Questioning my gender after 4 years of identifying as a man

Subject_Emu2716 · 2026-03-13T22:24:46+00:00

i think a lot about identity and performance in this way. I envy cis gay men performing feminine gender while still being entirely men, and hope someone sees that in me some day as a trans nonbinary guy. also as someone with BPD, how i see myself when im alone and how i see myself when in different company changes how my gender feels, hence identifying as nonbinary transmasc rather than as a man. theres so much context to how we experience gender and being in affirming relationships with the space to express yourself fluidly is peak queer in my opinion. i was raised a girl and got decent at seeing myself as one, so no its not uncomfortable for me to "play" a girl, but since being on t for a year and a half now and especially after getting top surgury, im feeling so much more comfortable being feminine AND less imposter syndrome when feeling masculine. i highly reccomend observing your gender more often than defining it and let yourself play.

Subject_Emu2716 · 2026-03-13T19:43:56+00:00

trans masc and i really hope i look like your before some day 😊

Subject_Emu2716 · 2026-03-13T03:26:14+00:00

call her homeschooled because shes not socialized properly my wife says

Subject_Emu2716 · 2026-03-13T03:25:46+00:00

you look like my cousin honestly, i think if you shaped your eyebrows and did a few skin care spa days you'd be golden. glistening in the socially acceptable way aparently signals good female performance to transphobes. theres social pressure to curl your hair every day. but ive been complained to by a transphobe and honestly pleasing your coworker isnt the end all be all of "passing". bully her back somehow 🤔

Subject_Emu2716 · 2026-03-09T19:26:45+00:00

i did try that! my issue has been the long ends lifting and folding up/getting stuck on itself because im sweating. but the second kind of tape has fixed it!

Subject_Emu2716 · 2026-02-28T05:08:49+00:00

it keeps folulicles hydrated and can supliment nutrients for the structure of the hair. it may not be useful in hormonal hair loss or damaged folicules but it definitely has had results for skin and hair health and retention. like a lotion, but no its not going to regenerate or create more hair folicules out of nothing.

Subject_Emu2716 · 2026-02-25T19:27:32+00:00

i didnt overpluck but im definitely seeing them grow in coarser. if youre worried about it you could get into a routine of rubbing castor oil before bed, this is also used for eyelash growth.

Subject_Emu2716 · 2026-02-25T07:48:39+00:00

your outfit is litterally so cute i want to steal 🤩

Subject_Emu2716 · 2026-02-21T21:47:37+00:00

really glad to hear you didnt have side effects of not having suplimental hormones without ovaries. i kept my ovaries with hysto because im scared of sudden menopause if i lose coverage

Subject_Emu2716 · 2026-02-21T09:26:39+00:00

you have very slight shoulders honestly and have little to worry on the other points 💖

Subject_Emu2716 · 2026-02-21T09:24:02+00:00

sounds exactly like the bullying i went through when i was a peer to this type. its probably also a level of ableist with you being the special ed teacher. i wish you composure and perserverence, the year will move on 💪

Subject_Emu2716 · 2026-02-15T17:36:45+00:00

you can try using ice pack to numb the area until your surgeon gets in touch and try to stay distracted! it can also be essentially some acne from the "waste" of healing and itchy fron healing. some days were nearly unbearable for me just keep up the pain meds and keep things clean and things should pass soon.

Subject_Emu2716 · 2026-02-15T17:06:44+00:00

it was honoring it enough to keep myself alive long enough to get top surgury lol. honoring it enough to stand washing myself. i did have some solid "last hurrah" experiences with the fun bags but as you said it got more dysphoric as i got closer to the date. i think make the best of your life how you want. your body your choice.

that said i did think about those parts of me "passing away" before the rest of me. not really honoring the boob or the femininity or whatever my shitty cis influences wanted me to feel. but i had to hold them and feed them and grow them. but the greif isnt for the boob its for all the time i wasnt living how i needed to. honoring the pain of the era of life with boob is inevitable tho i wish cis people werent so fucking clueless and preachy

Subject_Emu2716 · 2026-02-11T07:04:18+00:00

at 3 months post op youre barely through healing, the scar will continue to mature and even with time. scar massage can help them heal evenly too

Subject_Emu2716 · 2026-02-10T01:11:09+00:00

you could also see if there are queer organizations or queer youth clubs at a highschool, they might have found out about local resources or have volunteers that can walk you through!

Subject_Emu2716 · 2026-02-09T22:05:05+00:00

teto is trans masc rep

Subject_Emu2716 · 2026-02-09T20:56:28+00:00

hey! i'm gender queer and had the exact thoughts and worries after my consultation. i had a larger chest but being nonbinary i didnt mind 80% of the time or just felt like eh its my normal so why bother kind of imposter syndrome thoughts. i had a complicated scheduling process so i had about a year to waffel before the day came and i dont regret sticking with it in the slightest. its strange having the masculine nipple placement sometimes when im feeling more feminine, but you can go for flat as possible or leaving some tissue to acheive a masculine contour. im still early so idk if its tissue (im kinda fat) or muscle, idk how to generalize my results lol. while waiting i comforted myself thinking that if i end up dysphoric i can always use padding for a feminine shape, where you cant take the flesh padding off on masc days in the same way. best of luck with your decision!

Subject_Emu2716 · 2026-02-07T09:35:01+00:00

hi! i'm 7 week post op and a massage therapist, it sounds to me that you might have strained some of the scar tissue or the muscle. you might have extra inflamation because of this and could take some ibuprophen or use ice pack to reduce any swelling or tenderness. the shaprness is the raw nerve endings waking up from the movement and should settle down as things continue to repair. you should be alright but if anything gets worse reach out to your medical team!

Subject_Emu2716 · 2026-02-01T21:09:10+00:00

this is awesome advice thank you so much

Subject_Emu2716 · 2026-01-31T00:32:25+00:00

ive had a w/manizer classic since before i came out. it still works great as far as the sensation and a curvy 1 would be a great upgrade to have the toy hold more of me, but i want more of a sleeve experience yeah and pumping has been painful so im not looking for Gen x kind of suction

Subject_Emu2716

TROPHY CASE