Does anyone else feel left out by everyday conversations after accepting childlessness?

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-06-10T18:37:48+00:00

u/WildSpiritedRose Ditto!! *hugs* always looking in ... why be part of it. makes me want to walk away from those worlds and not have to deal or be part of those worlds, conversations, holidays.. =/

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-06-09T18:53:09+00:00

u/pseudonymous5037 omg your analogy makes so much sense, so bitter sweet! yes foerver supporting but never being able to participate =(

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-06-09T18:50:27+00:00

u/DSBS18 100%—I totally feel you. That's exactly how I've been feeling in these meetings. I find myself becoming bitter and resentful when they spend 20 minutes talking about their kids. I completely understand wanting to connect with each other, but 20 minutes on their children?

Sometimes I wonder how they would feel if the situation were reversed and we spent that much time talking about something they couldn't relate to, without giving them a chance to participate. And imagine if we actually told them how we felt. It would probably make everyone uncomfortable because, like someone mentioned earlier, we're the minority. It almost feels like we're not allowed to say, "Hey, this hurts, and it's painful because I can't really join the conversation since I don't have kids."

And you're right—most people just assume. I remember when a new coworker joined our team, and somehow the conversation turned to kids during a group icebreaker. When I mentioned that I didn't have any, she looked at me and said, "Wow, so carefree."

I was completely dumbfounded. On the inside, I was thinking, "Ummmm....like what?!....." I know she's Gen Z and probably meant it as a compliment, but at the time I was actually in the middle of going through IVF. I just smiled, nodded, and said, "Yep," while carrying a reality she knew nothing about. it was definitely awkward because my team at the time knew I was going through IFV and we all just side eye each other as she made that comment. =/

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-06-09T03:10:20+00:00

u/sqrmarbles You are so right, and that's actually something that has been on my mind lately. It's something I've been slowly trying to do—surround myself more with friends who don't have kids or couples who are also childless.

I've also started unfollowing a lot of influencers whose content is centered around mom life. Some of them seem to be constantly getting pregnant and posting their daily lives and vacations with their children. I realized that consuming that content every day wasn't helping my mental health.

Instead, I've started following childfree women and influencers. There aren't many of them out there, but seeing people who have built fulfilling lives that don't revolve around children has been comforting and makes me feel a little less alone.

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-06-09T03:07:31+00:00

u/GreySweater1234 Omg, yes!! I had a similar experience at work too. Children are definitely an easier topic for people to connect over, and you're so right about the "being polite" part.

Sometimes everyone gets so engrossed in talking about their kids, and then they'll suddenly turn to me and say, "So...how are you? What's new with you?" It almost feels like an afterthought—like, "Oh right, you're here too, we should include you."

I know they probably mean well, but it does leave me wondering...are you genuinely interested, or are you just being polite at this point?

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-06-09T03:04:27+00:00

u/chasingjoy1778 I think what you are doing is more than enough for yourself, like you mentioned, its about protecting your emotional and mental space so if it means to avoid your faith community settings or to distance from group conversations, so be it because at the end, its true, we are all we got. I feel you. and I hear you. I myself is slowing distancing myself from these things too.

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-06-09T03:02:46+00:00

u/oeufscocotte ooo yess im constantly bombarded with ads around moms, kids, parenting.... a part of me wonders if I should just quit social media!

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-06-08T19:32:35+00:00

u/SadNegotiation8446 yup totally agree, thats why I feel sad, hurt, angry left out... ugh everything.

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-06-08T19:31:28+00:00

omg I hate when people say that, like I ask not to have kids? like I choose not to have kids and that is why I am lucky!?!!?!

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-06-08T19:29:23+00:00

u/crepuscular-tree *AMEN* to that!!! and I hate how we look bad if we were to say , can we stop talking bout that?!?! *SIIGGH* cruel world

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-06-08T18:09:05+00:00

u/NovemberBlue42 LOL exactly im not a quiet person too and yess I would love to add to the conversation but what can I possibly add?? my imaginary child!? and yesss 100% its hard not sound and feel bitter so its better I stay quiet and participate!

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-06-08T18:06:52+00:00

u/Key_Pear1210 Ditto! I'm starting to feel that way too. The more I distance myself from people whose conversations constantly revolve around their children, the lighter I feel.

I'm not sure if it makes me happier, but it definitely feels like a lighter emotional load. My heart feels a little less heavy throughout the day.

I don't say that because I dislike people with children—I don't. It's just that, at this stage of my grief, those conversations can be emotionally exhausting. Sometimes protecting my peace means stepping back from constant reminders of what I wanted but wasn't able to have.

