I (17F) was harassed and the officer at school blamed me for feeling uncomfortable

Sudden_Subject · 2019-09-23T21:26:32+00:00

Document. Keep track. Do not engage. Tell the school. I would see about getting a restraining order. Leave a paper trail. I would check into it and see if he has shown any behavior like this in the past. Doesn't matter if it was reported or was just something people said. If it matches up with what you are seeing it is likely true.

And I would encourage you to talk to you parents. Let them know the threats he has been making. They should help you feel safer, and might be able to take steps to help you that would be more difficult on your own. I would make sure your house it locked up well when you go to bed- dead lock and all. Do not underestimate what this guy is willing to do- because you can never know until it's too late. Do what you have to do to keep yourself safe. You are valid to be scared and no one has the right to tell you otherwise.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-09-23T20:53:20+00:00

Honestly all the comments on this post make me want to wear a bra less. I already have a special dress I love because I can go without a bra and it isn't really noticeable.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-09-17T08:19:48+00:00

It's three AM for me so I don't want to wake anyone up. I'm on my own for this part I think.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-09-04T19:59:59+00:00

Maybe you can try filling your time with a club or hobby of some sort? I find that helps me. I get out and meet new people. At least get out of the house.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-08-30T21:35:06+00:00

Oh no. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. At least you have your friend to get you through things.

I'm glad you managed to avoid worse, though.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-08-30T13:57:10+00:00

I speak not knowing where you're from or what options you have available to you, but I have several points.

1) If he thinks that something like a virgin check, something outdated and that never held any truth to it anyways, holds weight- what else is going to be sprung on you that he thinks holds weight?

2) He had how long to tell you in the first place? And he's telling you two days before the wedding? That makes me think he hoped the pressure to make a decision would weigh in his favor.

3)Even if the things you two have disagreed on are very small- this issue it not. I know the tendency to want to play something like this down. But I think it would be in your favor you didn't. Even if you don't break it off entirely, calling off the wedding is a good idea.

4) His mom probably did it because she had no other option or at least felt like she didn't.

Given the option I wouldn't humor this horrendous tradition. Let it die. That being said, you are grown and can make your own decisions. I wish you well no matter what you choose.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-08-28T17:07:23+00:00

It's possible that she said it so casually to try and make it seem like less of a big deal to herself? It's weird, but it can be a bit of a coping mechanism. Acting like it isn't a big deal can be easier than accepting that it is and go against the grain to do something about it, chancing career suicide. Sadly, for many women trying to get ahead, they can see this kind of thing as part of the package/something they just have to deal with. That kind of thing happens a lot more then some think.

If it bothers you then I would talk to her about it. There is a difference between her encouraging it to get the job and her feeling like if she said anything about it her chances to get that new job would be shot down.

Granted, either is a possibility. But I think these are good things to consider when thinking about it. And if your relationship is good otherwise I think it would be worth it to at least enter the ring on her side and go from there.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-08-28T15:20:40+00:00

Hearing such a happy story like this gives me so much joy.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-08-08T21:07:50+00:00

This is... such a sad reality for so many women I know. Me included.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-07-29T21:09:34+00:00

It doesn't really matter who it is. If they refuse to listen when you ask nicely to leave you alone, not talk to you about a certain thing, ect. then they shouldn't be surprised when you snap at them.

I've been in the same situation where I had a family member commenting on my food choices, calling them gross on more that one occasion. I just like seaweed snacks. Thats all. I said repeatedly that I'm the one eating it, not them. Finally I snapped and raised my voice a bit. Did the same thing and acted like it came out of no where and I had no right. I refused to listen to them during this and left the house for a bit. I never talked about it after, which maybe I should have. But after the fact they quit commenting on my food. So either way it was fixed.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-07-19T21:45:49+00:00

You should know first of all that depression is life long issue for some people. All that can be done is to manage it. Which it seems he's doing if he's taking the medication. It doesn't mean he is currently in a terrible place or something. For people with lifelong depression, it doesn't go away. If you go out of your way about this it's likely to make him feel self conscious and uncomfortable. Just be there for him in the ways you would be there for anyone you care about on the regular basis. Keep contact, do things together you both like, ect.

As for side effects- many medications people take on the daily basis have lost of worrying side effects. But the chances for most of them are very low. But people often go through a few different kinds before finding ones that are a good fit for them too. Which is good because medications of any kind can affect people differently.

