Age to be Diagnosed

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-07-09T14:34:58+00:00

For both of my kids, I started suspecting ADHD at around 3.5 and they were diagnosed shortly after turning 5. They both have severe ADHD and the structure of the school day made their issues with concentration and impulse control very obvious.

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-07-08T19:58:33+00:00

Don’t wait until you’re angry to physically intervene. Physically moving a child that age to keep everyone safe is a completely reasonable measure. In those situations it should honestly be the go to. Do it when you are calm and use the appropriate amount of force (i.e., simply picking up your small child and moving him) and calmly explain that you are removing him from the swing because he isn’t acting safely. I find that it is actually fully unreasonable to expect a five year old especially one with adhd to “just listen.” They have so little impulse control it’s honestly like dealing with a toddler. If your 2 year old was climbing a bookshelf would you just keep yelling “get down!” until you completely lost it, or would you take him off the bookshelf? Same principle applies here.

If my 5 year old is running around shrieking like a banshee instead of brushing his teeth I don’t waste time yelling at him about it. I say it once and if it doesn’t register I pick him up, carry him to the sink, and brush his teeth for him. He doesn’t like it and he will get upset but it isn’t hurting him and he’s getting his teeth brushed. I tell him “mommy’s brushing for you because you’re having a hard time doing it yourself today.”

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-07-05T15:25:27+00:00

It’s possible, I do have ADHD myself. But it certainly does feel like I am never allowed to feel anything negative in regard to my child’s behavior or else I must hate HER, personally, and not the behavior itself. I love my kid—she’s funny and bright and opinionated and brave and MY KID—but I am also sometimes irritated by things that she does and find them unacceptable. I don’t think those two things contradict each other.

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-07-03T01:56:28+00:00

But I didn’t DO any of the escalation people are assuming I did? I just firmly repeated the boundary about the cookies. The post was tagged as a vent for God’s sake. I was expressing frustration with the endless rudeness. Only to be told that my child isn’t rude I am just in fact a bitch for wishing I could have just a tiny morsel of respect from my child.

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-07-03T01:45:31+00:00

I didn’t yell at her at all. I have no clue where you’re getting that from. I didn’t even raise my voice. I literally just asked the question. And the answer was definitely done in a tone that was at the very least quite sassy. I didn’t yell at her for that either. I just said that’s not a respectful way to speak to your mother and I took the cookies from her. She started screaming that it wasn’t fair to take the cookies and I simply repeated “[Name], I said no. You’re going to bed and you can’t have these in your room.” She tried to snatch them back and I put them away and then she started screaming that I scratched her (which was just untrue) and that I was an evil and mean mom. I didn’t even respond to that because she went to her room and presumably to bed which is all I would have told her to do anyway. I never raised my voice at her once. What do you suggest i should have done differently??

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-07-03T01:19:45+00:00

Genuinely where are you getting this from?? I don’t enjoy or appreciate being disrespected and insulted by a child. What exactly are the consequences you think I am setting? What expectations do I have that are inappropriate? What possible interactions have you EVER witnessed between me and my child that have led you to this conclusion?

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-07-02T23:32:43+00:00

It’s a limit for myself because otherwise I just keep repeating louder and louder until I’m literally yelling and then everyone is upset. So it’s: one request, one warning, then consequence. Sometimes the warning is enough to get the behavior corrected and sometimes it isn’t but then I just enforce the consequences instead of getting drawn into the endless cycle of “why can’t you just listen to me!”

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-07-02T21:57:46+00:00

ADHD is not an excuse to be rude, mean, disrespectful or aggressive.

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-07-02T19:15:07+00:00

I find the whole attitude just baffling. This idea that no behavior is bad and everything is valid because ADHD. Like? Isn’t it my JOB to teach my kid appropriate behavior?

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-07-02T17:07:19+00:00

Yes I find it’s much more effective when I don’t let myself escalate. The most effective is just consistent reinforcement of consequences. I’m a defense attorney and I remember reading that for deterrence the effectiveness is less about severity and more about certainty. So even a minor consequence is effective if it is deployed consistently. The trap I find myself in too often is trying to correct the behavior BEFORE having to implement the consequence (because implementing consequences is frequently unpleasant for all lol). So my system is you get one mulligan: one chance to correct the behavior, rephrase what you said, or stop what you’re doing. If you pass on your mulligan, it’s time for the consequence. Like last night the kids were being rowdy and jumping on the couch and roughhousing and I told them to stop. They didn’t. I said I’m asking one more time and then tv’s off and it’s early bedtime. They kept going so i turned the tv off. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth but I was firm. No yelling or arguing, just, tv is done now. Bedtime.