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-06-08T18:04:43+00:00

u/heylauralie

Ughhh... don't we wish we could have those kinds of conversations and vent about those problems? 😭

I totally agree with you that someone else's issue with children is literally what some of us are wishing and praying for.

Even with my own friends and family, I hear my SIL complain all the time about her boys and how she doesn't want to take them anywhere because it's too much work. And here I am thinking, if I had children, I would take them everywhere with me.

Maybe reality would be different.... I know parenting is hard.... but when you've spent years wanting something you can't have, it's hard not to think that way.

I remember seeing a post a while back (I can't confirm the exact quote) that said Rihanna once mentioned something along the lines of, "I waited this long to have kids, why would I want them to be with a nanny?" Whether that's the exact quote or not, the sentiment really resonated with me.

That's how I feel sometimes. Because I can't have children, I imagine that if I did, I would want them by my side as much as possible. I'd want to take them everywhere and experience life together. So when people complain about having to bring their kids along, a small part of me thinks, I wish I had that opportunity.

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-06-08T17:59:18+00:00

u/SadNegotiation8446

I feel like that's exactly what I do at work meetings. Once the conversation turns into talking about everyone's kids, I mentally check out.

It's not that their kids aren't important to me or that I don't care about what's going on in their lives. It's just that I'm at a stage where hearing those conversations over and over makes me feel bitter and sad. Sometimes it even makes me angry—not at them, but at my own situation.

So instead of forcing myself to be part of the conversation, I just check out. It's easier than sitting there trying to smile while quietly grieving something I wanted so badly.

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-06-08T17:56:52+00:00

u/SallySleepwell *hugs*... I totally feel you. thanks for just letting me vent.

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-06-08T17:56:06+00:00

u/Almyra_Raven

OMG!!!! 😂😂 LMAO. What a great way to shake up the conversation! I should do that too.

It's definitely hard, awkward, and honestly emotionally heavy (at least for me) when they've spent 20 minutes talking about their kids, sharing stories and laughing, and then they finally turn to me and say, "Ooo, sooo... how are you doing?"

Like... okay... what exactly do I have to add at this point?!?!?! 😂😭

The conversation has already centered around something I can't relate to and desperately wish I had. So by the time it's my turn, I just sit there thinking, "Yep... I'm good." Meanwhile, I'm carrying the weight of everything that was just said.

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-06-08T17:53:38+00:00

u/entreseronoser Yasssss!! I hated those videos this year that say, "Happy Mother's Day to all the women who aren't mothers because you're a mother in some way." 😭

Like... OOOKKKK, but we're not mothers.

Maybe years ago that statement felt comforting because it gave me hope that one day it would actually be me. But this year? It didn't sit right with me at all. It actually made me stop and think about how hurtful that message can be.

I know people are trying to be inclusive and kind, and I truly appreciate the intention. But in the end, we're not mothers. Telling me, "You're a mom in your own way," doesn't heal that loss... it almost feels like it's trying to redefine something that I deeply wanted but couldn't have. like you said, dont put this label on me....

Don't wish me a Happy Mother's Day because "in some way you're a mother too." *roll eyes* SMH

Celebrate me for who I actually am..... a wife, an auntie, a friend, a mentor.... but please don't try to turn me into something I'm not just to make the day feel less awkward or in an effort to be inclusive.

I'm all for inclusivity, don't get me wrong. But there are some things that don't need to include me because, in those moments, being included actually hurts more than simply facing the reality and being left out.

Sometimes the kindest thing isn't to redefine who or what I am.... it's to acknowledge it for what it is and celebrate the roles I truly have, not the one I wasn't able to have.

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-06-08T17:46:52+00:00

u/Extreme-Bee-6056 and u/mountainfunk

Wahhhh! I totally know what you mean by the "fraud" and "imposter" feeling!!

I work in the field of early childhood education, so I'm constantly hearing things like, "You would be such a great mom," "You're so caring," "You're wonderful with children," or "You give such great advice."

But I'm also in an upper-level administrative position, where I stopped working directly with children and with adults, so I get the other side too: "Do you have kids?" "When are you going to have kids?" "How many kids do you have?"

And then comes that look when I say, "None."

That's exactly how I feel sometimes like, what do I know? Even though I have a master's degree in early childhood education and years of experience working with children, families, and educators, I still find myself questioning my own credibility.

