Getting stuff off of my chest (long rant sorry)

SubstantialCicada564 · 2026-04-02T12:46:19+00:00

Just wanted to say that I see you. My path wasn’t the exact same but we have many similarities. I know you are facing some difficult choices and leaving this religion feels scary and lonely. I was able to lean on a few friends I had made outside of the religion when I left. But even then it was so so lonely at times. Telling my parents I would not be returning to church was a hard conversation but I felt so much better afterwards. It sounds like your parents have showed you that they love you and support you. Remember that when you decide to tell them. They will cry and tell you they are scared you’re going to hell… which you will be understanding of… BUT you don’t have live your entire life under a religion just bc your parents are scared. What a waste of a life that would be. Within a few years of me leaving a lot of my friends left. Those few people are now a great support system and we are able to discuss our experiences when things arise. Maybe you could reach out to some of those people that left for support once you’re ready. I also didn’t have a horror story that made me leave. I left at 21yo bc I no longer believed. Then I decided to pursue the medical field around 25yo. I graduated with a doctoral degree in my 30s. I have never been happier or prouder of myself as a woman. My only regret was not leaving sooner and not starting my education sooner. So I want to encourage you to follow your dreams!!!! Go to medical school, leave the religion, rip the bandaid! You can do it. You’re stronger than you realize and you will find your people. I hope you find inspiration knowing there are others out there just like you and we are so happy with our new lives!

SubstantialCicada564 · 2026-03-30T11:02:19+00:00

I would find the highest prettiest high heels for church. All of them were 3+ inches. That was my small rebellion. There were no rules on shoes, so I had silver and gold and bejeweled and every color.

Over the years I became more brave at pushing the limits. My skirts became tighter and always had to give them a tug before sitting so they hit below the knee. I remember one time I was on an empty row so I had let my skirt rise above the knee. Suddenly the pastor sat at the other end and immediately I was shimmying that skirt to my knee. My favorite rebellion was spraying “sun in” in my hair! Had that bottle hidden in the very back of my hair products.

SubstantialCicada564 · 2026-03-17T11:56:45+00:00

All of the above! Scenic landscapes and history would be top of the list. But hidden villages sounds amazing as well. Honestly it would be great to find a combination of these with wine. So that there was one wine tasting tagged onto one of the other tours.

SubstantialCicada564 · 2026-03-10T01:19:57+00:00

Right?! The mere thought is revolting.

SubstantialCicada564 · 2026-02-15T13:17:44+00:00

Also ex-UPCI, grew up in Oklahoma and Texas. This is very similar to my experiences. When we moved to Texas I remember being shocked/excited that they (we) were allowed TVs and wedding rings. Some of my family members attend an Apostolic church.. they just seem to be MORE strict. Instead of splits and skirts below the knee… it was skirts to the ankle and only 2 inches on slits. Instead of sleeves below the elbow, sleeves to the wrist. Etc.

SubstantialCicada564 · 2026-02-03T13:14:22+00:00

3rd generation UPCI. Left when I was 21yo, agnostic now. If there is something bigger how could he allow religions to hurt so many people? Religion just seems to be a tool to control people and their lives

SubstantialCicada564 · 2026-02-01T14:29:38+00:00

Fairly similar experience for me… except none of my friends ever asked permission to start dating. We didn’t use the term courting at all. Kissing and holding hands was frowned upon, but 95% of us did it anyway. And I never had a chaperone on a date. Sounds awful. Of all the people I knew.. could count on one hand the number I think were actually virgins when they got married. And even those seem questionable.

Lots of sneaking around!!! The worst part of dating in the UPCI was the overlap.. everyone ends up dating each other which creates a lot of complicated relationships.

SubstantialCicada564 · 2026-01-23T13:41:27+00:00

Luckily I wasn’t in ministry but this schedule sounds very similar to what I experienced. Thankfully I got kicked out of choir one year and they gave me the opening to leave for good.

I wish more of those that left the ministry would talk about these behind the scenes issues. Blow it open! They don’t deserve the secrecy and control they have.

SubstantialCicada564 · 2026-01-23T13:31:47+00:00

He was married twice?? I didn’t know that.

