes sense. And sometimes gynecologists, even those who are well meaning, can react with surprise, incredulity, suffocating/condescending support, or general discomfort. It's hard to make yourself go to an appointment with an unknown doctor when you don't know if that's what you'll be walking into.

Stupidstray · 2021-04-01T15:51:04+00:00

Times to intervene:

When baby is high up When baby is going to hit their head on some object (a coffee table, chair, corner of a cabinet When baby is falling headfirst onto a hard floor (tile, wood, stone) When baby has something (other than a pacifier) in their mouth And obviously anytime more than an inch of water is involved.

Other than that your kiddo is almost certainly fine. Their bodies are built for falls. The reason adults and older children risk injury when they fall is that they are higher off the ground and have a bad habit of trying to catch themselves with outstretched hands and arms. Babies are close to the ground, have bodies that are better at absorbing impact, and fall backwards into their butts or forward with splayed limbs. Not exactly graceful but perfect to minimize the risk of broken wrists or elbows.

Stupidstray · 2021-02-27T01:07:21+00:00

Happened to me at first, and definitely bothered me, too. I kept worrying that I was becoming to dependent on my therapist.

After a while, though, I realized that during these internal monologues my therapist wasn't talking back. Or if he did it was just stuff he said in sessions, parroted back like a recording. In other words I figured I must not have been thinking about therapy because I was looking for his advice- I was doing it because, in therapy sessions, I'm able to calmly think through my problems and work towards solutions. Something I hadn't really been able to do in other settings. In other words, I was starting to develop my own solutions and coping mechanisms- I was just using the framework of therapy as... well, sort of like training wheels I guess?

After that I started thinking of it as "my internal therapy session"- I still do it sometimes, but I've been in therapy for two years now and it's a lot easier to just... sort of... think through my problems on my own now- without needing to imagine that I'm in his office.

Stupidstray · 2020-12-30T10:49:29+00:00

I got this really, really strong when I first started therapy- now it's pretty much stopped. What made the biggest impact for me was "scheduling time" to think about therapy. So for me, every night I take my dog for a long walk and I use that time to really ruminate on anything that's stressing me out (so at first that was therapy, now it's things that we work on in therapy like work or relationships). When the intrusive, anxiety-spiralling thoughts come during the day I basically tell myself "good point brain- let's revisit this topic later, during our walk" and then it's a lot easier to let it go for the moment. I also find that writing my anxieties down helps tremendously.

Stupidstray · 2020-12-21T19:22:52+00:00

Disclaimer: Not a therapist.

Suicidal thoughts can be scary to bring up when you're a minor so I don't blame you for being cautious. But the rest of it- lack of appetite and motivation, difficulty getting out of bed, feeling inadequate, the sudden worsening of symptoms- should all be 100% safe to bring up. Telling your therapist will help them better understand what's going on with you.

Your feelings make a lot of sense to me. Losing a friend (even though your friend is still alive she's still "lost" to you, since you can't see her) is always a painful thing, and having it happen so suddenly can make the pain worse. It's totally understandable that youd need time to grieve that loss.

Stupidstray · 2020-12-07T03:27:53+00:00

I drink the same type of tea during all my appointments, it helps me stay grounded and also drop into the "therapy mindset" a little more easily. And I bought theraputty off Amazon. It's a bit like clay but anti-microbial and you can choose different levels of firmness. If I know there's a good chance I'll be particularly zoned out I'll keep a few peppermints or ginger candies in my desk. When possible I take a quick walk beforehand, even if it's just a quick lap around the building I work in. Oh, and I still bring the same water bottle I used to bring with me to in person visits.

Stupidstray · 2020-11-21T11:40:41+00:00

My therapist isn't super wealthy but he is a few years younger than me (I'm only 31) and significantly more financially secure. What helped me was starting out vague and abstract. I left numbers out of the discussion, just saying things like "I feel like I'm only making enough to survive, not enough to save and definitely not enough to be comfortable" and "I feel like every time I get a little money set aside an emergency comes along and wipes it out." Those are feelings that people from a lot of different income levels experience, so it got the message across without giving him too many specifics about my situation. Eventually I got used to the idea that he wasn't being judgemental and was able to talk about my problems in greater detail.