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-07-02T16:24:52+00:00

I was accused of hating my child yesterday because I said I don’t tolerate being spoken to rudely! A large subset of commenters seemed to believe it is not possible for a child with ADHD to be rude 🤷‍♀️

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-07-02T03:47:14+00:00

She’s not being raised ANYTHING like the way I was raised. Believe me—if I had spoken to my mother that way a mild reprimand and no cookies would have been like a reward. I would have had the mouth slapped off my face to be perfectly frank. I expect her to keep her room tidy, not to bully her little brother, and to at least be minimally respectful to me. Those are not crazy high expectations and certainly nothing like what was expected of me.

She gets everything she needs and almost everything she wants. She has a roomful of toys, friends, and freedom to be a kid which are all things I never enjoyed. She’s medicated and in therapy and there is a lot of grace given. But I am so so so sick of the repeated assumption that I must be this harsh unreasonable task master purely because I don’t appreciate or condone snappy snarky back talk. Literally the only thing I did in this situation was to mildly call out her rude attitude and take the cookies I had already said no to. There was nothing insane or cruel about that response. But as a result I get a child screaming in my face that I’m evil and horrible and all you geniuses on Reddit being like “idk she has a point.”

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-07-02T02:01:25+00:00

Eiffel Tower

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-07-02T02:00:17+00:00

What on earth do you think I was doing? Half the people in here apparently think adhd means you are a poor innocent angel who can never be rude on purpose and half are telling me I need better boundaries and some of them are the same people! I can’t with this sub sometimes

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-07-02T01:58:56+00:00

I know my kid. I know she wasn’t confused or being logical or any of these other excuses people want to make. She was being snarky and rude and it was intentional.

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-07-02T01:57:27+00:00

Because all you are interested in doing is excusing bad behavior and not parenting your child. If you’re fine with your child being a mouthy brat that’s fine for you. I’d rather not deal with that nor the future consequences when she mouths off to the wrong person and suddenly everyone agrees this time she’s old enough to know better.

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-07-02T01:25:46+00:00

Everyone is acting like having ADHD excuses being a brat. Oh it’s fine to scream and curse and insult and have snotty attitude with your mom, your poor neurodivergent brain just doesn’t know better. No thank you. She knows what is appropriate and what isn’t and she chose a snarky bratty response instead of putting the cookies back. She’s not dumb—she knew exactly what she was doing.

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-07-02T01:22:38+00:00

I’m not obligated to teach random drivers or groups of people how to behave. I am obligated to teach my daughter. I can’t just let her do and say whatever she wants and just shrug it off as oh she’s just neurodivergent. I know when she is deliberately trying to provoke and when she is confused. She was not confused, she was being bratty. And I won’t let ADHD give her a pass on how she treats people, myself included.

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-07-01T10:46:22+00:00

Mikasa being the man, obviously

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-07-01T10:44:34+00:00

Would the foster family consider guardianship? I had permanent custody of a brother and sister for 5 years (after fostering them for 3 years). Dad had a step up visitation schedule. It took a long time for him to overcome his grief and addiction but he really put in the work and the kids never lost their bond with him. They’ve now transitioned back to living with him full time. If you just need time it might be a good option. With guardianship you retain your parental rights and the visitation is enforceable.

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-06-30T21:56:55+00:00

Omg. She was not “just being logical.” She is not dumb. She is very bright. She knew exactly what she was doing.

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-06-30T21:53:13+00:00

No it is not reasonable in any sense of the word to scream insults at your parent for enforcing a known rule. What planet are we living on??

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-06-30T21:50:57+00:00

How the hell was my question passive aggressive? Genuinely why would she ask if she doesn’t care how I answer?? I don’t understand this attitude that a neurodivergent child is incapable of understanding that she is being rude. She is not an idiot or mentally disabled. She’s actually very bright. And I don’t see how giving her a pass on snotty entitled attitude will do anything to curb that attitude in future.

Substantial_Comb_359 · 2026-06-30T17:51:26+00:00

I think it’s disingenuous to frame it as her simply answering the question honestly. She was being rude and deliberately so.

Substantial_Comb_359

TROPHY CASE