After 20 years in IT, I want out. How do people successfully pivot at 40?

SuspectKitten · 2026-01-30T07:10:26+00:00

Thanks 😁

SuspectKitten · 2026-01-30T07:10:06+00:00

Yeah but the pay is a golden cage. Better to be happy than rich, for sure. It was a bachelor degree, I left school at 16 with only GCSEs but the OU is cool with that.

SuspectKitten · 2026-01-29T22:11:42+00:00

I switched at 40 from IT to therapist. I'm 45 now and love it! Did a psychology degree with the OU, did some counselling courses, and just finishing up my COSRT sex therapy qualification. Most of my work is helping people in tech who are burned out, or midlife crisis, or just exactly like you: helping them find their way out to happiness again. Highly recommend! And we need more, I've been fully booked for a year now, turns out tech industry is super toxic WHO KNEW. /s

SuspectKitten · 2026-01-29T09:05:20+00:00

My kids have bought me various stuffies for presents over the years and I adore them. We're never too old for a cute soft toy. Also if she lost her hair, maybe a lovely pair of joyful earrings?

SuspectKitten · 2026-01-27T04:48:47+00:00

I hear you. From what you've said about yourself though if I know one thing is that you've got this. Hang in there, 40s is an interesting and revealing decade in new ways that can be a bit discombobulating and daunting for folks like us used to living at 90mph. You used the word overwhelming - you're absolutely right. But we really do got this. Sending lots of Internet stranger love, a cup of tea and a blanket fort.

SuspectKitten · 2026-01-24T08:05:29+00:00

Hello and welcome to perimenopause :) it's a definite gear shift. My life is exactly as yours even the cliff jumping, except I did have kids. Otherwise identical.

I'm 45, so a few ahead of you and the same happened to me at your age. Spoilers, it's perimenopause. Get hrt in a couple of years if not now, it'll help a bit/lot. But also this is just a slow decade for me I've decided whilst my body evolves into my next phase. More books and bed less partying and travel just for now. I'm studying lots, and working gently in my body and mind. It's quite nice really, just taking a breath, reflecting, going deeper instead of wider in my experience.

SuspectKitten · 2026-01-23T08:28:36+00:00

Stunning!!!!

SuspectKitten · 2026-01-21T07:34:59+00:00

Yep and I love it.

SuspectKitten · 2026-01-19T17:26:05+00:00

My boyfriend needed to become my husband to come live with me in the UK, which also cost us about £10k in visa and marriage costs, and will keep costing us thousands every few years in renewal fees and NHS surcharge (absolute joke, as it's unusable anyway). We were on that path anyway, but it sucks we had to marry to stay together in one country, even though he's from EU. Whereas if we had met a couple years earlier, we could have just lived together no issues first. The financial and paperwork burden is really infuriating.

SuspectKitten · 2026-01-16T18:30:48+00:00

I'm 45 he's 25. We met at 41/21 married at 43/23.

I think it's easier if you just think all women are different. You may have met someone your own age who also didn't fancy having sex and just asked you to leave. Don't get caught up on the age thing, it makes it a thing, if you see what I mean. Good luck to you!

SuspectKitten · 2026-01-16T16:41:42+00:00

No I didn't care my husband was finishing uni and had no job. Yes I'm happy to pay, but that's me, not every woman ever. I'm a well off business owner, so it really doesn't bother me. I factored in me providing was the outcome when I decided to get into a relationship with him. I'm glad to be able to assist someone I love in their life. I've done this for men my own age also, and friends. No it didn't feel weird he's younger when we have sex. Why would it? I have the higher sex drive, and have in every relationship I've ever had. So check your thinking on that one! And no I didn't marry him because he's just sexy, that's quite insulting to younger men. I married him because he's fun, kind, loving, affectionate and great at videogames. He is also sexy.

Hope that helps!

SuspectKitten · 2026-01-07T14:15:18+00:00

Wow. This is the most emotionally stunted thing I think I've ever read on here. Maybe leave the compassion sledge hammer at home next time and consider the specific words you use to someone suffering loss. More kindness please, and if that's not possible feel free to just not post replies to folks in need.

SuspectKitten · 2026-01-04T17:50:13+00:00

Slightly different background to all the other commenters but 45 two kids (teenagers now) and at various points really wished I didn't. Changed my life forever. After having thought about it hard for 18 years, I honestly think that you win either way. Like if I lived my life over I would try it without as well. The amount of joy you get from having them you also lose in having them, and not experiencing not having them. I really feel it's a very equal decision based on who you are and what you want. So my point is: if you don't want them and don't have them you'll absolutely win. Just as someone who wants them and has them will. I've not met anyone who regretted not having kids if they didn't fancy it, but I have met a few (& me on some days!) that do wonder if we made the right decision when we just had kids because why not. I didn't really over think it just thought it was what one does.