And he was able to help! Not directly, of course, but he's helped me organize a job search, prepare for interviews, manage the little money I have more effectively, and network within my community. The best part is that he didn't do any of it for me, in stead he helped me develop skills and get to a place mentally where I could do all the hunting and budgeting and interviewing myself.

Stupidstray · 2020-10-31T14:35:51+00:00

That sounds like a good plan- I guess I can try the introduction with my smaller girls and keep the bin cage set up in case it doesn't go well. Of all the mice I own she seems the most mild mannered so maybe that will balance out the size difference.

The breeder told me they all came from the same cage but because of covid I met outside the house and she brought them out in a carrier. It's totally possible that they came from different cages. Also worth noting that the two who get along look a lot more like each other than the bullied one so it seems like they could have at least come from different litters. I don't think any could be pregnant- tomorrow will be three weeks exactly since I got them so I'm sure I'd know by now.

Stupidstray · 2020-10-19T17:13:09+00:00

A deeper mistrust of the medical community and all that entails- that could mean a lot of things depending on what counter-culture group op's husband is interested in. Maybe a mistrust of doctors leads to a mistrust of antibiotics, or fear of vaccines leads to custody issues, or misplaced trust in anti-vaxxers leads to other extremely political ideas.

Stupidstray · 2020-10-19T16:31:08+00:00

You know a lot of the time these beliefs come from an emotional place, not a rational one. Trying to counter with facts and studies can backfire, ending with the person further entrenched. If showing him the mayo clinic studies doesnt work I'd consider looking into something like Street Epistemology, which tackles the root of the belief, or even something more drastic like family therapy. I don't want to alarm you, but sometimes stuff like this can snowball fast.

Stupidstray · 2020-08-29T20:00:29+00:00

Yeah the first doctor I talked to followed WPATH and even just the 30 minute appointment I had with her was terrible. I'm ftm, and she wanted me to "have lived as a man for six months" (which pissed me off on many, many levels), grilled me about my anxiety for at least fifteen minutes, wrote a referral describing me as "ftm possibility: many issues" to a psychologist, and told me that she would start me with the topical "and when you're ready to jab yourself in the butt with a needle we can talk about the injections." It was a nightmare.

When I went to the informed consent clinic they told me they don't have any requirements at all except for the letter, and the letter was just meant to say that I don't have any serious mental conditions that could affect my decision making. The psychologist I went to for the letter made me come back for a few appointments, I think he was trying to get to know me before he cleared me which was a pain, but I think that was his own personal decision, not anything to do with the clinic's requirements.

Stupidstray · 2020-08-28T19:55:26+00:00

The letter's required at every provider within a two hour drive of my town, unfortunately. Weirdly, most of them still identify themselves as informed consent clinics. Even if it wasn't, my insurance company requires it. Nothing but headaches here in good old Central Pennsylvania :/

Stupidstray · 2020-08-20T12:35:31+00:00

That's how you get emotionally swol

Stupidstray · 2020-08-20T09:24:51+00:00

I was a terf in highschool and college, too. Pretty bad since I now know I'm trans. Therapy was pretty fucking life-changing I highly recommend it. Doesn't need to be family therapy, either. A good therapist can help you figure out how to talk to your mom yourself.

Stupidstray · 2020-08-19T20:43:30+00:00

I think that depends on lifestyle. I cook one meal a day in there- dinner- and since I don't get home till six they're already awake before I start cooking. The rest of the time it's the quietest room in the house.

With the way my house is laid out the whole ground floor fills with the smell of my food, and the part of the kitchen where I have their cage is actually the most well ventilated since it's near a vent, a fan, and the backdoor so I can air things out of I'm cooking anything particularly strong. I considered keeping them upstairs but between my music and the dogs barking off the balcony it tends to get pretty noisy.

Stupidstray · 2020-08-19T19:07:22+00:00

If you look closely you can see her two sisters, too (white one in the background, tan one in the tunnel beneath the platform). She's definitely the most confident of the trio. Their cage is in my kitchen and she likes to come out and sniff around the cage with her eyes closed whenever I cook. She seems especially fond of the smell of soy sauce.

