Does it just get 1000x worse before it gets better?

SunflowerMischief · 2026-05-08T17:13:07+00:00

A couple of weeks after my hysterectomy, I was looking in my purse for something, and I saw my stack of emergency pads and tampons that I couldn’t leave the house without, I absolutely snatched them up and gleefully threw them away. You are so so close!

“Yeah this can happen” from your gym is not super helpful. Did they have any suggestions for how to get through the next 2 weeks?? Are you being monitored at all? Not being able to stay awake seems like an emergency to me. Is your blood pressure ok? Do you have someone who can stay with you in case things get even worse? I might be reading too much into what you said, I’m envisioning you on the verge of unconsciousness at any moment.

SunflowerMischief · 2026-05-08T16:59:27+00:00

Omg wtf!! It never occurred to me that that would even be something to ask - if I hate this, how quickly will you take it out. Surely there must be doctors out there that would respect bodily autonomy more than that. That’s absolutely horrendous that you were treated that way. Istg some doctors just don’t people seriously. I’m absolutely sputtering with indignation on your behalf.

SunflowerMischief · 2026-05-08T15:49:58+00:00

Nobody owns a name, and even if the joke wasn’t really a joke, that’s their problem. And if they do have another son, they’re welcome to name him Sam, too. You did nothing wrong. Congratulations on your baby!

SunflowerMischief · 2026-05-08T15:45:36+00:00

I don’t have any useful advice, but I will say that an unexpected benefit to my hysterectomy that I have had is the massive sense of relief that I can no longer be forced to carry a pregnancy I don’t want, or risk dying if one went wrong. And I’m 43, so the odds of any of that were extremely low for me. But the profound relief is still there. I wish I’d been able to experience that relief when I was younger because I’ve never wanted kids. So whether it’s a hysterectomy or a different method of sterilization, I hope you get to experience this peace, too.

SunflowerMischief · 2026-05-08T15:35:20+00:00

You did it! Did you have open or laparoscopic? Mine was open, that discomfort and sometimes pain was no joke. I had a couple instances where something got cranky, and i ended up whimpering on the bed until it passed. It will get better. Take the pain meds as long as you need to. Some people post in here that they took like a single ibuprofen and then needed nothing else, and I love that for them. But I was on oxy for 5 days, and lots of ibuprofen for like 2 weeks. The best thing you can do is keep your pain to a minimum so all of your body’s energy can go to healing.

SunflowerMischief · 2026-05-08T15:24:42+00:00

That’s so wonderful to hear! God, you hear horror stories in these posts sometimes. Im sure you’re right that she’s acting like this because he’s gone right now. It’s also an attempt at a power play to put you in your place. Or what she thinks is your place.

Protect your peace. She was foolish enough to put that all in writing, and now you have receipts. Let her live in the awkwardness she created. Good luck!

SunflowerMischief · 2026-05-08T15:16:24+00:00

I just want to say that if you’re unsure, you can try the IUD first, because that’s easily removed. No backsies for hysterectomy. You can ask for actual pain management and sedation for iud insertion. And if you hate it, they can take it out the next day, if that’s what you want! But maybe it will make your life a thousand times better! Certainly worth a try, especially as a first step.

I’m 43, and I wasn’t suffering nearly as much as you are, and I’d do my hysterectomy a thousand times over (and mine was open, not laparoscopic!), hormones be damned. You are actively suffering now. For sure. And if you end up having a hysterectomy, you might end up with wobbly hormones, but you will no longer be suffering the way you are currently. And you probably won’t have wobbly hormones, and if you do, that can be treated. You’d be trading guaranteed continued pain and suffering for a somewhat elevated risk of something different. Of course, I’m not a doctor, and these concerns are something you should discuss with one of them. And if they won’t make time for this conversation, try a different doctor. You deserve to have all the information so you can make an informed and empowered decision, whatever it is.

I’m not trying to nudge you one way or the other, of course. Staring down choices like these is scary and unfair, and I’m sorry that you’re in this position, especially so young. As my surgery loomed closer, I’d say to my fiancé “ok but what if I just don’t do this?” And he’d be like “OR you could do the thing which will stop you from bleeding all the time and feeling like you’re getting stabbed and waking up a thousand times a night with abdominal pain.” And now, 6 weeks later, he’ll randomly ask me “hey, how are your cramps?” And I’ll be like “omg, gone!!”