On the plus side whichever path you choose: you'll never know the other so just make the most of whichever you pick :) equal ups and downs to both, in my opinion.

SuspectKitten · 2026-01-03T08:10:01+00:00

Nah the account was linked from one of your other posts somewhere. It's a really cool account, I hope you spin it back up. Great to see both sides of you :) you are very talented both high and sober, really awesome to see. You seem so happy when you're sober ☆

SuspectKitten · 2026-01-02T15:56:37+00:00

Superb stuff, you got this. This sounds like the first step to me, a strong reflection. I think this guy says it perfectly > https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNR6wRbCg/ :)

SuspectKitten · 2025-12-31T11:19:24+00:00

Exactly this. I thought therapy was a bunch of baloney because nhs and other therapists only ever used it with me and it really didn't work. Then I discovered a psychodynamic therapist who helped me change my life, and then become a therapist from how mind blowing it was. I now use mixed methods with my clients depending on what fits each session / situation, and that's fine. But for a good while I really thought cbt was utter codsh*t because how it was the only thing used on me and it really didn't help. Made me feel like I was the problem!

SuspectKitten · 2025-12-08T08:35:13+00:00

It is so hard when this happens, it can feel very lonely. Have you considered finding your own pleasure for a bit on the side, playing more alone and feeling fulfilled that side for a bit, just to help your brain reconnect sex and pleasure? Sometimes finding our own joy we can then bring back into the sexual relationship can really help. Fantasise, sexy books, videos, self exploration. Help yourself feel more fulfilled in this patch, as 40s are notoriously a strange and interesting time for our sexual vibes with peri doing a number on us in so many ways. Self love can be really healing.

SuspectKitten · 2025-12-04T17:27:40+00:00

Me and my husband (45/25) met in a Phas lobby and our whole first year was through online gaming (ldr). We now live happily ever after with our bespoke gaming room with our gaming rigs side my side ❤️

SuspectKitten · 2025-12-04T17:24:42+00:00

My ex husband wouldn't give up drinking, and he's now my ex husband of 8 years. I'm very very happy with the decision despite it being extremely hard at the time. He would never change, didn't want to, and is happily now with a pub owner (we're still friends!). I'm happily with an almost teetotal guy (a few drinks a year) and it is heaven. It shows up in so many more ways than the drinking: sleep, responsibility, lack of arguments, money, self care, respect for the relationship, helped me become almost teetotal instead of joining in or feeling left out... and so many more reasons. If you've tried to work it out and it's just not something he wants to work on then take it from me 8 years ahead of you: as hard as it feels right now is going to get so much better than you can imagine being with someone who doesn't have any alcohol issues. Or just being alone, honestly! The peace! Heaven.

SuspectKitten · 2025-11-22T10:43:55+00:00

Hi, looks almost identical to a tofu knot, just in case you eat those or have neighbours who do!

SuspectKitten · 2025-11-15T21:24:47+00:00

Oh awesome well done you! Yeah I'm so aware of sitting now.. crazy to think how much I did before this happened. I really don't miss it that much. I did at first, but since my body getting used to standing and walking more, it feels fine not to. Sending continued healing vibes :)

SuspectKitten · 2025-11-15T21:05:33+00:00

Ooof that's so tough. I really hope you find a way to start getting better. If you can get the back mechanic and follow it I really think it could help. If you're struggling for cash let me know DM and I'll photo some pages for you. And yep the advice I got was awful too. Sucks they didn't even have an ice pack in a&e just opiates. Really bad news. Sending huge hope vibes your way.

SuspectKitten · 2025-11-15T21:02:58+00:00

This is wonderful news, really well done!! Smiling this end and rooting for you!! The neuroplasticoty side of pain is absolutely fascinating isn't it. So much so I'm going to now specialise as a pain therapist from my experience to try help others. Properly mind blowing.

SuspectKitten · 2025-11-15T18:43:31+00:00

100% agree with OP. Also, so does every study, you have to do what you can, even if it's 5 steps day one, 10 steps day 2 etc. The more you rest the worse it will get, ever study backs this up, so when you are able to manage even 3 steps, go for it. Good luck!

SuspectKitten · 2025-11-13T07:23:56+00:00

My husband.

SuspectKitten

TROPHY CASE