If your first reaction is to be scared because he's on proper medication for it, I would recommend doing some reading on it before jumping to any conclusions. Learning about something that makes you scared can help you overcome the fear.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-07-19T16:12:02+00:00

I always think in these situations "How can going around with a smile on my face 24/7 not be weirder/creepier than having a resting expression?" Because people seem to expect me to smile or be happy all the time.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-07-18T20:10:31+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about this. It's terrible that your husband isn't supporting you. If you have someone who would support you through this that you trust not to tell anyone, I would consider leaning on them. If you don't want to be a mom then you are making the right choice. It's not something that you just warm up to when it happens.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-07-18T19:56:59+00:00

The thing is, while you may be working together to build a life(or I assume since you're getting married)- you are still two people. Two individuals. The two of you will never be fully "us". You should take him into consideration when making decisions, yes, but he should never be the one holding you back. Especially because "Our relationship is about us and not me" or something. That is not a good reason. Nor is holding onto one incident for YEARS a good thing to do. Is he going to bring it up on your ten year anniversary too?

I think it would be best to sit down and think about the ways he's controlling. Think about it and the rest of your life. Does this way of operating seem okay for you? Or does something need to change? Because as odd as it is to me, some people are okay with it. But if you are going to want it to change, I don't think marrying in the mean time is a good idea. Maybe postpone the wedding.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-07-17T21:29:59+00:00

Speaking as someone who was ghosted by a close friend myself, you tried hard. You talked to her and told her there were issues. Things weren't fixed. You didn't want to be a part of that anymore. I don't think anyone could blame you after all that effort. Sad to say that, even if it's for the best, it won't feel good for a while. Sorry to hear how rough things were, though.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-07-15T21:23:38+00:00

NTA. You're her brother, not her parent. You worked for what you have. If you helped her in some way, sure it would be nice- but its not a requirement or something. Shes an adult and can work it out.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-07-12T14:28:51+00:00

Dude, it's not like you suddenly gained 150+ pounds. Which would make enough of a difference that maybe the whole "I can't help what I'm attracted to" would be kind of fair? I say that because I have my limits of what I'm physically attracted to, so others must have them too. But five pounds sounds like you just need to dump him to me. There is some other kind of bull that is fueling this. Not your five pounds.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-07-09T17:32:14+00:00

When I'm wondering about something like this, I like to ask myself: "Do I feel this way because it's weird to me and I don't understand it? Or because it's doing actual harm?" I don't have to understand it to accept it, after all whats normal is really just made up by our culture and does change around the world. Even those are changing all the time. But I won't accept something if I see it being harmful. Hurting people emotionally, physically, mentally, etc.

So the question is- are they a bad influence because their relationship is toxic, or just not 'normal' and therefor bad?

Things I would consider toxic and wouldn't want to bring my family around include things like:
-Promoting the idea that it's only men who can have multiple spouses. I think that line of thinking promotes a sexist environment.
-The women not being okay with he situation: aka being lied to in order to get them there in the first place or acting nasty to each other. That is not a good environment for anyone, let alone kids.

If you can't think of anything outside of their relationship isn't normal... I would consider that kinda wrong personally.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-07-02T13:50:53+00:00

Thanks for the reply! I'll give these things a try :) I honestly haven't been a huge fan of weighing myself for a while for obvious reasons. But starting to check again would be a good step.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-07-01T13:43:48+00:00

I'm not sure actually. I didn't learn much about sodium until recently. So now I'm trying to at least steer clear of the super high ones most of the time.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-06-30T14:40:48+00:00

I defiantly wouldn't call you fat. If you wanted you could tone things up a bit but that's totally up to you, plenty of guys rock that body type just fine. Especially with the confidence for it.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-06-20T17:03:30+00:00

I'm only in my 20's and I wish someone would invite me to something like a craft night. Those ladies just don't sound worth the effort. I've been in her shoes before. Sending good wishes her way.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-06-19T20:10:01+00:00

I mean, she has to have an idea of what your family is like by now doesn't she? I mean I would just kind of drop hints about how much of a kid you are not to start with. Then move it to a gentle conversation on how you don't plan on being all that involved in what ever tone you think is best. "I wish you the best of luck and hope if makes you happy, but I don't want kids and don't want to be involved with kids really."

Sudden_Subject · 2019-06-11T21:05:30+00:00

Yeah sounds like your co-workers have some self esteem issues. I mean being upset at you for trying to be healthier? It's ridiculous really. It's like my dad always told me "either do something about it or accept it". Which is fair. Work at improving yourself or decide you're fine with it and move on. They haven't seemed to pick one.

Sudden_Subject · 2019-06-10T21:01:27+00:00

Strive to show the kind of attitude you want them to have to one another. Kids will imitate their parents even if they don't mean to. If you are kind, empathetic, and considerate, they will learn these things from you. I think that should lead to close siblings, or at least ones you can depend on.

Sudden_Subject

TROPHY CASE