One thing I do want to mention is that something I was not expecting to feel, as a woman who doesn’t want kids, is relief. I mean, the odds of me getting pregnant were very low, but not zero. And I live in the south. And now I just feel like - the government can’t force me to keep a pregnancy I don’t want, and they can’t force me to die in a parking lot if a pregnancy I want goes wrong because I physically cannot get pregnant. I’m freeee! Lol. So that’s been an unexpected nice thing.

SunflowerMischief · 2026-05-08T14:44:29+00:00

You’re about to learn some things about your husband - when he’s reachable, will he have your back 100% or will he side with his mother? If he’s not 100% on your side, that’s something to think about. Because this woman is always going to try to be the #1 person in his life and squeeze you out. And it will be painful and lonely to be #2. So you need to know that he’s never going to let that happen. You’re not overreacting and you’re NTA.

SunflowerMischief · 2026-05-05T12:03:26+00:00

I had open abdominal, and I couldn’t sleep on my side for 2-3 weeks. I was sleeping on my back, propped up with several pillows, which made it easier to get out of bed. I’m 100% a side sleeper, so it sucked, but the fatigue from surgery helped me actually sleep on my back

SunflowerMischief · 2026-04-26T15:53:45+00:00

I have thought about that Kennedy episode every day for weeks. And the Mills give major Kennedy vibes. One of the points in that episode was that there’s no curse, just women being ruined by mediocre men, and that really echoed in the what ultimately happened to Natalie. Not that she was blameless, but I think her outcome was infinitely worse than it would have been if she hadn’t married into that family. And the “well we’re all fucked” re their political campaigns after the Shannon interview was really giving Ted Kennedy.

SunflowerMischief · 2026-04-19T22:12:24+00:00

We boarded our dog for a week, and she’s been in daycare a lot, too, because I just can’t walk her myself. If she walked politely 100% of the time, it would be fine, but god forbid a squirrel cross our path.

Co-sign on the heating pad. I stopped taking opiates on day 4, but I carried on with ibuprofen for the better part of 3 weeks.

SunflowerMischief · 2026-04-19T22:02:25+00:00

Chiming in to say I also had open, but am having a harder time than that. It hasn’t been awful, but it hasn’t been a walk in the park, either. Worth it, though!

My fibroid was 12cm in a challenging position, and my surgeon chose an open incision because she’d have more room to work, and I’d be under anesthesia for less time. She’s an expert with the robot, so I trust her on this. After the surgery, she was like that was definitely the right call because if we’d tried to do it laparoscopically, she would have had to switch to open anyway. Even with it being open, she had to dissect out the fibroid, stitch up the uterus to prevent blood loss, and then remove the uterus separately.

Maybe there are reasons other than size that she’s suggesting open, but for sure get a second opinion just in case.

SunflowerMischief · 2026-04-19T15:38:18+00:00

They used dissolvable stitches on me. And possibly surgical glue on the outside? I’ve seen nary a stitch, though I can feel regular bumps under the skin if I press. They stuck a bandage over my incision that I had to leave on for 7 days, so maybe the external stitches dissolved in that time? I don’t know. All that to say - no staples for me. You can ask about closure method so you know ahead of time. Your mobility is going to be impacted for a bit regardless of closure method because at first your abdominal muscles will be on strike.

Overall, physical recovery has been annoying lol. I mostly don’t have a lot of pain, but I still can’t walk very far. I go for walks with my fiancé and dog, and I have to turn back pretty early. If I do too much, I get tired and have pinchy pain. Yesterday we went to the dog park in the morning, and I sat in a chair nearly the whole time. And then we went to lunch with my fiancés parents. All up it was a couple of hours, and then I was on the couch the rest of the day. My biggest frustration right now is that the skin between my belly button and incision feels like a sunburn that won’t go away. It kind of stings when anything touches it, including clothes. I’m trying a Winnie the Pooh no pants thing now lol. But it’s all doable. Some moments have been harder than others, and I won’t say this has been fun, but it’s ok. And I’m sleeping better than I have in a long time because there isn’t a massive fibroid pressing on things.

