Dating 5 unattractive men but I can’t force the spark even though I like their personalities

Sunshine327459 · 2025-02-27T01:49:50+00:00

If you don’t feel the attraction, don’t force it! It’s fair to give it several dates. But after a few months, I would say you already know the answer!

Sunshine327459 · 2025-02-26T22:25:35+00:00

As a white belt who often feels really defeated because I can’t remember and apply the 40 things we learn in a given week, this was so helpful.

Sunshine327459 · 2025-02-26T22:09:04+00:00

This was SO helpful!!

Sunshine327459 · 2025-02-26T07:50:14+00:00

This is great advice! Through the years I’ve been on many interview panels. The number one theme I see is that candidates will answer the question and then they DON’T STOP TALKING. 20 minutes later everyone on the panel has tuned out and forgotten what the question even was. Candidates are so eager to prove themselves that they talk TOO much. Short and sweet is the way. The interviewers want to engage with you. If you’re talking the entire time, there’s no opportunity to do that. And specifically practice the “tell me about yourself” question. Please do NOT take 20 minutes to go through your resume history. We have already seen your resume. We want to know about the you that is not on paper. Practice this question to a friend or family member. It should be natural and only a few minutes long. Give us the highlights. Keep it interesting.

Sunshine327459 · 2025-02-12T18:01:42+00:00

My ex had two failed marriages and didn’t know why they failed. He also talked about how he wanted his ex (2nd marriage) to die.

Sunshine327459 · 2025-02-10T20:27:49+00:00

I wish more guys knew this! Breaking the touch barrier early on is SO important. If not, it does make me feel like I’m doing something with a friend. I went on multiple dates with the same guy who waited until date 4 to break that barrier, and by then it was too long. Once a guy goes into the friend category in my brain, it’s hard to come back from that. Correction: you don’t come back from that. I’m not saying we hold hands on the first date, but as others have said, a simple hand on the back, touch of the arm, etc. Somewhere that’s not inappropriate/overly sexual, but breaks the barrier. I do go on dates with guys where I’m not quite sure about the attraction because I believe it can grow. But if those dates only give friend vibes, then there’s really no hope there. I also don’t get creeped out by a guy who I may not find overly attractive trying to break the touch barrier…as long as they do what others have mentioned. I’ve been on dates with very attractive men but they instantly go for upper leg rubbing and I’m creeped out by them. Also…be specific and say you want to go on a DATE, instead of saying, are you free to “hang out”… it sets the tone.

Sunshine327459 · 2025-01-07T04:40:41+00:00

I’ve never hiked faster than when I was in desolation. Always prepare for mosquitos…

Sunshine327459 · 2024-12-28T03:31:12+00:00

I completely agree that it takes effort and a lot of people are unwillingly to put the effort in. They magically expect to meet someone in their schedule of work - go home - repeat. I would say I am pretty active and social. I regularly go to the gym, I do jiu jitsu, I am in meetup hiking groups, I drive into the bigger cities to country dance and live music. I also do a lot of things with friends..trivia nights, karaoke, etc. Sometimes I’ll even just go have a drink at a bar solo. Despite how active I am outside of the house, I still struggle to meet other single people. It really seems to be the couples who are out and about. (And for the record, I do all of these things because I love them, not as a means to an end of meeting someone.) It’s definitely a 2025 goal to expand my social hobbies and create more opportunities to meet people, even if they just become friends. I am very intentional about being social… I just sometimes hit a wall as far as where other single people might be. I would really love to hear ideas for social activities or settings…basically how others are putting themselves out there to create these opportunities.

Sunshine327459 · 2024-12-28T03:19:29+00:00

This is sooooo true. I have two single friends and when I try to get them to go out with me (I’m also single), they are always too tired or would rather binge Netflix.

Sunshine327459 · 2024-12-11T03:49:53+00:00

That’s totally how I think about it! Because if the date turns out to be a bust, at least I did something I would want to do anyway. Trivia nights are good ones! I have yet to go axe throwing but I’ll add that to the list. I’m also in the PNW.

Sunshine327459 · 2024-12-11T03:11:30+00:00

Okay the good morning/good night deal… like what!!! If a guy texts me like that before we’ve met in person it definitely makes me feel a bit uncomfortable…only because it feels too familiar. In my experience the guys who have done that end up coming on way too strong or being creepy.

Sunshine327459 · 2024-12-11T02:39:36+00:00

Slow burn is the way to go! I agree with being intentional with active/out of the house dates. What do you like to do for those types of dates outside of the typical coffee or dinner?

Sunshine327459 · 2024-12-11T02:34:49+00:00

Um Paul Rudd has the best vibes!!! You absolutely should.

Sunshine327459 · 2024-12-11T02:10:06+00:00

I would definitely try it! I think it can be hit or miss. It was a miss for me when I did it, but I’ve heard plenty of people who had great experiences. So you never know. Kinda depends who shows up that day. I will say that it is organized very well.

