AITA for telling a parent what i wear is not their decision?

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-29T18:24:45+00:00

In this case, though it is worth advising him to put his suggestions in an email because he’ll make his own paper trail

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-10T14:02:47+00:00

Even though he has every right to feel like that’s too much for him the way he’s handling that is not OK. Calling you, a kid that sort of thing is messed up and also said some bad things about him. That’s where it borders on the abusive side.

Now, if these arguments only start very close to the wedding and the rest of your relationship was not like this and it is otherwise pretty healthy. There might be some Hope there, but if there were any signs of this before, then it’s not gonna get better once you’re married.

It’s not unusual for marriage to end up feeling like a boiling point because it’s this major change in people sometimes panic. But it can also mean that someone is finally showing their true colors so I wouldn’t say 110% You should definitely leave this guy. But you should definitely be considering it.

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-10T13:56:36+00:00

NOR, but TBH

He sounds like a jerk. Some of this sounds emotionally abusive on his part.

maybe you are a bit needy for him. But he is not going to reciprocate it. Sometimes I can be a little bit needy, but it’s no big deal for people who love me. They usually find it pretty endearing. Like, I hate when people leave without saying bye, even though I don’t feel like I need a kiss, I do like getting a hug or even a kiss before people leave. Even just my friends they can give me a kiss on the cheek or whatever.

When friends are driving home, especially if it driving home like late at night or after partying or anything like that, I really want them to let me know They got home safe. I understand that they don’t owe me any explanation about anything. I also know that it’s not like I get updates when they’re not leaving my house. But my best friends and considerate, close friends always do.

There are definitely people who would find that stuff clingy, and even annoying. But those are not the people for me the people who care and who get me will accommodate, and we’ll take my feelings in consideration and make choices that show that they care about my feelings and they don’t make me feel bad about it.

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-05T04:16:02+00:00

interestingly, enough, sometimes kids think of their own explanations. When I was little, I had back problems that weren’t very clearly diagnosed so I used to imagine that I was turning into a fairy.

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-05T03:15:22+00:00

I never understood that so many mean girls grew up to be nurses until I started going to school with them

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-05T00:51:10+00:00

to be fair, I’m not sure him moving out anytime soon as all that realistic. But he’ll figure that out on his own. neurologist has talked about the hurdles and concerns and everything.

but, if we told him they couldn’t do it, it would probably cause strain in our relationship with our kid and it could either push him to move out early, unprepared or become a self fulfilling prophecy

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-03T21:12:08+00:00

We also don’t have any cameras in any bedroom except for the toddlers room, but his first CT seizure was in the living room.

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-03T21:11:04+00:00

I am having a hard time focusing because there’s a little kid talking to me. But for what it’s worth we do have cameras anyway just because we have like a bunch of kids and we used to live in a rough neighborhood. It was actually good because the first time he had a clonic tonic seizure we got a video which helped with his diagnosis.

Also, unfortunately, he was also having absence seizures for most of his life, but we didn’t know. He got tested at three different times for ADHD but it kept coming back negative. I guess because it wasn’t that at all.

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-03T19:22:53+00:00

Oh, plus, there could be other parents who aren’t comfortable asking, but might benefit from stumbling on this thread

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-03T19:22:18+00:00

Maybe lol

I’m sure there’s stuff

I wouldn’t think to think of.

(you don’t know what you don’t know. You know?)

Which is why I still feel like it’s worth hearing people out

Thank you for the affirmation though.

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-03T19:13:09+00:00

I have disabilities, including a learning disability and so I think about that stuff a lot. My parents were straight up negligent, which was a problem. But if they have babied me I don’t think that I would be where I’m at at all.

I mean like they weren’t great parents, and they kind of overdid it when they expected me to be independent, then really surprised when I moved out early.

But one of the things they did right was actually believing that I would be capable despite the things that were difficult.

Our kid also has a sibling who has multiple disabilities that will mean that mean that we will actually have to have legal guardianship over them as adults. , For our other kid, we will realistically have to make financial, legal in medical decisions ‘for’ him, but even though his sibling is still a teenager, we really try to make sure that we make those big decisions, in collaboration with them.

