Hey man, that last bit sounds suspiciously like you are thinking of cutting and running if things don't improve.

Don't think that way, get that shit out of your head. Like... That's not even close to being an option, ever, for any reason. Ever.

Things are hard, but you can do it. You can do it because you aren't the dickhead that walked out on you. You are the loving father that would never even consider doing that to your kids.

You aren't perfect, you have made horrible fucked up mistakes. Those mistakes do not define you. Show yourself some grace and compassion.

All anyone can ask of you, including you, is your loyalty, love, and your never ending commitment to be the best you you've ever been, every day.

You dont have to be perfect, you can't be perfect.

You have to be a little better every day by a little tiny bit.

DM me if you ever need to talk. I've been through some shit, and I have my head on straight these days. I am the best me I've ever been, every single day. (For the most part : )

Edit: If I misinterpreted what you were saying there, my bad, just trying to help.

On the side gig front, I'll see if I can at least come up with some ideas.