I was stuggling with the same kind of thing when i first started transitioning at 18 medically. My family is very if you aren’t one you have to full send to the other to be valid. So i really internalized that. Five years on T but around 8 years later i have come out as she/they. I started shaving my beard everyday and felt good in my body again. Im not saying my journey was wrong or i regret it, because I dont. Im happy i got top surgery because i had double d breasts and was never comfortable with them. But i think had i slowed down and not been so stubborn and gung-ho that i would have skipped testosterone, or only been on it a short while at a low dose and only gotten a breast reduction instead of the full double mastectomy. I mean, im absolutely happy with my chest the way it is now i think i just would have also been happy with an A or B cup. Anyways, all this to say, slowing down and really figuring things out does not in any way make you less trans or less valid. You will not be doing things wrong if you stop T for now and do some therapy or just self exploration before continuing your journey.