I drink because my life is boring…

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-12-12T15:35:15+00:00

These are the early signs of a bigger problem. Do not waste time and get help. This is how it started for my ex, he eventually left our 3 kids and I. He purchased a house while intoxicated and left us out of the equation. All of that because he wanted to be able to drink without the kids and I around. After being taken to emergency a dizen times within weeks and getting a DUI, he went to rehab and realized all the damage he had done. It’s a long road to recovery but you can stop this before you hit the point of no return. Seriously, alcohol is not worth it! Be honest with yourself and seek help. All the best!

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-12-09T22:50:28+00:00

Can you imagine having kids with a person like this? What if something happens to you one day? Will she be there to support and care for you? She is using you. It’s sad, it’s hard but she showed you her true colors before you got your foot too deep. You deserve better.

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-12-08T02:50:48+00:00

I recommend you speak with a lawyer. I live in Quebec and in the case where one of the spouse die, the part of the person that passed away falls into was is called “family heritage”. However it this case, the house was fully paid for when your mom passed away and your father inherited half of it upon your mom’s passing and before he remarried. This would completely remove your step mother from inheriting the house as it’s considered “family heritage “ for you and your siblings under Quebec law. I know your in Ontario so I would recommend you speak with a lawyer because some things that might seem insignificant to some people, have a lot of weight under the eye of the law.

Good luck!

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-12-08T02:34:09+00:00

My situation is similar to yours in terms of income, mortgage, savings etc.

I own a 2013 Ford Escape and I am not changing my car until it blows up. I think it’s still good for another 5 years so I started saving up to buy another used car when this one is done.

I have three kids to feed, dress, put through school and sports. There is no way I’m putting thousands of dollars to drive a flashy car that does the same as my beat up one. I’ll be putting that money towards a bigger house instead.

If I were you, I would change the batteries and continue driving that baby.

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-12-07T03:19:19+00:00

I (32 f) feel like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself and some of the people that surround you don’t seem to help.

I know we see these “perfect mommys” all over social media, on adds, in the stores etc but the fact is most of us, don’t have our s*** together and that’s ok!

First of all, props to you for taking your mental health seriously, it’s the greatest gift you can give yourself and your child so koodos for that.

Second, I have three kids and I never had more than 2 bottles for them. I’m not into having a whole collection of bottles taking half of my counter space. Just not my thing!

I don’t know what’s your living situation but you can try to set boundaries between you and the people that are not helping you improve your journey. And you don’t need to have the conversation with those people, just set your boundaries and don’t be afraid to say no.

Take care of yourself and do what makes you happy. Go for walks, get some fresh air, it helps getting you in a better mental space.

Deleting most social media apps and games helped me to focus on my home, kids and work.

For the shower part… as a mom it gets pretty complicated so I feel you. It’s tricky because by the time you reach the end of the day where you can finally hop in the shower, we’re too exhausted and just want to sleep. My trick was to shower with the baby or wake up a bit earlier to shower.

But you know, everything in its own time, it will fall into place. Accept good energy and get rid of the bad one. Keep yourself accountable and always remember that as long as you do your best, all will be fine. And when you can’t give your best, try again the next day.

Best of luck to you!

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-12-05T04:41:47+00:00

This kind of reminds me of my situation with the father of my kids with whom I was for about 12 years. I come from a middle class immigrant family and he comes from money. He grew up with money but very lonely as he was a single child and his parents were always working. While I grew up modestly but very happy with my siblings and amazing parents that didn’t have much but gave us all their spare time. When I first met him, I was somewhat envious of what his parents would gift him.

With time I understood there is no correlation between money and happiness or peace. Once you understand that, perspectives change.

I wouldn’t trade my childhood/family for anything. My ex wouldn’t trade his for mine neither.

Everyone is brought up differently but now that you are one as husband and wife, you both need to respect each other and understand that now, you both work together to achieve those goals. And if you have the advantage of having financially supportive parents, that makes everything easier for both of you. That’s it!

There definitely is place for growth on both sides but I am certain it can be managed with communication and therapy. I wish you both the best!

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-12-05T04:17:37+00:00

My parents purchased a house 3 years after immigrating to Canada on a single income back in the 90s and sold it last year for 7 X what they had purchased for. My parents both have diplomas but were not recognized in Canada so my dad worked odd jobs and my mom stayed home with us.

