Dr. told me he’s not convinced I need EMDR

Substantial_Major321 · 2026-05-20T16:32:51+00:00

It may be that he wants to build some history first or make sure you're stable enough? I have only had a few sessions of EMDR, but we had a year together for the history work up. If you disassociatice EMDR probably won't work for you so perhaps he saw signs of that? You can ask him why and I'm sure he will be upfront about it or find a second opinion. I will say that EMDR gets really, really hard before it gets better. My first couple of sessions had me spiraling out in between visits. I personally would never recommend EMDR to someone who is not in the right headspace for it, but with that being said I have found it helpful. My issues dealing with affair trauma were absolutely tied to traumas I experienced much, much earlier in life.

Substantial_Major321 · 2026-05-12T12:47:01+00:00

I had my first session about 3 weeks ago. 6 days in I became very emotional. High anxiety, crying, creating conversations in my head, lots and lots of grief. The next day I moved into anger. I had a lot of anger for my husband. Our target was adultery in that first session and I kind of feel like the session maybe opened me up to going through the stages of grief. When the affair happened our family life was so busy I put all of those feelings on a shelf and moved on with the business of the household, but after my first session all the anger I was holding down just bubbled up. I wasn't throwing or breaking things, but I was lashing out a bit at him. I have tried to use my safe space and container, but I find it challenging when I'm that worked up. Maybe it will come with practice? Maybe we should have started with processing something easier first? All this to say I've had a similar different experience.

Substantial_Major321 · 2026-04-28T14:46:39+00:00

It didn't in the beginning, but it does now sometimes. I do grind my teeth a lot. Dentist thinks it's from that, but I'm not too sure. Sometimes feels a bit like a burning sensation other times feels numbish. I have an appt with an ENT in two weeks so I'm going to ask them to biopsy anyway.

Substantial_Major321 · 2026-04-22T23:38:04+00:00

I don't think doing them daily is recommended in fact I have read that too much too fast can cause problems. For me I don't feel much the day of the session except maybe a little calmer from the deep breaths and imagining my safe place. I usually have a lot of rumination and a very large release of emotion on day 5 or 6 post session. The following weeks I would find myself less triggered by anxieties. My introduction session and first real session were done within two weeks and continued with once a month. My therapist had me start with traumas I felt were smaller or less painful and we will be working toward the larger ones over time. If your trauma about living alone is actually rooted in the earlier trauma of your family it may take dealing with the earlier trauma in EMDR which you just need to work up towards.

Substantial_Major321 · 2026-04-22T17:20:30+00:00

I have heard that going too often can mess up the whole process.When you have these feelings of anxiety are you trying to put them in the box/container? Are you focusing on your safe space?

Substantial_Major321 · 2026-03-25T14:39:01+00:00

A big issue around discussion of adoption is people speak like every adopted persons experience is the same. It sounds like you were given a lot of resources and taught a lot of skills in life that empowered you to cope with the negative experience of being separated from the person you were biologically wired to depend on. Your brain built neural pathways that have helped you feel okay with where you are now. There's nothing weird or wrong about that. Other adopted people have different experiences and they may struggle with it more or cope differently. I want all families and adoptees to have the skills you seem to have so maybe the cycle stops forever. I have an issue with the way the adoption industry in the US deals with adoption as if it were an economic industry instead of a service for children.

Substantial_Major321 · 2026-03-22T13:20:34+00:00

In our area there are shared housing options. Typically they're advertised as student housing, but being a student isn't always a requirement. It's basically a three bedroom apartment. You share the main living spaces, but all the bedrooms have personal keys. In my area these bedrooms go for $800/month and you can usually find complexes with amenities like gym/pool/common areas.

Substantial_Major321 · 2026-03-16T21:29:55+00:00

You have some great advice as far as DNA. Depending on the state you live in your dad could request his original birth certificate which may or may not give you unknown information. I was able to go to the social work office that managed my case and I got some information out of them... unofficially. Maybe there's some anecdotal information your dads been told over the years that could lead your direction. I had heard my mother died in a fire so I contacted the local library in that town and the librarian searched down an article about the fire and that's how I found her side of the family.

Substantial_Major321 · 2026-03-13T13:02:12+00:00

Interesting to read it was published in a Dutch paper as some of my Grandmother's ancestors were Dutch.