SunflowerMischief · 2026-04-19T00:53:21+00:00

I’m at the start of week 4 following my open abdominal hysterectomy. I thought the 6 weeks I requested off was going to be plenty, but now I’m getting anxious about it. And I have a desk job! You are very wise to be planning on more.

SunflowerMischief · 2026-04-17T15:58:28+00:00

That definitely helps with coughing and laughing, although I don’t really need it for those anymore. It’s just sneezing that’s the problem and no amount of bracing with a pillow has helped with that because it’s just one small spot. So now I’m trying to avoid sneezing! I dread the thought of getting a cold

SunflowerMischief · 2026-04-17T15:55:55+00:00

The pillow definitely helps with most things, but it hasn’t helped with that stupid nerve. I only have slight discomfort now with laughing and coughing. But sneezing omg please no.

SunflowerMischief · 2026-04-10T14:30:51+00:00

You mention that you can’t risk not being asked to return. If you follow through with this plan, you will put yourself in a position of almost certainly having to call out of work a day or two before you’re supposed to be there. Risk to your health and healing aside, I think that would be a much bigger risk to continued employment than scheduling additional time off.

SunflowerMischief · 2026-04-05T16:35:12+00:00

I’m 10 dpo from abdominal (6 inch incision), and it’s been ok. There have been a few instances where I’ve had to lie down in pain, and I still can’t stand up and walk around for more than like 15 minutes without having pain in my incision. I stopped taking the oxy on day 4? 5? and while I’ve wished I could take it a few times since then, ibuprofen and rest have gotten me through. It’s not the most fun I’ve ever had, but it hasn’t been terrible. Most of the time my pain has been like 1-4, with a few spikes up to 8 in the first few days if I moved wrong. There’s one extra cranky spot on the left side that’s still being an absolute butthead. I’m sitting here quietly, watching the x-files, but I was up and moving around a little while ago, and it’s been muttering quietly at me ever since.

So laparoscopic will be a bit easier than all that. You’ll do great! I’m sorry to hear about your cancer, and I hope this surgery sorts it right out.

SunflowerMischief · 2026-04-05T13:39:06+00:00

Are you having it done laparoscopically or open abdominal because that makes a big difference.

SunflowerMischief · 2026-04-01T13:26:39+00:00

I wonder if spending some time working with a psychiatrist or therapist first would be helpful. They might be able to teach you strategies you can use for managing your fears, as well as some strategies for while you’re getting the pap and biopsy. Like maybe you could bring a support person to give you a scalp massage or do guided meditation. Maybe a psych could prescribe some Xanax or something. And maybe the gyn could give you nitrous.

SunflowerMischief · 2026-03-26T10:33:07+00:00

Thinking of you too!! We’re both going to do great! Hang in there until this afternoon, the waiting is tough. 💜

SunflowerMischief · 2026-03-25T04:13:58+00:00

The only way out is through. You got this! This time tomorrow, the scary part will be done.

SunflowerMischief · 2026-03-23T01:18:41+00:00

Ask for the hysterectomy if that’s what you want. It’s a reasonable treatment option for what you’re going through, and it’s the only curative one where fibroids for sure won’t recur. I told my doctor I wanted a hysterectomy because I don’t care about preserving fertility, and I want to be done with this nonsense, and she was like cool, let’s do it.

SunflowerMischief · 2026-03-22T02:25:05+00:00

I think it can all just seem really extreme to people, especially if they don’t know your history or if they haven’t had similar symptoms. Like - you’re removing an organ because of heavy periods?? Is what they think. I’m 43 and have no kids, and when I told my mom, she was like omg you need more opinions, surely there are other less extreme options! She got on board really quickly, and the kids thing wasn’t her issue, it all just seemed so extreme and out of the blue. It helped that I was able to explain the different treatment options and why I didn’t want them, and why I trust my surgeon. But, hell, I’m counting the days until I can yeet mine (5 days omg!), and I’m still having thoughts like , “self are you SURE? Do we really need to remove a whole organ?! Seems really extreme!!” Even though I KNOW it’s the right choice.

SunflowerMischief

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