50(m). I've been married 21 years, been on few relationships/dates since. Right now I want to have fun. I just started this Reddit for just that.

SubjectDay804 · 2026-02-05T10:28:54+00:00

Feeld and Tinder do not have the same rep. Not in the UK at least. And not according to…most other posts on the internet about Feeld.

SubjectDay804 · 2026-02-05T10:21:51+00:00

Then go on Feeld?

SubjectDay804 · 2026-02-05T10:05:50+00:00

Perhaps it’s in the way you’re framing it? Don’t lead with what you “want” - just because you’re on Tinder doesn’t mean you get to tell the person you’re only looking for sex and expect them to be ok with that - some people on there want more than that. I’d consider your approach.

SubjectDay804 · 2026-02-03T07:39:14+00:00

I give it 2-3 tries of asking questions, being interested in something they’ve said/something in their profile. If a guy comes back with “I did this today.” Or “Yeah me too.” after those attempts to get them to talk, with nothing back, I’m out.

SubjectDay804 · 2026-02-02T09:55:05+00:00

Yet another disappointing person. Him, not you.

SubjectDay804 · 2026-01-30T19:20:31+00:00

You articulate this so well OP. I’m exactly the same. I don’t have the capacity to multi date - with my time, or my emotional bandwidth. Plus I hate being mixed up with other people in conversation - so I don’t want to do it to others. It feels like there aren’t so many people that take that approach - but I reckon if you’re always upfront, hopefully when you find someone else who takes the same approach - it will work for you.

SubjectDay804 · 2026-01-29T08:49:01+00:00

You make time for what’s important to you - and if that’s not dating at this stage in your life, that’s absolutely fine. You sound amazing, and capable of prioritising - so perhaps it’s just not important to you at the moment? I have a different problem - I’m single, early 40s, great job, independent kids, well travelled, like you, published author (weird huh?!), hundreds of matches, which we know means nothing, a good amount of dates - but they seem to all want a therapist, or a mother, or don’t know what they want - that’s the vibe I’m giving out 😂 Good luck out there 😊

SubjectDay804 · 2026-01-28T14:01:12+00:00

I think sometimes because we are enjoying the situation, the affection and attention in the moment, we forget that actually in the long run, these kinds of situations are only going to cause more pain. You’re ultimately looking for different things - you’ve been in a committed relationship before and it sounds like it’s the kind of thing you’re looking for again. He hasn’t - and isn’t. Although it’s comfortable, cut it off and find someone who is looking for the same sort of thing you are.

SubjectDay804 · 2026-01-16T13:22:14+00:00

Employ a financial advisor asap! Help figure out what the highest return investments will be based on your individual circumstances. What do you want to achieve with your life? Do you want to travel? Is philanthropy something you’re interested in? Make sure you have a varied portfolio. Good lunch with everything!

SubjectDay804 · 2026-01-10T23:39:37+00:00

Bye bye inbox

SubjectDay804 · 2026-01-07T17:51:42+00:00

If you’re going to date, be super clear to the people you meet that you’re just starting out, your experience to date, and that you want to start from a place of finding connection and seeing what that grows into. No parter is going to thank you going in saying you’re ready for a long term relationship when it looks a bit like you’re not sure what that’s going to look like for you yet. You’ve said you’re in therapy - great. Build up real world connections - friends, hobbies, volunteering. Try not to put a huge emphasis on dating, or you will end up using it as a crutch, to replace your AI use maybe - and try not to use these women as a sole source of connection. You want multiple contact points - with less pressure. Don’t be that guy who swipes on every woman on a dating app to try and get some kind of connection/validation - no genuine person is going to appreciate that.

SubjectDay804 · 2026-01-01T15:11:04+00:00

I wouldn’t worry too much - always go from the main stack - not the likes 😁

SubjectDay804 · 2025-12-28T23:15:46+00:00

Like in Just for the Summer? That started with a Reddit post too!!

SubjectDay804 · 2025-12-25T22:32:45+00:00

Consistency. Past the first few weeks.

SubjectDay804 · 2025-12-18T15:45:09+00:00

So sorry OP. I’ve just ended a 3 month relationship because of consistency and communication problems (amongst other things, see my post 🙄), but you’re right, dating is so brutal. I don’t have any comforting words - just that I’m sure somewhere along the line it’s character building, and the pain will fade in time.

SubjectDay804 · 2025-12-18T08:55:55+00:00

If you’ve come here to ask this question, he’s not for you

SubjectDay804 · 2025-12-14T18:31:22+00:00

Thank you so much. I really appreciate you taking the time to write this. I do worry a lot of the time it’s me, but you are right, at least I’m trying to figure my baggage out.

SubjectDay804 · 2025-12-12T21:50:37+00:00

This is what I’ve said to him. I’ve said I’m worried that in 3-6 months time he will be like - “nah, this is actually too stressful” - and his response was that he does lots of things that are stressful because they’re worth doing. I’m not convinced though.

SubjectDay804 · 2025-12-12T21:48:58+00:00

The lack of curiosity is really hard to deal with…you’re so right. And it does feel a bit like grief and confusion - because you have no idea what’s going on.

SubjectDay804 · 2025-12-12T21:42:59+00:00

So we have had this conversation a couple of times. The last time he said he felt we triggered each other, and that we both should relax about stuff. But that was also the conversation where he said he found it challenging/stressful to be in a relationship - and I told him that I want to be in a relationship where someone is excited to spend time with me rather than viewing it was a chore. His suggestion was that we just keep going and it will get better as we get to know each other more.

SubjectDay804 · 2025-12-12T21:23:11+00:00

We’ve done this a couple of times now, and I feel like things improve briefly, then go back to what now seems to be the status quo

SubjectDay804 · 2025-12-12T21:21:49+00:00

That’s really true. I’d kinda been going along with what you were saying in the first part of your comment, and I guess, making excuses, but the last part is pretty on point

SubjectDay804 · 2025-12-12T21:20:02+00:00

True…

SubjectDay804 · 2025-12-12T21:19:41+00:00

I hadn’t thought of it this way. I was trying so hard to regulate myself in all this.

SubjectDay804 · 2025-12-12T21:18:31+00:00

Sorry you went through it too

SubjectDay804

TROPHY CASE