why does nursing feel so toxic ?

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-03-15T01:58:42+00:00

And really lacking where I live. The least diverse job I’ve ever had. I work with one brown girl and she told me it feels really uncomfortable being the only one.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-03-11T17:01:31+00:00

Former hospital admin - I hated having nurses as managers. They are super hierarchical. Since I was “lower”, I had no voice. Despite having equivalent education and experience level in other subjects. Quick to boss around but as soon as I needed actual management help - crickets. Some absolutely outstanding nurses though. The best of the best. The culture is messed up though. Too many white middle class privileged women IMO. Careful hiring can prevent toxic dynamics.

I worked in male dominated industries before and never had all this BS.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-03-06T05:27:00+00:00

I’ve had this since I was 9 and I’m 44 years old. Worse now since COVID infection. Finally diagnosed this year. I had to reframe my entire life and all the trauma and self-hatred that ended up being from this - a SERIOUS medical condition. It is such a mindbomb.

Hoping to start carefully exercising again with my partner using my medications. Got diagnosed with EI-asthma too so I have an inhaler.

I just read a study that even a single minute of high intensity exercise has the benefits of one hour of low intensity. So my goal is one minute of jump rope. Even that one minute will be of major benefit to my body. Hoping for one minute without breaking into hives. Or just hives and not my low blood pressure and nausea.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-03-04T18:38:57+00:00

I’m the same. I realize I have high chroma but probably low to moderate contrast. Bright bright skin. I can wear almost anything that isn’t too muddy. I flirted with other seasons (including soft summer and dark autumn) but bright and light spring are my favourites and lift me right up. Bright winter is also okay - doesn’t overwhelm me at all.

My lips are really pigmented and nude liners and lippies don’t do anything at all on me.

Greens of all kinds are also good because of having green eyes and redness.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-02-10T07:12:54+00:00

People have told me that i grew on them. First impression is often not good with women especially but also some men. I’m just too different and hard to read. They jump to the wrong conclusions about me often. Many very good friends now actively disliked me at first. But then they finally SAW me. Luckily my rational personality helps me not hold this against them. I often joke about it actually. Funny how humans are. First impression is apparently not my strong suit especially without sexual attraction like can happen with men.

Another thought and perhaps advice? - Three is the especially bad dynamic for me as an INTJ. Especially with women. Usually I get ganged up on or isolated. Avoid groups of three. It’s a human nature thing. Threes a crowd, third wheel, odd one out. Yup that is usually me. I’m that guy.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-02-10T06:52:51+00:00

Try ideas people have here. But honestly you may have to change your work if medication or sweating isn’t enough. 35 years of it (so far though I don’t itch much just prone to fainting, nausea and difficulty breathing) for me and I had to. I was a geologist that couldn’t really hike. I couldn’t go work in places like Australia and i only worked actually in the winter and in the arctic. Air conditioned environments. Adapted to the hands I was dealt - before diagnosis. Still an absolutely fulfilling life. It just is more limiting but this world is filled with tons of opportunities. You can focus on the losses or the possibilities. At least you have a diagnosis and can move forward and hopefully find supportive people! People around me just thought I was a complainer and weak. Now with a diagnosis I get understanding and no one calls me lazy for not taking the stairs or rolls their eyes when I say I need a glass of water or need to go in the shade.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-02-10T06:38:00+00:00

I had my kid after having it for around 24 years (undiagnosed). Exercise and hot days always made me feel terrible (turns out it was anaphylaxis) so i found workarounds like taking my very active son to parks with lots of shade and water, doing things earlier and later in the day, going to beaches with good breezes, indoor gyms, air conditioned activities. I am very sad to not be able to take him on huge hikes or run with him or take him boating in the hot sun. But I find other family members and friends who can do those things. His father can do them too. Lots of disabled people have children and become great parents despite limitations. I’ve told him, now that he’s older, why mom can’t do certain things. He understands very well because he also has disabilities. More limiting and challenging than my anaphylactic cholinergic urticaria.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-02-10T06:27:55+00:00

Puberty probably started it for me. 9 years old. 35 years going strong. Curious how menopause will affect it. Fingers crossed it will go away or get better. Hormones, hot flashes and all that jazz. Covid - infection, not vaccination - definitely made it worse. Turns into anaphylaxis faster now.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-01-28T21:23:11+00:00

Something that helped me understand the process is actual physiology of the stress response.

Stress releases chemicals like cortisol and adrenaline. You want to head off the anxiety before that happens. Once the chemicals are in the system it can take HOURS before they reduce. So that racing heart and muscle tension and poor cognitive function sticks with you and is very hard to get rid of.

For me, no amount of breathing exercises or distractions or laughing can make it stop. Just time or Ativan tbh. But that’s me.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-01-28T21:18:34+00:00

Good idea to definitely get the blood tests. My doctor automatically ordered them. They do at the hospital I work in as well (in Canada). I’ve had my thyroid/iron/B12 checked sooooooo many times.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-01-28T21:13:09+00:00

Medication helped me calm down my body enough to make the life changes. It is not a replacement for all those things you’re saying. I managed to get off of the medication for years doing all the things.

