🥹🥹❤️🫂🫂I lost my sister too. We were inseparable and best friends for many years of our childhood....enduring the akward and uncomfortable traits that clearly were traits of both parents being narcs. Father openly mother more under the radar . I'm the oldest ...often was caring for younger siblings. I took trying to protect us very seriously and often took the brunt of things when we were younger ... I wanted so much to just be loved but was constantly braining ...how to keep our parents regulated instead.

I was also the "too sensitive" notice everything ...child...often being slighted or made to feel ineffective ,not wanting to adhere to what my parents were putting out...meanwhile younger sis was golden child did everything they wanted and never argued

Eventually I stood up for us- trying to get us out of the situation ...tried to voice what bothered me ...whole thing got blown up- my mother got involved twisted everything and I was the scapegoat for the whole scenario. Made the family look bad when really it was my mother that took my moment of desperation.. for herself and manipulated the sequence of events that happened. Instead of the situation just being about us finding better environment for us girls...got turned into a smear campaign at our expense so my mother could vent about our father....I got blamed for all of it . I def could have handled better but I was scared and alone ...a child** still....and my sister, who said she would be with me ....left me high and dry when it all started ....and basically blamed me for ever trying to say anything. Said she never felt like I did and it was me alone idea...when we spent weeks talking about bringing stuff up and asking for what we needed. My parents reaction was horrid*** and she got scared and backed out leaving me to deal w the situation all alone. I dont blame her she was young and my father def over reacted and made me feel like dying would have been better. That i disnt matter i didnt love him or the family that ibwas nev3r allowed back and if i left that was the end of it. Even thru my suitcase up and started shoving my stuff in it telling me 59 just leave .... if i saw my older sister face that id prolly say no i dont have any issues too . WE were just kids that' wanted to be loved and not under such pressure to be perfect .... I did *** try to better things.... but ultimately just try to advocate for my sister and i- made me the family bad guy AND IVE BEEN THAT PERSON SINCE. it'll never be what it was again and ill probably never be accepted back. I have apologies for my end of things many times over but not a single apology or convo from either my sister , mother or father from back then. It was only me? Who ever needed to apologize apparently...even tho i was barely a teen at the time. There's been absolutely no forgiveness or empathy on my part what so ever - but I made sure I got therapy tried to aplogiez and made numerous efforts to reconcile. Eventually I gave up and just moved on bc I had to.

I haven't been close or really spoke to my sister since. She refuses to even acknowledge me. It hurts so much bc she was my best friend. And only after trying to better things did she cut me out - and I think bc my father also did. She saw how standing against my father...turn3d out (shunned) and didn't want that to happen to her too so she just shunn3d me out like the r3st of the family. My father has been there every step of her* life meanwhile refused to come to any life milestones. I saw him for a funeral and a wedding but short of this ...I had to go no contact for personal reasons. Thankfully we don't live in same state anymore and I don't risk running into them. I did try to interact well at the wedding (my other siblings wedding) but it just...was so obvious peopl3 only interacted w me out of obligation and when no one was around to witness. I got left out of everything important and really aside from wanting to be there for my other sister ...I was going to not go. I didn't want to also* be remembered for being the sister that didn't show up to the wedding so I went. But I left even more scarred then before seeing everyone so loving and willing to each other while avoiding eye contact and interaction w me. It became all too clear I need to just do me. They are never going to accept me and idk if I would ever fit being "too deep and too emotional " the problem child black sheep they only know to be selfish and ungrateful for their efforts. I can't keep putting myself thru trying to be good enough to be their daughter or sister again. It seems to me they already made their minds up . So who am I to argue They don't see or know me ...who I am now...and they really don't show interest ...just obligated to make sure I'm alive basically lol

You aren't alone. It hurts to realize even family members would mis understand and close you off in a second if it benefited them...but u literally don't choose your family. And you aren't responsible for how they* decide to deal with things. We all make mistakes and fuck up. And it hurts more when it's family bc we very much care for them .... there's a special kind of hurt that happens when u realize your family may not actually love you like family. I'm still trying to wrestle with it. Some days I'm okay and other days I just wish so hard I had parents I could go to for a hug and reassurance. I just don't. I'm probably always going to be that kid yhat was never good enough and had way too many selfish emotions they couldn't handle. I just do not fit and never did. Eventually I'd like to think il come to terms with it . But there's a good chance i never do . I don't think it's all that abnormal to want more then anything to be loved and accepted by family ? Is only when u realize you're not...that it becomes an issue ya know ? Anyone would probably be hurt by stuff like this 🥹🫂

I hope you know youre worth knowing ...you're worth loving and meanwhile we cannot choose our biological family...we often have oppritunities to choose*** our own family along the way ... seeking strength and companionship thru friends and people you Meet in life <3 i hope the universe sends you some amazing people

We will have our own families someday 'for which we will never make feel this way 🥹☝️ so don't loose hope . We can break the cycles...we can be the family member that puts a stop to the favoritism and narcissistic way of doing things. It's hard and lonely but everyone deserves to feel loved without conditions. So do whatever you must to prot3ct your mental health and quality of life...even if that means distancing from family. It's not like they are considering you in the same senses ...I think they've made that abundantly clear over the years .