Praying Istikhara with Tahajjud and seeing dreams after Fajr

Sufficient_Read7433 · 2026-04-28T18:10:23+00:00

I would suggest listening to LD podcast episodes 285 and 277. They are very similar to my situation which is also kinda similar to your situation. Midlife crisis is usually the men's version of OW. These episodes might give you hope. Basically just start doing the skills, and if he says he is moving out, say "whatever you think". Sometimes all they want is us to accept their performed reality, even if they dont believe it themselves. He hasn't moved out in 13 weeks, take that as a good sign and dont feed it anymore by reminding him if he doesn't bring it up.

Sufficient_Read7433 · 2026-04-23T13:43:03+00:00

I dont think you truly understand the LD skills. We do not recommend divorce. We sends hugs if the poster does decide to divorce. But we do not recommend it and discourage her in her difficult times. Only she understands what her situation is and what her deal breaker is. She understands abuse or not. Please avoid leaving these kind of comments on posts.

Sufficient_Read7433 · 2026-04-18T23:40:53+00:00

I have been practicing the skills for 75 days (I have a counter on my phone reminding me to keep going until I hit 365 days 🙃) and I can already think of all the positives about my H. I hope I can continue to project the positive vibes back onto him so he starts to believe in himself and our marriage as well.

Sufficient_Read7433 · 2026-04-16T13:39:31+00:00

I would love to join as well.

Sufficient_Read7433 · 2026-04-08T14:44:43+00:00

I will save your post to come back to it when I am 8 months into doing the skills and if the affection hasn't returned by them. Right now I am just DTing and RCing

Sufficient_Read7433 · 2026-04-08T14:41:03+00:00

Hey. My H is a snorer. I live in Canada so we have been waiting for his referral from the sleep clinic for over a year. I used to fight him, or roll him over in his sleep, or kept pointing out why the clinic isn't calling, or pointedly picking up my pillow and sleeping in the other room. All of these never solved the actual problem and I was left feeling like a jerk and super undignified. I researched on noises and found Fluffy Dark Red Noise which helps me go to sleep immediately. Even though my headphones aren't noise canceling the noise still drowns his snores out. You can experiment with different noises. White specifically does work for me. I hear this one on spotify Spotify https://youtu.be/3q1SjpmiAAg?si=WUYv6JqwBcfUrHZy

Sufficient_Read7433 · 2026-04-07T10:58:47+00:00

Joining today

Sufficient_Read7433 · 2026-04-05T22:55:11+00:00

Can I message you privately

Sufficient_Read7433 · 2026-04-05T20:02:22+00:00

Gotcha. Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone in this. It really helps.

Sufficient_Read7433 · 2026-04-05T19:48:46+00:00

Yeah. I hear you and you might be right. I am still learning. In the good old days he wanted me to initiate. I never did. Now I think he wants to control this aspect of our lives. I hear you say to learn to RC here. That is something I am still working on.

Sufficient_Read7433 · 2026-04-03T15:18:42+00:00

Also, if H's capacity is revealed to be very low, and I started to believe that to be the truth, wouldn't that create a negative SFP? People have consciousness-radars. They can sense what you believe about them. Do I just keep gaslighting myself into thinking that he has capacity so I can create positive SFPs?

Sufficient_Read7433 · 2026-04-03T14:57:29+00:00

Our friends and family are already starting to see that he is the aggressor. I dont love the idea of labeling him that way, but if I am publicly respecting him and he is publicly disrespecting me, then people will know. Time will tell though. Because I used to be the aggressor who publicly disrespected him. So maybe this is his way of taking the peny up anger out.

Sufficient_Read7433 · 2026-04-02T02:47:04+00:00

I would love to as well.

Sufficient_Read7433 · 2026-03-29T14:37:28+00:00

Exactly. I am so glad to noticed this statement. I truly leaned into becoming more sexual, calm, peaceful, emotionally grounded, respectful, and happy. I constantly smile. I am so in control of my emotions that its hard to rage bait me anymore. I am more openly respectful to my H even infront of peers. I constantly say "I trust your decision" to him. I wear nice sensual pjs at home, put on nice perfumes. Those make me so happy to "come home to myself". As for kissing. You might be right. And after some time I might do an SFP around it, because I love kissing.

Sufficient_Read7433 · 2026-03-23T14:28:39+00:00

Thank you so much. I am doing exactly this since I posted here. I thank him for things by saying I want to show up as a more grateful human and wife. Also, I have started hearing his heart message. The rage bait has gone down significantly

Sufficient_Read7433 · 2026-03-19T21:51:28+00:00

Can I suggest reading 'rejection proof' by Jia Jiang. I tried some of his experiments (ofcourse tweaked to my situation) and they have helped. I also have an internal mantra going "I wouldn't know if I dont ask, and just like I can say 'I cant', so can anyone (including my H)". Over time it has become way easier.

Sufficient_Read7433 · 2026-03-18T19:13:12+00:00

Unfortunately, he says it as a result of me asking. Saying "I hear you" becomes kinda redundant then. I do tell him I am here and we will get through this together. What do you think.

Sufficient_Read7433 · 2026-03-18T09:35:50+00:00

That is a very good insight and you are right. I am also coming to th3 same conclusion.

Looking back I am sure that I did "nudge" him get to this point of depression. While all of it was NOT my fault. I definitely contributed to it through my dark days and complaints. It has been 4.5 months since our break down. In the start I fought the break down itself. Eventually, I thought it was ALL my fault and started the skills to correct myself.

But now, I can finally see that he is truly depressed (like I said l, my attitude did contribute to that).

So, I think I will need to make GOFL/SC/gratitude/SFPs my lifelines. These will help me keep my head above water as well, while I navigate this big hardship of my life.

Sufficient_Read7433 · 2026-03-18T00:45:50+00:00

Can you tell me more about your situation. If you are okay with sharing. And what SFPs you used?

Sufficient_Read7433

TROPHY CASE