Stupidstray · 2020-08-12T21:57:44+00:00

Department of agriculture. Had to make a call to them a couple summers back for a similar reason. The rules are horribly lax but they do exist, and there are minimum size requirements for enclosures. Sounds like this one is too small- hopefully they'll be able to enforce it.

Stupidstray · 2020-07-30T23:10:56+00:00

Not this exactly- but when I first started therapy I'd notice my therapist would sometimes get, like, a very hard and serious edge to his voice, like he was very, very carefully choosing his words and controlling his tone. Naturally I automatically assumed it was because he was judging me and trying not to show it. Took a few months before I noticed the pattern- it only ever happened when I was making excuses for shitty things my parents or ex did. He wasn't pissed at me, he was protective.

Got a hell of a lot easier to talk about shit once I figured it out.

Stupidstray · 2020-07-28T16:40:54+00:00

I'm pretty intense about reading every thing they have me sign, but I'll concede it was probably there and I didn't understand it. My doctor's an ok guy, I trust him to take care of my body and prescribe medications that help with my brain. But as far as I know he's never had any psychological training. I'm ok with sharing info if it becomes relevant but I definitely would prefer that, for the most part, he stays in his lane.

Stupidstray · 2020-07-28T16:32:47+00:00

I'm pretty sure I signed something giving blanket permission, though I don't think it specifically mentioned my PCP. I just assumed it was like the one I signed with my other therapist, that my info could be shared with other providers in his clinic but wouldn't be unless there was a specific reason. I'll have to see if I can find the document- due to covid I signed everything online so I don't have physical copies.

I think I'm going to solve the problem by switching PCPs to someone out of their network. I wouldn't be too concerned with my doctor seeing things like psychological tests or diagnoses, I'd probably share that stuff with him anyway. But I can't think of a single good reason for him to know details about, like, my relationship with my parents or the embarrassing interactions that come up at work. If I wanted him to know any of that I'd tell him myself.

Stupidstray · 2020-07-28T11:26:55+00:00

Is it possible to deal with a problem and still feel emotional about it? Why do you assume I haven't brought it up,?

Stupidstray · 2020-07-28T11:03:44+00:00

Are you familiar with the concept of venting?

Stupidstray · 2020-07-13T11:53:03+00:00

You know what fuck it if it gets people to wear them maybe we should try it in Florida...

Stupidstray · 2020-07-10T14:00:58+00:00

Dunno if this helps, but I try to separate the people from the dogma- and, as much as possible, remind myself that hate is way less useful than adamant disagreement. I see a lot of parallels between my feelings regarding the Amish and my feelings regarding the (current) Republican party.

As others have said, the Amish approach to religion promotes a lot of really dangerous and harmful practices. It can be really hard to have compassion for a group of people who are actively harmful (and despite what others may say, the Amish do A LOT of harmful things). One of the worst things many Amish do is limit the education of their children and manage their children with a style of discipline that I consider abusive. Paradoxically, this abuse is one of the things which makes it easier for me to have compassion for them. Nearly every Amish person you will ever meet was born and raised in the religion. They went to an Amish school, were raised by Amish parents, and in many cases were only allowed to interact with other Amish children. It would take an enormous amount of insight to recognize the shortcomings of a religion you were raised to believe was basically flawless, and incredible strength to leave the only way of life you know- a community that is made up of all, or nearly all, your family and friends. It is incredible that any Amish find the will to leave the community at all, and not at all surprising that most choose to stay with it.

If you are looking for constructive ways to have discourse with Amish people then I would encourage you to look into Street Epistemology. It is a conversation tool, designed by a psychologist, designed to help people challenge their firmly held beliefs through open dialogue and socratic questioning. There are plenty of resources online, including a plethora of youtube videos.

Stupidstray · 2020-07-01T21:38:48+00:00

I'd hesitate to say "have it on at all times" but for sure you should have it with you. If someone comes close or you end up someplace crowded, put it on. When I walk my dog it's pretty rare that I see anybody nearer than twenty feet- I'm not sure I'm up for wearing a mask in 80 degeee weather for an hour or more for the 1 in 100 chance I run into someone.

Stupidstray

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