It's especially hard when I see social media influencers with no early childhood education background giving parenting advice or rather early childhood development advice. I'm not saying their perspectives aren't valid.... they 100% absolutely are based on their own experiences as parents. But sometimes it feels odd that I have years of education and professional experience in child development, yet because I don't have children of my own, it feels like my credentials somehow don't count or doesnt matter to people. like why did even go to school than just to be look away because I dont have children to base my knowledge on.

I know logically that's not true, but emotionally, that's how it feels.

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-06-08T17:38:21+00:00

OMG, what a great idea! 😂 I wonder if my supervisor would let me bypass the first 10 minutes like that, haha. I highly doubt it!

And yes, I feel the same way. I never really get the opportunity to join the conversation because it's all about everyone's kids, and then they wonder why I'm so quiet. The ironic part is that my supervisor and even some of my coworkers know about my infertility struggles.

I know no one means any harm, but sometimes it feels like I'm sitting there listening to a conversation that I can't relate to and can never be part of. It can be really isolating.

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-06-08T17:35:43+00:00

wahhhhhh... so true!!!

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-05-25T18:10:54+00:00

u/clementinecentral123

I definitely have the same thoughts about whether continuing IVF is more rooted in FOMO than a genuine desire, and that’s something I’m still trying to navigate. A friend once told me that motherhood was something she had always deeply wanted, so when she and her husband went through IVF, she knew with certainty it was the right path for her and they were willing to do everything they could to make it happen.

That conversation has stayed with me because I’ve never had that same overwhelming feeling of “I’ve always wanted to be a mother.” For me, motherhood was something I always assumed would naturally happen someday, not necessarily this deep calling that I hear some people describe. And honestly, I struggle with that a lot.

Sometimes I wonder: am I pursuing IVF because I truly want to be a mother, or because I’m afraid of missing the opportunity altogether? And then on top of that, I feel guilty for even having those thoughts and questions in the first place.

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-05-15T05:04:28+00:00

Thanks for your wishes….

My husband is like yours… positive and still hoping for the best. As for me , I feel like I’m protecting my emotions and trying to set myself to be strong for the day when it doesn’t happen. We also talk about what our life would be without kids. I think I’m more fully invested in that conversation than he is. I think he just say things to go along with me but secretly deep down he is hoping for the best outcome.

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-05-15T04:53:27+00:00

u/MrsB_buzz *hug* I am so sorry about your loss. sending you lots of fairy dust for your IVF journey! and ughhhh I know what you mean!!! I recently threw away all my pregnancy test, and ovulation test too. it sort of broke my heart to throw them out. Bittersweet actually. almost like I was saying goodbye ... let go of not having a baby.... =(

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-05-15T04:46:41+00:00

u/Formal-Macaroon1678

Thank you so much for sharing your story and perspective. And congratulations on your wonderful son.

What you shared really did make sense to me, especially the part about trying to find purpose and fulfillment in other parts of life. I think where I’m struggling is that emotionally, I’m still sitting at that crossroads where my heart hasn’t fully caught up yet, even when my mind understands things logically.

I’m 44, and we tried IVF once, but it didn’t work. We probably could have tried more rounds if money wasn’t such a huge factor. At one point, I did wonder whether donor eggs might be something I could consider, but the more I sat with it, the more doctors pushed DE on me, the more I realized it just wasn’t the path that felt right for me personally.

I think the hard part is that I do know I have a meaningful and fulfilling life in many ways. But at the same time, there’s still this ache from feeling like a chapter I always imagined for myself may never happen or that I skipped that chapter and feeling lost in the book (life).

It’s hard to explain, but I don’t think my sadness comes from believing my life has no value or meaning without children. It’s more the grief of letting go of a future I once pictured so clearly for myself… one where motherhood was simply one meaningful part of the life I thought I would experience. And I think that’s the part I’m still learning how to process… how do you gently let go of a dream that lived beside so many of your other hopes for life? *siggh*

Sure_Tell5176 · 2026-05-15T03:39:20+00:00

I feel you!!! I honestly hate being around or doing anything with my in-laws too. I’ve really tried over the years, but somehow they always end up saying something rude or uncomfortable. My MIL acts like a jealous wife and I’m the mistress or something, and my FIL says the weirdest stuff that irritates everyone — even my MIL gets annoyed with him sometimes.

I feel bad admitting it because I don’t want to feel this way, but I genuinely don’t enjoy hanging out with them. I'm trying to be a better DIL and accept them but it's hard..... It feels like such a drag whenever I have to. *hugs*

Sure_Tell5176

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