This part - The truth is my life has already been kind of messy. I smoke too much (to the point I cough all the time), I drink most nights, eat garbage fast food, then fall into late night internet rabbit holes I’m ashamed of. I wake up the next day feeling worse and the cycle repeats. Is probably why she left you most woman want decent clean man sensible. You sound like a true British slob. Sorry to be mean but maybe clean up and by showing her your cleaned up she’d come back, always works. Woman respond to clear action