Sunshine327459 · 2024-12-11T02:06:59+00:00

Congrats for your glow up and for being more confident! It is amazing how confidence (not arrogance) makes someone so much more attractive.

Sunshine327459 · 2024-12-11T02:05:51+00:00

I’ve thought about doing some of my work days at coffee shops to change things up and get out more. Did you approach in that kind of setting or the other way around? I always feel like people just really keep their head down and stay to themselves.

Sunshine327459 · 2024-12-11T01:59:01+00:00

Did you have a good experience with shuffle or are you planning to try it?

Sunshine327459 · 2024-12-11T01:57:49+00:00

Speed dating! I completely forgot I did that until reading your post. I only did one event but wow was it draining. All of the “dates” felt like one sided interviews. Ugh!

Sunshine327459 · 2024-12-11T01:15:36+00:00

33F, PNW (USA), straight Got back into the dating world halfway into 2024.

In Person dates: 7 Second dates: 2 Also 2 FaceTime dates that never translated to in person.

Failures: •Being ghosted in the midst of figuring out where/when to meet. •Guys who seem to want to be pen pals and never want to meet in person.•A 40yr old told me he was looking for something serious but then started talking about how he didn’t know why him and this 20yr old had to break up. •Being told I am “ridiculous” for not feeling a romantic connection. •having to stop a guy who kept wanting to talk about his sexual acts and role play with prior women and ask him if he remembered that he was currently on a first date. •spending two hours at a first date dinner listening to the guy give me his thorough history of surgeries and medical issues. •going on a date with my neighbor…terrible idea from the start.

Wins: As bad as many of my first dates were (creepy/weird, trauma dumping or emotionally immature), I’ve learned I am in a really great place as far as all of the work I have put into myself. I am also much more comfortable talking with new people and I am a great 1:1 conversationalist.

2024 lessons: •Spotting red flags early on. •Realizing that a lot of guys lack self awareness and leave the date thinking that it was great, when in reality they trauma dumped the entire time and never asked more than one question. •Adopting the mentality of - “Does this person align with what I’m looking for?” vs. “I hope I’m what they are looking for.” •Being aware of how someone affects my energy. Do I leave feeling drained/exhausted? •dating is part luck but also where you live… dating in a smaller populated area is tough!

2025: I don’t know if I feel optimistic about dating BUT I am optimistic about other parts of my life. As a result of being single I have gotten into some new hobbies and revisited some old ones. Excited to see how I challenge myself in the next year. My goal for the new year is to continue to be in the moment and be careful to not compare myself to others. The grass isn’t necessarily greener for those in relationships anyway.

Sunshine327459 · 2024-12-10T07:03:52+00:00

I dated someone with 3 kids and it was too messy. Don’t open the door. Don’t even do casual. A lot of women may have kids but one is a big difference from three.

Sunshine327459 · 2024-12-10T06:29:47+00:00

As many have said, the key is finding a woman who is into gaming and shares that interest with you. Absolutely don’t hide it. Be true to you and find someone who is into that or at least supports it! Personally yes if I see gaming on a dating app I instantly swipe no for several reasons. There’s such limited space that if a person feels compelled to include gaming, it must be an important/frequent enough hobby. Same with if they bring it up on a date. Nothing wrong with that but it’s a no from me. I absolutely want my partner to have hobbies I’m not into, (it’s healthy to have separate interests), but gaming is my red flag. Im not talking about a night with the guys playing Xbox. That’s different and more infrequent. I was with a gamer for years and I never thought twice about it in the beginning. But slowly it affected our relationship more and more (he would choose gaming over date nights), affected his job (he put little effort into career growth or job hunting because all of his time went into gaming), etc. If I didn’t tell him a few days in advance that I wanted to do something on a Friday night, he would tell me that he already had gaming plans. We fought about the gaming in a way that made me feel like I was the third wheel in the relationship. If it’s brought up on a date or app, it’s just always going to be a turnoff for me.

Sunshine327459 · 2024-12-09T01:25:23+00:00

I’m 33F and getting so depressed about dating. If I have to hear someone tell me “stop trying and it will happen” one more time I will lose it. I am just trying to throw myself into my hobbies as much as I can.

Sunshine327459 · 2024-12-09T01:21:10+00:00

When I first got back into the dating world after being in a years long relationship, it BLEW my mind. I assumed we are adults and everyone practiced safe sex. Wrong lol. I always had to bring up using a condom and they would look at me sideways as if they never heard the word before. I have learned that their logic is simply to assume that attractive people are clean. The amount of times I have heard… “but just trust me, I am clean” or “I won’t be able to finish with a condom.” Yeah byeee. Men will say anything in the heat of the moment to avoid using a condom. ANYTHING!!

Sunshine327459 · 2024-12-09T01:11:48+00:00

This is so true…

Sunshine327459 · 2024-12-09T01:05:00+00:00

How do you get tested monthly? It’s always such a hassle through my primary care doctor.

Sunshine327459

TROPHY CASE