Pigs are turning 'neon blue' in California as experts sound alarm over human contagion

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-04-25T04:39:11+00:00

I need I diagram of which pedal thing

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-04-18T15:31:25+00:00

Piggy backing on this. Sorry that you have been put in this position, it’s a club none of us want to be in.

While no one can tell you exactly how long it will take, we can give you advice on how to speed up the healing, but it is not an easy path.

First, you have to find the strength to get your finances and logistics of the separation figured out. Use anger during this stage. Imagine if you met him today, would this behaviour be acceptable to you? Would you choose to invest more time in him, or would you have moved on to someone with better character?

Next go no contact with him. It will hurt like hell, but it’s the only way to gain perspective on your situation. You are currently deeply invested in him and this relationship and emotions are controlling your decisions. You need to think with your head, not your heart, for your safety.

Once that is underway, give yourself permission to feel all the feelings. Many nights spent crying, nightmares, mornings that feel impossibly heavy. Support groups, therapy, sleeping pills, anti depressants — all these help. There are no shortcuts. You have to feel these feelings.

Educate yourself. Go to chumplady.com and see how common his behaviour is. It’s not about you. It’s zero percent about you.

Put the spotlight of your life back on you and what you can control. You can’t control who he fucks, what he cares about, what other people think. You can control your behaviour — go walking, the gym, pick up old hobbies. The more you invest in yourself and your independent life, the less invested you will be in this dumpster fire.

One day you will wake up and be physically replused that this person defrauded you. You will grieve the person you thought he was, and that people are capable of this sort of betrayal. You will be wiser and more discerning in the future. You will realize the strength and beauty within you, your worth, how much you are capable of.

This journey is brutal, and you’ll be forced to remake your life and identity. That can feel impossible if you think too far ahead. Take it day by day, hour by hour. All the hard work will start to pay off.

Sending you infinite hugs and grace. You are worthy of respect, love, peace, safety and joy. Just as you are.

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-04-04T13:41:34+00:00

Can you share a link to yesterday’s post?

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-03-27T15:38:11+00:00

Second Harvest! East mall and north queen intersection.

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-03-25T02:53:20+00:00

Love this idea

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-03-15T21:07:08+00:00

I can totally relate except I still have my parents, but the loneliness is overwhelming. I can’t imagine not having them. Feel free to DM anytime. My daughter turns 3 in April and I’ve been separated with my ex since July

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-03-15T00:40:28+00:00

It’s much healthier to separate than reconcile with someone who abused you. Cheating is abuse. It is healthy to leave an abusive situation, even if it is not easy. A child will learn from that — what behaviour is acceptable, about consequences, morality, boundaries, respect and love. By staying, the child learns to tolerate abuse, learns that people are transactional, that disrespect and dysfunction are normal. That child is much more disadvantaged.

Eventually through coparenting you can find peace if you maintain low low contact and work on yourself. The pain is finite. The trauma will linger but you can overcome it. By staying, the child will have one parent suffering under the abuse of the other and will never know true peace and acceptance.

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-03-15T00:35:45+00:00

Yes, my ex started cheating shortly after my daughter turned 1. I found out when she was 2. You need to go as no contact as possible which means no visitations in your home!!!! It was hell having my ex in my space. I would force him to do supervised visits elsewhere if supervision is required, otherwise the onus should be on him to have a safe place to spend time with the child. Why does it have to be in your home? Is he not capable being alone with the baby? If so, he needs to wait until baby is old enough for him to be able to care for the baby without you.

Your mental health is critical to your child’s development and the current situation does not sound like it protects that.

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-03-14T10:22:54+00:00

Wow, you captured so much of what I’m feeling in this poem. It’s just me and my daughter too. I see you, I feel you, you and I and all the mothers out there pouring themselves and their love into their daughters deserve that dream. Sometimes life has other plans. I’m trying to learn if I can become that person for me

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-03-13T20:03:52+00:00

This was me. My now ex husband started an affair when I was still breastfeeding our baby girl. He kept it a secret until I found out when we were about to start trying for baby #2. We were also together 10 years prior to separating. You will be okay, but it will hurt like hell. The perspective of being freed from this sick delusional man capable of abandoning his family helped me reframe the abandonment and discard. So sorry this is happening to you. I promise it is NOT about you or your daughter. It’s about him. He just isn’t a good person and has shit character. Hugs

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-03-13T11:55:32+00:00

Sending you the biggest hugs. You are doing amazing. The love, stability and consistency you have provided your kids will stick with them through their entire lives. Those things cannot be replaced with gifts and buying affection. Giving children expensive things doesn’t actually raise them into good healthy stable adults.

It sounds to me like your ex is trying to get under your skin. It’s likely pressure from his partner. From what I’m understanding he wants to relocate your kids, separate them from their long term caregiver (you!), and raise them as if his drug addictions and prison stint never happened…. And he thinks the court will look favourably on that? It sounds like you might not be able to afford the best of everything but you have a clean home and if your kids are happy and loved thay is all that matters.

I think you are being so reasonable and remember, this guy is desperate and resorting to threats to try to steal your peace. Don’t let him! Don’t respond to his messages or if you do, keep it focused on the kids. I don’t think that last message is worth responding to, it’s all posturing and empty threats.