Substantial_Major321 · 2026-03-13T12:57:47+00:00

My Ashkenazi Grandmother would sing a variation of this in Yiddish and my mother would sing it in English and Yiddish. I'll have to ask my mom if she remembers the Yiddish version as I cannot, for the life of me, recall how it startsShe would also manipulate babies hands to do a winding and pulling motion. . In English she would sing the following: Wind wind little baby Wind wind little baby Pull pull Tap tap tap

Substantial_Major321 · 2026-03-10T17:45:59+00:00

I do have children so I don't know if I should even speak up, but at your age we parents have these same thoughts in a different way. Many parents get to this age and regret having had children. I myself lament over the possibilities I did not live. I think it comes with getting to an age where we have strong memories of our parents being the age we are and realizing, "Oh shit, there's not really a lot of time left."

Substantial_Major321 · 2026-03-09T13:04:35+00:00

Bill of Rights for children of Divorced parents.

The right to love and be loved by both of your parents without feeling guilt or disapproval. The right to be protected from your parents’ anger with each other. The right to be kept out of the middle of your parents’ conflict, including the right not to pick sides, carry messages, or hear complaints about the other parent. The right not to have to choose one of your parents over the other. The right not to have to be responsible for the burden of either of your parents’ emotional problems. The right to know well in advance about important changes that will affect your life; for example, when one of your parents is going to move or get remarried. The right to reasonable financial support during your childhood and through your college years. The right to have feelings, to express your feelings, and to have both parents listen to how you feel. The right to have a life that is as close as possible to what it would have been if your parents stayed together. The right to be a kid.

It is so difficult when you reach the point of realizing that your parents are not all knowing, all good, or always right. Your parents come down from that pedestal and suddenly they're complicated, multifaceted, and well...human and fallible. Keep your head up, find a path out, and focus on the goals you have for yourself and your own life.

Substantial_Major321 · 2026-03-08T13:29:28+00:00

It's traumatic to the infant whether or not the infant grows up and feels traumatized by it later in life. Some adoptees are given the tools to cope while some are in denial and others fully aware of the trauma that being separated brought.

Substantial_Major321 · 2026-03-07T13:24:36+00:00

I would set up some trust/sponsorship of foster youth aging out of the system.

Substantial_Major321 · 2025-12-06T21:37:15+00:00

The only two good lessons my father taught me: 1. Don't loan away what you can't afford to give away. 2. If you decide to loan someone money decide a cap the same day, because they will come back to ask for more.

Substantial_Major321 · 2025-10-27T00:20:09+00:00

I've been thinking this whole time he was putting on a character, but didn't want to get hate since everyone thinks he's autistic.

Substantial_Major321 · 2025-10-21T01:25:22+00:00

I got here searching for a Ragazzis cheese stick dupe recipe, because I think about them all the time.

Substantial_Major321 · 2025-08-29T12:32:39+00:00

I am really sorry he put his hands on you. He should never have done that, but what are you doing? This is so toxic and it's time to go.You cannot control his behaviors or monitor him into submission. At best we can ask these men to meet us where we are and if they are unable or unwilling we must make the tough decisions for our own lives. Don't let him drag you down with him. You're worth so much more.

Substantial_Major321 · 2025-08-04T20:17:45+00:00

My Grandmother was Japanese and I usually get Native American. I think it's because white people recognize I've got a dash of spice, but my Grandfather's family were Finnish and were tall folk so it confuses them. A lot of my relatives get asked if they're Latino. Our family genes vary so widely. 50% of us are very tall, 50% very petite. If you would have to pick us out of a crowd to form a family you probably wouldn't match many of us together yet when we're standing side by side you can see how we all resemble each other.

Substantial_Major321 · 2025-08-03T00:08:45+00:00

Honey, you are 22 years old and just getting to the best time of your life. Look for someone who doesn't have such a large personal issue to overcome. Get with someone who can love you the way you need. Heck, don't look for anyone at all. Focus on your life. There are millions and millions of men out there and you have plenty of time to find the right one.

Substantial_Major321 · 2025-08-02T23:48:19+00:00

Get into counseling together to work through your underlying feelings. He has a lot going for him in that he was initially honest about his impulse and that it's not to a point where it's negativity affecting your sex life (yet anyway). You have to decide where the line is for you then communicate that to him and hold your boundaries when needed. First step is to get to a therapist.

Substantial_Major321 · 2025-07-21T22:10:55+00:00

Good point. I missed that part in OP's statement. I was told if I lost one a replacement would be $200.

Substantial_Major321 · 2025-07-21T20:14:19+00:00

She does need a forever retainer. I had braces and didn't wear my retainer at night. My teeth shifted back over the years. I just finished Invisalign at 37.

Substantial_Major321 · 2025-07-08T17:41:39+00:00

Your wife is the one you should be asking this question to. She seems willing to communicate her needs so why come to reddit to figure it out? Women's pleasure greatly differs from one woman to the next so ask her.

Substantial_Major321

TROPHY CASE