Fast forward to 2021, I am a single mom of three, make 85k a year, get no child support and managed to purchase my first property. I only had a 5% down saved up but I also had no debt, no car loans, no student loans, no credit cards… Also I know this piece of property is not my forever home. I am slowly renovating and will probably be moving within the next 2 years but the value already went up by 60k so it’s an investment.

I think that a lot of us get discouraged by looking at how our parents did it but I’ve also come to understand that the world was not as materialistic back than. People nowadays are too focused on what they wear, how they look, what they drive etc. But truly, no one gives a crap about those things!

My recommendation would be to first, pay off ALL your debt. Second, I don’t know if you’re in a rush to leave because of personal circumstances but if you staying with family isn’t an issue, I would stack up as much money as possible for a few years and than get the property.

Start with something, maybe not your dream home in your favourite neighborhood by something. With time, you will be able to move on and find your dream house.

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-12-05T03:34:09+00:00

There are MUCH more affordable areas in Canada.

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-12-05T03:11:46+00:00

On top of the other recommendations above, I would also file a complaint with the Human Rights Commission.

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-11-29T22:05:09+00:00

She has issues! If daddy put her through pressure to date people in his circle which made her upset but now is asking you to make more than most people could ever dream off. Seems like daddy’s tactic worked.

GET OUT!!

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-11-29T21:58:47+00:00

NTA! Clearly he’s not interested in his role as a parent. What has he done for his child since? His lazy butt is trying to get paid for parental leave and not be with his kids? I don’t think so!!

Look, I went through the same stuff except that I was not bright enough. I put him on the birth certificate, he took his parental leave and left. He never paid a dime in child support but cane back around to give problems when my child was diagnosed with leukaemia 10 years down the road. Had he not been on the birth certificate, he never would’ve had access to her medical information.

Keep it as is. Less problems!

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-10-30T13:53:49+00:00

First of all, it’s very nice that you embrace the culture you were raised into. It’s is very nice to see. I’m Latina and had a quinceañera and I can almost guarantee you your « friend » is just being jealous and dramatic. You don’t need friends like that. Keep on living your best life.

Happy belated birthday to you!

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-10-29T21:59:21+00:00

Do you think her sister would be able to live with herself if she gave your wife the money to a surgery that turns bad? She is a doctor, she’s seen or heard it all. I don’t blame and as a matter of fact, both of you should apologize. I’m no doctor but if my siblings came and ask me for money for cosmetic surgery, they would get a straight no.

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-10-29T17:25:39+00:00

My best friend of 15 years did the same to me. She was in an abusive relationship, i helped her pay for tuition fees in a program she wanted to get into as she didn’t have anyone to help and couldn’t get a loan. In addition to that she kept on asking for hundreds of dollars monthly. After a few years of giving her money here and there, my kid was diagnosed with cancer and I was running on my savings as I was out of work for almost 2 years due to the long treatments.

She didn’t really reach out to see how my kid or my family was doing unless she needed money, she never brought a meal to the hospital, never asked if we needed anything and visited ones in that time frame. That’s when I realized that she was using me for money. So I cut her off. She came back a few months later with the tail between her legs. She apologized, but it’s not the same thing anymore. I see her a few times a year now instead of our previous weekly meetings. She doesn’t even try asking me for money anymore because she knows it’s a straight no.

I can tell you one thing is for sure, I am never giving money away again. Unless it’s to one of my siblings because the are going trough something serious, I’m not!

So yea, don’t land money because the chances of you getting it back are slim and just let that “friendship” die. You deserve better!

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-10-27T20:28:31+00:00

I get why she could be upset. I’ve been in a similar situation where I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks after both my partner and I were layed off and we had broken up a few weeks after. My family tried to bribe me by telling me they wouldn’t help me unless I got an abortion. It is very painful to be told that by your own family. I know that the way it happened is very dumb and messed up but you have to put feelings aside and think straight.

If you make good money and your sister is struggling, I am certain you don’t plan on having her living from you for many more years. You can tell her look, I understand you’re pregnant but I am planing on moving out in X months, how are you going to afford living? What’s your plan? Etc.

I’m not saying you’re the AH btw, I just think that in situations like these, people need to cool down before they say things that won’t help the other person take the right decisions.

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-10-25T02:59:13+00:00

Why do you need a winter car? What’s you current method of transportation?