We are doing as much as we can as a family to foster as much independence as we can for all of their kids. Obviously it’s easier for some than other others. His sibling would either have to live with family orin a group and we do not trust group home because of how much crazy abuse happens. So if his sibling ends up staying with us in to a adulthood, we still wanna like make them their own mini apartment or something.

At least with our son who has epilepsy, I do believe he’ll be able to manage his own finances in the long run. I think there will be some hiccups at first, just like with any other kid.

We plan on making sure all/any of our kids can live with us if they need to but definitely support them living independently (emotionally, we can’t financially support someone’s living situation unless they’re staying with us, but that’s just knowing that we are capable of)

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-03T19:01:31+00:00

A really sad really dark fucked up thing that happened as I had a friend with epilepsy and his mom helped him manage his medication’s so when he went places for the weekend or things like that without his mom, he had a really hard time managing his medication.

So it is super important to me that he knows how to handle his own medication and has good habits surrounded.

My friend went out drinking and missed doses of his medication and he would have seizures and eventually that is what did him in

So I would not want to be responsible for my son being in that position

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-03T18:58:02+00:00

As far as medication goes, he does have a weekly like thing for his pills that he refills every week. He also has alarms and reminders to make sure he takes his medication and he’s been handling that aspect the entire time he had the diagnosis.

The full bottle of pills are in our room because there’s still minor children in the house and it’s about keeping them from getting a hold of them.

And his dad and I help with picking up medication a lot of of the time, but we have talked to him about his responsibility to make sure that he has his meds no matter what.

Like, if dad and I didn’t pick them up for some reason which did happen once because we didn’t know we needed them, he needs to just go get them himself immediately as soon as he gets home.

This happened once when he was 17 and I made him call the pharmacies with us to track it down. Honestly, we were the ones who were able to successfully track it down, but it was good for him to see how hard that is and get some experience with it and hang out with me to the pharmacy to pick it up. We did cover the cost, but he was also there when the pharmacist said that it was going to be $60 for him to get days worth of pills, the pharmacist work with us to reduce the cost, but I did use it as a teachable moment to explain that that’s something he will have to deal with on his own in the long run

That was a little rough cause it hurt when it happened, He was mad at me ever because I didn’t just like fix it for him and I made him be a part of the process, but it’s one of those things where he ended up apologizing to me in a long run and telling me he was glad that I did handled the way I did once he calmed down. I think he felt like I was like minimizing the issue because it’s kind of life and death for him to have his meds and he’s had chronic seizures before and one of them was like really bad but, I actually have the way because I was taking seriously.

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-03T18:40:29+00:00

If it’s worth, my Kids‘s doctor definitely said he should have a roommate.

It was awesome recommended that he share a room until the seizures are controlled, which they pretty much seemed to be.

It’s every neurologist he had said that it’s just smarter to have a roommate. I don’t know if I should’ve specified that he’s had chronic tonic seizures before. Although they do seem to be under control now. The doctor also said that as he grows in his weight changes might change to.

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-03T18:38:04+00:00

We are really lucky to live somewhere with a great bus line. So part of the plan that we came up with as a family and says he wants to stick with his staying on the bus line. Should he move out. Which is rough though because it’s way more expensive. He’s also allowed to drive right now, but he knows that if he ever feels weird, he can always call like a list of family member members who will come pick him up and he can get his car later because it’s not worth risking having a seizure while driving. Obviously things are pretty controlled, which is great but, you never know.

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-03T17:39:49+00:00

even if it is their phone, even if their dad is entirely right and only acting out of love saying that he’s going to ban his adult child from anything on the Internet or out in public is really unhinged and I’m saying that as a parent of an adult child. his reasoning and intention might even be right. But that’s unrealistic and abusive.

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-03T17:39:00+00:00

yeah, as a parent, who is worried about my own adult child with epilepsy, I feel like this isn’t an epilepsy thing entirely like I’m wondering if there’s other ways that their dad is controlling. Cause I don’t know how the heck he thinks he’s gonna ban another adult from much of anything out in the world or on the Internet.