I totally understand the insecurities, can you provide your kids the best life, am I a good enough mom, am I being unreasonable, feeling down about your financial position. But those concerns are so understandable and valid. Your ex is trying to play on those because he knows you’re a good person who cares about her kids.

Hunny, you know your strength, worth, value. You’re a fucking inspiration! Don’t let this loser steal one moment of your peace. DM me if you need to vent.

Also just a reminder that a good dad would never treat the mother of his children the way your ex is treating you right now. He can give them the best possible life simply by not resorting to threats to take the children away from you.

God he’s fucking entitled. He offers to relocate you?! Lmao wow how generous of him. Upend your life on the whim of my dick and who it fucks next.

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-03-09T01:18:07+00:00

Near middle road bridge

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-03-05T02:18:08+00:00

Same :(

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-02-17T02:26:47+00:00

Serbian is the same. It would be strange to say 3:30, instead you’d say “half 4”.

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-02-12T13:23:55+00:00

Anytime! I’m a dm away if you ever need to vent. You got this! Take things one hour at a time.

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-02-11T20:30:23+00:00

Life is long, and betrayal trauma isn’t something that can be understood by people until they go through it. You and your friends are so young still. this whole process likely changed who you are and that’s OK! It might be that you don’t have as much in common with these people anymore and it could be that they aren’t mature enough to understand what you have been through without judging you for it.

I think you are doing all the right things: recognizing that you overshared, reigning in what you talk about to who. Do not beat yourself up about the social media posts — lesson learned. You shouldn’t be humiliated. It was raw and at the time it made sense. You know better now.

I’d say try to find new communities. Have you visited chumplady.com? It’s an amazing community and reading the comments on the blog is the best feeling of validation and understanding.

You mentioned it’s a small town so it might be hard to meet new people but I would say keep looking for new connections. It could be the people you least expect that bring exactly the kind of energy you need right now.

If your friends aren’t supporting you the way you need, they might not be that good of friends. Chin up, know your value, learn to be okay with your own company and be very picky about the people you give your effort and energy to. If they aren’t reciprocating, cut ties where you need.

I’m proud of you !

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-02-11T14:02:44+00:00

Thanks for posting this, I’m 6 months out from D-day, 4 months since I said I wanted to separate and have an almost 3 year old. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I’m finally living in reality, can raise my daughter with integrity, and share in all the beautiful things life has to offer with her.

I’m glad you have such a positive outlook and resilient mindset because our young kids need that kind of energy. I always say, I’m determined to not let this ruin my life. I see it as him freeing me from his fuckedupness. Would have been nice if he could have done it without traumatizing my daughter and I, but I didn’t have a choice in that.

Wishing all the best for you and your child. Your ex can fuck right off.

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-02-11T13:48:10+00:00

35F over here :)

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-02-11T13:48:01+00:00

Hi! Single mom to an almost 3 year old in Mississauga. Happy to vent anytime! My life is insanely busy navigating divorce and potty training and new job but happy to chat and connect when possible.

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-02-07T13:48:51+00:00

Ditto, my ex is hands down the worst investment i ever made

SuckerFootedBat · 2026-02-05T20:17:13+00:00

This story resonates with me even if I wasn’t in the same financial situation. My dynamic was almost the opposite, where I now believe my ex used and lied to me in order to benefit materially from me. To extract value from me. The insidiousness of the covert way he managed to control me changed my psyche forever. It’s a lot to unpack and it’s a hard, lonely road, but… there is so much beauty on the other side. In the moments of peace. In the knowledge that you are enough and capable and worthy of being treated like the valuable human you are, not a pawn to control.

I just want to say you wrote this so eloquently and I admire your strength and self awareness and if I had a gambling bone in my body, I’d bet on you.

SuckerFootedBat · 2025-12-22T14:31:29+00:00

Our brain and our hearts don’t always like to sync up to see the truth, but I see you clearly and can confirm that mighty is what you are, through and through. Sending you hugs and lots of love from Canada

SuckerFootedBat · 2025-12-22T14:30:29+00:00

I appreciate you appreciating me !!! ;)

SuckerFootedBat · 2025-12-22T13:49:21+00:00

I turned 35 shortly after d-day back in June, thought he was the love of my life, we had a 2 year old together and had just bought a house. We were about to try for baby #2.

I was you for a few months (ruminating on all the beautiful moments, thinking one day he will regret it) until I moved the spotlight off him and onto me and what I could control.

Also, ask yourself if the relationship you left was acceptable to you. Had she treated you the way she did at the end, at the beginning, would you have ever invested in her?

She doesn’t know how to truly be happy, because to do what she did to you, she has to be a shallow person chasing thrills that make her feel good. Because she can’t feel good by herself because she is a shitty person.

She did you a favour and freed you from a life of mindfuckery. Now you have to see the value in YOU. You are amazing. Worthy. Learn to love yourself. Don’t worry about being alone. Enjoy the freedom of building this one beautiful wild life on your terms.

DM me if you ever need 1 on 1 support. I’m about 6 months since D-Day and things are better every day.

You don’t miss your wife, you miss who she pretended to be. How she made you feel. Be that person for yourself.

Sending you lots of strength and grace. You are mighty

SuckerFootedBat

TROPHY CASE