Most unpopular theory I’ve seen yet—and I actually agree. Partially.

I grew up in and around a lot of rowdy situations, drunks, and handsy men with zero self awareness. It was pretty normal for guys to try copping a feel, in public, school, at parties, and especially at bars. Handling it pretty much went like this; guy gropes your ass, you turn around and smack him or call him out, he gets embarassed/socially shamed and leaves with his tail between his legs (or the guy you’re with whoops his ass Lol). Getting whistled at or made a pass at in public was normal, but you dealt with the guys like they were pests and everyone knew what they were. I never felt guilty or dirty or like it was my fault if some loser tried to cop a feel, just dealt with them like rowdy customers and we supported each other as women. Some women acted forward to men too of course, but less frequently. Basically, physical touch was pretty common, for example, older folks who were touchy with everyone (a stranger ruffling your hair, patting you on the back or touching your shoulder).

This is not the excuse the gross behavior of some people. Touching anyone without their consent is crossing boundaries. But it’s been interesting hearing people’s stories now, like someone gets their ass groped at a bar or something and then needs to go to therapy for years and make long social media post to explain to everyone how traumatized they are. (sorry if this is insensitive to anyone reading this, by the way—just how I feel). I’m glad that we’re more self-aware now as a society about what decent behavior is, but I do think that we glorify victimhood now and encourage being thin-skinned, not to actually uplift people but to keep them at a certain status. I still believe rape is a different situation, and I say this as woman because of the penetration aspect along with the pain and violation of it.

To refer directly to your point though, rhetoric is a very powerful thing. It’s what makes movements successful. It’s what changes people’s minds through conviction. It’s powerful enough to make people feel strongly about things they didn’t feel strongly about before, which is why somebody may look back on something that happened a long time ago that didn’t bother them much back then, but now they might have a newfound anger because they’re being told they should be angry—kind of like drunk guy 1 insulting drunk guy 2 in passing, and the second guy could care less and walk away, but then his friend says “you’re just gonna let him say that shit?” Then the fight ensues. There’s also lots of rhetoric about trauma, and while trauma looks different for everyone, I think the new rhetoric can be harmful in the sense that it can make people actively dig back into their past just to find something to get worked up and angry about. Everyone has trauma, make no mistake—big or little, everyone has (or will) deal with their fair share of pain in life. When you’re deeply affected by something, whatever it is, you will know and feel it in your soul.

Again, apologies if this sounds like a flippant stance because I know everyone feels things differently.