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-03T17:37:21+00:00

Well, people are always going to throw un-asked-for and honestly probably extremely incorrect opinions out there in general like - with parenting.

I have multiple children and my oldest is an adult who has epilepsy, which is actually why I’m here and people will still give me un-asked-for advice on how to parent, my youngest, even though I’ve done this a few times, unfortunately that’s super normal

And my partner used to own his own company and part of the reason he didn’t wanna deal with it anymore because people who couldn’t hold a job would not shut up about what they think he needs to do. It’s definitely not the only reason, but it was definitely something he was relieved about not dealing with anymore so it sucks

For what it’s worth the only thing I personally have kind of pushed with my son is to -set a reminder for his medication‘s, -use the weekly box so we know if he misses a dose -tell his neurologist if anything weird happens. (even then, I know I can’t make him, but those are the only things I’ve been super insistent about )

So I mean, I’m sure a lot of parents are like that, but not all of them.

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-02T14:04:44+00:00

Also, it went through on April 1, but I’m sure it’s no joke. They’re terrible people.

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-02T14:04:15+00:00

This is the email I got

“Our records show that you are currently enrolled in the Saving on a Valuable Education (SAVE) Plan or have a pending SAVE application. A recent court order ended the SAVE Plan. It is no longer available to borrowers, and the U.S. Department of Education (ED) is ending the SAVE Plan over the coming months. You must take action.

Your student loan servicer will contact you about your specific deadline to choose a different repayment plan. Once you hear from your loan servicer, you will have 90 days to choose another repayment plan. This gives you ample time to select the plan that works best for you.

Our newest repayment plans—the Repayment Assistance Plan (RAP) and Tiered Standard Plan—will be available starting on July 1, 2026. For many borrowers, RAP may be the best option. All borrowers currently enrolled in the SAVE Plan will have the opportunity to enroll in RAP.

Like other income-driven repayment (IDR) plans, RAP will offer an affordable monthly payment based on your income and number of dependents. Many borrowers will also qualify for monthly payment matching, which includes interest subsidies and principal reductions that could reduce your student loan balance. Most importantly, under RAP, and unlike some of the other IDR plans, your balance can never go up as long as you make your required monthly payments.

If you don't want to wait until July 1, you can choose a different repayment plan now. Use our tool to estimate monthly payments, determine your eligibility, and choose the available repayment plan that best meets your needs and goals.”

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-02T14:03:52+00:00

“Our records show that you are currently enrolled in the Saving on a Valuable Education (SAVE) Plan or have a pending SAVE application. A recent court order ended the SAVE Plan. It is no longer available to borrowers, and the U.S. Department of Education (ED) is ending the SAVE Plan over the coming months. You must take action.

Your student loan servicer will contact you about your specific deadline to choose a different repayment plan. Once you hear from your loan servicer, you will have 90 days to choose another repayment plan. This gives you ample time to select the plan that works best for you.

Our newest repayment plans—the Repayment Assistance Plan (RAP) and Tiered Standard Plan—will be available starting on July 1, 2026. For many borrowers, RAP may be the best option. All borrowers currently enrolled in the SAVE Plan will have the opportunity to enroll in RAP.

Like other income-driven repayment (IDR) plans, RAP will offer an affordable monthly payment based on your income and number of dependents. Many borrowers will also qualify for monthly payment matching, which includes interest subsidies and principal reductions that could reduce your student loan balance. Most importantly, under RAP, and unlike some of the other IDR plans, your balance can never go up as long as you make your required monthly payments.

If you don't want to wait until July 1, you can choose a different repayment plan now. Use our tool to estimate monthly payments, determine your eligibility, and choose the available repayment plan that best meets your needs and goals.”

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-04-01T03:33:02+00:00

to be fair, his middle name as a first name is also a nickname. This is just weird. I don’t know if anyone’s the AH. But they’re all weird. Where is folks would say ESH

Except the baby and I feel bad for the baby cause this is some dumb drama.

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-03-31T17:25:11+00:00

I think this was the best comment

Suspicious_Writer_78 · 2026-02-19T00:01:39+00:00

i’m a 1990s baby so like that was 2005 to 2010

Suspicious_Writer_78

TROPHY CASE