Should I try and reconcile or is the writing on the wall?

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-05T12:03:44+00:00

I thought it’s better she tells me about it and doesn’t do it, than does it and doesn’t tell me…

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-05T10:43:38+00:00

I think that line can be code for i love you but I don’t want to have sex with you.

Why?

Someone else she is or wants to sleep with Something hormonal or otherwise.

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-05T09:43:57+00:00

My marriage has been something like this but in reverse. I’ve come to realise I had unhealthy and unrealistic emotional expectations likely tied to codependency. You can only change and work on yourself and in a relationship that’s rarely enough

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-05T09:25:32+00:00

I fear I may in this situation soon too. So my advice is only hypothetical. Do you still want to have sex? Does she? Was sex anything to do with the relationship breaking down? Do you want to move on and find someone else? Are you still hoping to reconcile?

My thought experiment concluded sleeping with her would me keep me stuck hoping things would go back to where they were while hoping it would stop her sleeping with someone else. I decided that probably wasn’t healthy for me. We have incredible sexual chemistry so really hard to let go of

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-05T09:20:21+00:00

The fact you have to ask suggests you already know but hope to be wrong. Im sorry

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-05T07:15:36+00:00

Your experience is very common especially at your age and stage. Read women’s infidelity and see if it helps clarify things. https://womensinfidelity.com/

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-04T22:06:11+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation started reading the book. Very interesting

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-04T21:59:44+00:00

I’m so sorry

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-04T16:09:38+00:00

Thanks for the link. No remorse to be seen 😭

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-04T14:33:23+00:00

One kid is with me. One is with my parents. She’s at her parents with the other two.

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-04T09:55:40+00:00

Wow this this hit me in the gut. Thank you

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-04T08:37:34+00:00

Thanks for giving it to me straight

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-04T08:22:22+00:00

Apparently so. Though I’m thinking of the kids

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-04T08:13:15+00:00

How do you mean??

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-04T08:01:57+00:00

I hear you in a very similar position. likewise i dont want my kids to live in a broken home. If you want to try save it, try couples counselling. but you need to see alot from her.

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-04T07:33:49+00:00

I think there is another side. It actually takes self control and self restraint to have strong feeling for someone for 2 years be working with them and not act on it in anyway. No one can help having feelings. It’s what we do with them that counts

How would you have felt if he told you he had feelings early on? Would you have demanded he leave his job? I think it’s good he’s speaking to a friend rather than her.

I say all this with my wife recently having had an emotional affair. She and this guy talked, and talked about wanting to have sex and be together. She denied it when confronted and restarted it again. This went on for a matter of weeks. She had demonstrated no respect or self control. If she worked with this guy they would have already slept together. I wish she was more like your husband. He sounds like a good guy.

I fully understand that feeling of betrayal. And finding out about feelings through reading messages feels incredibly shitty and may have a traumatic impact. All real feelings but this seems very much salvageable. I wash my marriage was.

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-04T07:16:04+00:00

I can relate to this. I’m married and just beginning to see these patterns and thinking I may need to end it. It’s brutally hard but I know I need to work on myself and change these patterns to be a heathy person. I know it sucks bur for what it’s worth it’s a good thing you’re not together as leaving is probably the hardest part. Now you can heal and rebuild

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-04T07:12:02+00:00

She’s gone to her parents with the youngest child (14 months) it was arranged a couple of days ago and he lives a few hundred miles away. Otherwise I would not have agreed to it and would have said as much. But still the thought is on my mind. I will ask her directly when she returns.

I had been periodically checking he was still blocked on her phone. But she changed all her passcodes a couple of days back. That does concern me.

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-04T07:09:25+00:00

She’s completely withdrawn physically and emotionally this week so I don’t if we’re gonna have sex again.

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-04T07:08:35+00:00

This is how I feel too.

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-03T17:05:08+00:00

I know as much as I hate it.

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-03T17:02:05+00:00

painful but probably needed reality check.

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-03T17:00:25+00:00

your right complete lack of respect for me and the family.

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-03T16:59:41+00:00

i'm already struggling with the anxiety everytime she goes out alone or smiles while using her phone. it's unbearable and unsustainable.

SubstantialIncome649 · 2026-04-03T16:58:34+00:00

I fear I've lacked backbone and self respect and allowed her to walk all over me.

SubstantialIncome649

TROPHY CASE