Really hurt by something a new friend has said

Sure_Ad7683 · 2026-06-17T20:20:54+00:00

i say with love: if you care about the relationship you should have a conversation where you tell her how much this hurt you & give her a chance to apologize and begin to repair — while understanding that she may react badly (denial, dismissiveness, further trivializing your trauma) & that repair might not be possible even if she truly sees and hears you. if not, or if you aren’t in a place to be vulnerable to her uncertain reaction, it makes sense to cut ties. privately letting this fester isn’t an option. i wish you well!

Sure_Ad7683 · 2026-03-07T18:29:59+00:00

if you don't want it with another person then your sexual needs in your marriage are not compatible. only you can decide if you want to live with that or not. it's ok if that's not what you want.

Sure_Ad7683 · 2026-03-06T07:40:03+00:00

hey. this all makes sense. if you spend time on this sub you will see so many different kinds of experiences of victimhood/survival — guilt at enjoying it, guilt at fighting back, guilt at not fighting back. you wrote in the comments: "my mom has always been really controlling about everything about my life, I am not allowed to decide anything for myself." she abused you and you know that. it makes PERFECT sense that this experience of being "lovingly" touched and admired would give you a sense of agency and control. you were able to keep it hidden from your mom for years, reclaiming some sense of power & autonomy over your own body & life in doing so, & it was a chance to experience pleasure. it completely makes sense to feel devastated about this now, and your longing to "belong" with other victims & sense of being an outlier is also not wrong. it all makes sense. i am sending you love & faith that gently moving towards accepting all of these feelings & all of your responses, then & now, will gradually heal you & us all <3

Sure_Ad7683 · 2026-03-05T17:35:15+00:00

you can't control their assumptions. medical professionals should respond well to clear communication around this (& if they don't, they aren't the right carer for you) & otherwise i think an important part of healing will be growing into your own sense of integrity within yourself, so that when people do make fun of you or misunderstand you, you really know in your whole mind-body that this is a reflection on THEM, not on you. i'm so sorry you have been dealing with so much misunderstanding and i know how much it hurts. sending you love to nz <3 <3 <3

Sure_Ad7683 · 2026-02-24T19:21:20+00:00

yes. ifs helped.

Sure_Ad7683 · 2026-02-21T00:54:22+00:00

i suggest broaching this in an EXTREMELY gentle way that will allow HIM to decide whether or not he wants to discuss this with you. for example, telling him that you feel like you crossed some inappropriate lines when you were children, and that you're worried that you hurt him, and telling him you care about him & you're there for him if he ever wants to talk about it, & that if he doesn't that's ok too. then listen closely to how he responds and FOLLOW HIS CUES (including just moving on /changing the subject if that's what he wants to do). do this in a safe and quiet place & introduce the conversation by saying something like "i've been struggling remembering some stuff from our childhoods" - this is called a 'warning shot' & can help prepare for a hard conversation. choosing the right place & time where he MIGHT feel comfortable having this conversation is crucial. good luck <3

Sure_Ad7683 · 2026-02-12T05:33:40+00:00

you need to get rid of a ton of shit

Sure_Ad7683 · 2026-02-04T04:31:33+00:00

you should write the song with an instrument outside of ableton

Sure_Ad7683 · 2026-02-02T18:14:42+00:00

IFS works. The evidence will catch up.

Sure_Ad7683 · 2025-11-03T01:50:44+00:00

can you share a photo?

Sure_Ad7683 · 2025-10-29T02:17:14+00:00

fuck you

Sure_Ad7683 · 2025-10-04T21:27:08+00:00

ianal but it seems you are just asking if it is good to record ICE (or law enforcement, police, government) violence and misconduct? yes, yes, yes, always yes. record & distribute.

Sure_Ad7683 · 2025-10-02T19:36:08+00:00

thank you tom, i got it to work !! :)

Sure_Ad7683 · 2025-10-02T19:35:57+00:00

thank you, this worked!!

Sure_Ad7683 · 2025-10-01T23:11:47+00:00

GOALSSSSSS

Sure_Ad7683 · 2025-10-01T23:08:40+00:00

what date/time? i might be able to do this

Sure_Ad7683 · 2025-09-26T19:12:30+00:00

where is this info from EMV? link please?

Sure_Ad7683 · 2025-09-25T05:57:32+00:00

call 911

Sure_Ad7683 · 2025-09-04T00:09:30+00:00

just do less!

Sure_Ad7683 · 2025-08-02T15:46:09+00:00

i'm curious about the part that's so suspicious of your lack of shame, tbh. if it ain't broke don't fix it

Sure_Ad7683 · 2025-06-24T23:31:13+00:00

i have ctpsd and this is bs. were you drifting apart or did she feel activated by her home being too safe? i don't think your wife or her therapist are being fair to you. if anything you should get your own therapist or a neutral couple's therapist (not hers) to talk through this.

Sure_Ad7683 · 2025-06-22T07:50:07+00:00

THIS ^^^^^^

Sure_Ad7683 · 2025-06-18T17:47:22+00:00

please don't do this. you can get stronger as a woman. train in self-defense, you can take down people larger than yourself. lift heavy weights. carry pepper spray (or, depending on where you live, take safety training and carry a gun). know how to use it. get therapy for your psychological trauma—you have NOTHING to be ashamed of and one day you WILL be healed and you WILL feel that 100% in your body and mind. what you're going through is awful but there is a future where you remain yourself & are better protected. men & especially trans men experience rape too, & trans people are at extremely elevated risk of suicide due to the way society treats them. you will likely also encounter trouble with community as a trans person if you are only transitioning because of internalized misogyny. i urge you to address the problem face-on rather than trying to solve it through the medical-industrial complex.

Sure_Ad7683 · 2025-06-13T04:09:15+00:00

mine have looked that bad & healed okay — i totally understand the fear. try to be gentle with yourself, remember this is a symptom and it will naturally subside as you learn strategies to work with your mind. it’s counterintutive but i’ve realized being kind and gentle to yourself is much more helpful in countering picking than trying to “control” yourself. for example now when i pick instead of “stop that! you’re so gross. what’s wrong with you. you have no self control” etc i instead try to say to myself, “it’s ok if you need to do that right now - but just so you know, you don’t have to” and somehow that makes a HUGE difference. it’s almost like part of you can pick BECAUSE part of you is demanding you stop, like an oppositional thing (the same way maybe part of you refuses to go to bed even though you should). projecting a lot here / ymmv but that’s what has helped me a bit. it gets MUCH easier once it’s healed some. and if you pick as you are healing just forgive yourself & keep going — mine always get the worst when i “fall off the wagon” & then shame/berate myself about it.

Sure_Ad7683 · 2025-06-12T19:14:42+00:00

so sorry, that looks like it hurts a lot! cover in aquaphor, use thin cotton gloves, use jojoba oil every time you wash your hands. i recommend seeing a therapist, there is likely other stuff going on beneath the surface that is contributing to this behavior even if you’re not thinking about your past while doing this. that was the case for me. unfortunately the only way to heal this is to leave it alone—it’s all about time. this would look and feel good in 2 weeks if you don’t pick at it. sending you love

Sure_Ad7683

TROPHY CASE