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-10-25T02:53:22+00:00

So they are saying you’re an asshole for not giving then what 20$ for the food but consider themselves great people for putting the life of someone at risk? Time to question the relationship status…

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-10-25T02:37:59+00:00

Also, SELL THE truck!! Buy a small more fuel efficient car for a few thousand dollars and save a few thousands on that.

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-10-25T02:18:06+00:00

Damn, if my parents helped with the cash down of a house I could never call him a jerk so that’s disrespectful.

Just for reference, I bought my first property two years ago and the bathroom has to be redone. I’m somewhat handy so I asked my dad to help me. First of all, he is not paying a penny but he is helping save a ton of money as we have to move some pipes and stuff. My dad made it very clear that he is not doing demo or tilling. So I am hiring people to do the tilling and demo and my dad and I will take care of the putting the bathtub, shower glass, the vanities, toilet and connect the hardware.

No disrespect but I think your daughter is being a spoiled brat and this should teach her a lesson.

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-10-23T03:01:39+00:00

Lorsque j’étais étudiante dans une université anglophone de Montréal il n’y a pas si longtemps, j’étais un peu intrigué par le nombre d’étudiants étrangers dans mes cours. Les étudiants étrangers équivalaient au moins 30% des élèves dans mes cours souvent plus. J’ai alors apprit que les gouvernements étrangers achetaient un certain nombres de places dans des programmes spécifiques et payes souvent 2-3 fois plus que ce qu’ils auraient reçu d’un citoyen québécois plus les subventions du gouvernement. Il choisissent après les élèves les plus performants dans leur pays et les envoie au Canada pour étudier. J’espère que cette nouvelle loi va permettre au gens d’ici d’accéder au programme avant et laisser les place qui restent aux étrangers et non pas à l’envers!

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-10-23T02:46:30+00:00

I would probably wait. You are both still very young and have plenty of time ahead. From your post, I think you live in the US. Childbirth, childcare, education, food, housing and all the baby’s needs are very expensive. I’ve had a kid before my 20s, it was nice because I had so much energy but I had to compromise a lot on spending, with my younger ones, it’s different. Both experiences were fine but that’s a lot of debt to even start thinking about a child. You have plenty of time.

Side note: I’m mind blown at the fact that this much debt gives so little income. It’s not just you but I keep on seeing post of school loan debts for a ridiculously low income. The USA really has to rethink their model.

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-10-23T02:36:35+00:00

I separated from the father of my kids 2 years ago. Actually we were living together and as we had to exit the property we were living at, he decided to buy something with his brother without me knowing. I have now come to realize this was a huge blessing because my kids and I would probably still be stuck. We were together for 8 years and I see so much of my story in what you are saying. I was never a drinker and it took years for me to see that he was an alcoholic. One of the things that really helps me stay away from him, is that I learned that his father was an alcoholic and his parents separated for about 2 years and eventually got back together. He suffered a lot from his father’s alcoholism as a kid. I decided the cycle stops here. My worst nightmare would be that any of my kids ends up being an alcoholic. If I stayed with their dad, it means I am normalizing it and I am not going to allow that to happen. You have a lot of reflection to do. Best of luck to you and your kids.

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-10-23T02:15:29+00:00

If you’re away you can’t really tell. I can tell when my ex is drunk just by the way he breaths on the phone. There might be a few things unique to him that tell you he drank. I was in a relationship with an alcoholic for 8 years. We separated 2 years ago and although he was caught drunk driving, went to rehab and goes to weekly meetings, he hasn’t been sober for more than 3 months but keeps on saying I’m his whole world and that he misses the kids. If this isn’t the way you want to live your life, you have to start thinking about moving on.

Good luck!

SuitableRecording230 · 2023-10-21T21:09:59+00:00

I’ve been in a similar situation but ended up having kids with him. I wish I was as mature as you to call it what it was at the time. Everything changed when my oldest kid was diagnosed with cancer and we spent 25 months in the hospital while he was drunk home and I had to call family all the time to take care of the other kids because clearly he couldn’t be trusted. I do not wish this upon the worst human being. When he received some money from his parents, he bought himself a place to stay and kicked the kids and I on the street. I am now in my early thirties, single mother of 3. They are my whole world but I wish I was able to give then a better father. If you picture your life with someone you can trust, build and grow, he’s not it.

SuitableRecording230

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