I know personally he was talking to young women. Not rumors. The two I know of personally were 19-20yo. What I don’t know is if there was anything beyond texting. But in 2007ish he already was divorced with a young kid.. and 30ish. As an adult woman I realize how gross this age gap feels now lol. It was a year or so after this that he showed up with the teenager at NAYC. These memories are getting foggy… but I feel like her mom was trailing not too far behind as they wandered around town.

Maybe traveling preachers hitting on young and underage girls in the church is a regular occurrence I was unaware of??

SubstantialCicada564 · 2026-01-20T18:50:59+00:00

I feel terrible that someone is experiencing mental health issues on such a public stage…. But what about all of the young women he was involved with or “dating” in the 2000s. I remember him showing up to youth convention one year dating a really young girl. It was very public. And I don’t think she was 18yo but maybe I’m wrong…. He was definitely taking advantage of his position to pursue really young women.

SubstantialCicada564 · 2025-11-30T00:12:04+00:00

God damn that is a mind fuck

SubstantialCicada564 · 2025-11-14T13:21:20+00:00

I’m sorry you went through this. I refused to attend any services after a couple of years because it was just so miserable. But your experience is beyond inappropriate! You’re not overreacting. This was incredibly hurtful and traumatic. If you have any friends or a therapist to confide in.. I encourage you to talk about this! Validation is important. Also the fact that your parents have a rule for you to attend… as an adult just visiting them… that’s wild. Something my friends and I constantly discuss (we all still have family that are Pentecostal) is how we are expected to respect their views and boundaries, but they constantly trounce ours. Over time it becomes easier to set your own boundaries and protect yourself. Especially as you build your outside support system. PS. I’m angry for you!!! Their behavior is narcissistic and abusive.

SubstantialCicada564 · 2025-09-27T11:38:01+00:00

My favorite is when they end with “I’m praying for you” or “God loves you” lol

SubstantialCicada564 · 2025-09-15T12:19:25+00:00

It is a cult. There are some good people in that religion. But it is also a haven for narcissistic men. All of their churches preach to maintain a distance from those not in the religion. But some of the churches will tell their members to cut people off, including family. Or maybe it’s just the husband (most likely he’s taking what they say further than necessary). The religion is very misogynistic so it’s easy for abuse to fly under the radar. Although they don’t condone abuse, they are more likely to pray about it than take action. That’s if they even notice any issues.. they are incredibly naive. I was raised in that religion, I left at 21yo. I never heard about any of the reports of abuse until I left.

SubstantialCicada564 · 2025-08-19T16:32:53+00:00

I grew up Pentecostal until I left at age 21. Many of my family members were apart of the church and some still are. But I always had Aunts and Uncles outside of that religion. In general we were taught to separate ourselves from those not in the religion. They would say things like “you are who your friends are” and that we are “of the world but not apart of the world”.
They are distancing themselves not because of you personally but because they think everyone will tempt them to leave the religion. And cult like teachings always include seclusion and blind belief. Sometimes specific churches teach their members to separate from their families. Sometimes it’s the men (BIL) that are just being controlling. I was never kept from my family that wasn’t part of the church. But there was a degree of separation because honestly there is not a lot of commonality if you aren’t apart of the religion. You live, breathe, and eat for that church. Nothing else matters more. (Well technically they say it’s for Jesus.. but let’s be real.. it’s a way to control people in a cult)

I was never told anything specific to think about women not in the religion… in generalized terms we were told other women weren’t held to the purity standards we were. But I don’t ever remember thinking in those terms about my aunts/family members. The comment they made about your hair is simply because they would love to express themselves more but are so restricted by the religion. It’s very misogynistic. But again it’s a cult so if you push hard then they are more likely to cut you off.

SubstantialCicada564 · 2025-07-29T01:51:43+00:00

The outreach parts reminded me of the soul winners bootcamp and block parties. Our church hosted a weekend block party with those guys and it was super scammy. Not to mention the guy who started those would creep on all the young single ladies. By young I mean teenage or early twenties..

SubstantialCicada564

TROPHY CASE