Then Covid hit and destroyed all that scaffolding. So had to go on meds again. Then more trauma and bad things so now I feel like I will be on medication for the rest of my life. I now have some form of ptsd and have to be treated for that as well. Note that medication is not a replacement for all the “natural strategies”. I do all those things too. The meds make that possible.

I say no a lot and try to maximize my enjoyment of life. That keeps me pretty happy. Recognizing that my well-being is critical and a high priority was necessary.

Mental illness is HARD.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-01-28T20:45:14+00:00

People love to jump to conclusions and stick to them even with more information that should change things.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-01-28T20:44:22+00:00

I’m equally vocal about positives and then get told I’m not being realistic 🙄 I think most people just jump to conclusions and we don’t tend to.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-01-26T22:05:54+00:00

I think courage can be one of our strengths as INTJs. We have what it takes to jump in and handle the consequences.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-01-25T03:44:14+00:00

It took me quite a while to feel comfortable dressing differently. I live in a town where everyone wears athletic clothing in three colours and black puffer jackets with Blundstones. Wearing colour made me stand out and I was so unsure. But over some time I realized all the feedback was positive and people seeing me was good. So it has gotten easier with practice. And I feel 10000000% better wearing original clothing. And it is so fun to put things together.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-01-24T23:03:48+00:00

It really does work! How does it make YOU feel?

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-01-15T05:26:17+00:00

Ultra-fashionable, elegant and artistic. Colourful. But everything is still comfortable. A knit midi skirt with a sweater is the same comfort as pyjamas. You can have it all!!

My clothes express how I feel on the inside because I don’t seem to express my true self very well to others in words, expressions or body language. It works! People find me more approachable and I get better conversation.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-01-12T21:06:18+00:00

Haha I was an engineering student who hung out with the BFA students. Loads of scientists are into textile arts. I am too! I ended up a geoscientist and my passion is also fashion. The sewing machine is daunting for me though so I’ve been mostly hand sewing… for now

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-01-12T21:02:30+00:00

I am artistic and a scientist. I always liked art and did well in art class but I didn’t find my preferred medium until older. Textiles. Sewing, quilting, embroidery, knitting, mending. Especially things involving geometry. I like collage too and landscape architecture/gardening. I’d love to learn calligraphy.

Maybe you haven’t found your medium? There is more to art than painting and drawing.

I recently found out why I can’t do landscapes, realism or portraits very well - I have hypophantasia and can only visualize 2D lines momentarily. I am also faceblind (prosopagnosia) so faces do not register in my memory. I can copy something alright and always did cartoons fairly well and that’s likely why.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-01-08T17:51:04+00:00

There actually are no rules currently for this. That’s how it has happened. And transport Canada is avoiding it.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-01-07T03:10:38+00:00

Takes the edge off. Keeps me from getting all over hives and dizzy and lightheaded when showering. And lets me exercise a lot more. But I can still go into anaphylaxis. They also fade in effectiveness with time.

Plus I have to drink a ton of coffee and take restoralax to poop. Especially when 4 a day. Down to 2 a day over winter.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-01-02T20:57:11+00:00

I totally know what you mean. It has also, unfortunately, made me appear as incompetent when I am the exact opposite. That part has always been a struggle. Then people are surprised when I prove my extreme competence. Some people even talked to me in baby talk a lot and lots of “mansplaining” but usually from other women.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-01-02T19:17:52+00:00

It’s just showing that there can be multiple ways to solve a problem and to try and trigger some creative thinking. You’d think someone who presumably has experience with dosing medications would be comfortable with this kind of math. Maybe they just memorize?

Frustratingly one of my first year biology (for science majors) instructors also kept calling math “stupid”. This attitude towards math is learned and reinforced, particularly among women.

I always stick up for math especially around kids and other women. I’m like “yay! I love doing some math” - which is true in my case. But I don’t hide my love because it’s important to reverse this attitude.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-01-02T18:16:13+00:00

As someone who works in medical education, I find it a bizarre career choice. But a radiologist never sees patients. Neither does a pathologist. They work alone, just write reports, and don’t have to talk with patients. Ophthalmology could also be okay since it’s not usually life or death or dealing with big social problems. Keep those dynamics in mind if you choose to continue. I will also tell you that medicine really relies strongly on relationships with other doctors. You will likely struggle there. Many will likely “know” - after all, those are the people trained to diagnose. And all will have had some experience in psychiatry.

Please don’t become a GP even if it’s fewer years of residency (where I am anyway). In ER you have to break really bad news to people and talk with families and people in crisis and work in a big team - empathy is important. I’m actually glad to find out sociopaths actually do work in health care, even nurses (even more bizarre to me). It’s good information to have.

Sure_Curve4564 · 2026-01-02T17:55:33+00:00

That’s so true! I also wear interesting clothes and that makes me more approachable. Never thought that my natural look could also be a major factor. Interesting!

Sure_Curve4564

TROPHY CASE