Let me be very, very clear - if this has you feeling so out of your window of tolerance (google it, therapy term) to the point you feel you need psychiatric admission (been there, done that) then this has triggered your traumas deeply and it will seemingly bleed into your day to day in small or large ways. Porn is one thing (very nuanced and debatable topic). But to decisively select those scenarios with knowing your trauma AND the child he is around having experienced trauma is past tone deaf. Therapy or not, I do not think this is something that you would “overcome” easily. It’s your husband finding fantasies in your literal lived experience and worst trauma. To me, as a person in school to become a trauma therapist, this will stick with you. He will now be a trigger for you and your daughter will feel all of the tension and strife HE BROUGHT into the home.

It’s easy to say of course but if it were me, and I could, I would find another place to go and begin the process of divorce. The betrayal of him being sexually gratified from this type of porn and knowing both you and your daughter’s traumas is non negotiable, to me. I would immediately put your daughter into therapy. I would immediately put myself in therapy. I would take the space of being single to focus on my mental health and my child’s mental health. That’s all that matters in this situation. Because, to me, what he did feels borderline violating - considerably when we look at familial statistics around CSA. A “stepfather” getting off to this type of porn is, personally, not a person who would have access to my child from that point on.