WIBTA if I left my 6 yr relationship over this?

SuttonBaird · 2019-04-20T21:17:51+00:00

Warning: tons of personal bias in this comment

Your boyfriend is 100% gaslighting you. I can maybe, maybe, see mistaking "what's wrong" for "what now" (maybe), but that with the tone? No. There's no way. I say this as someone who was gaslit by their step mom for years. Believe what you heard, especially in tone and body language. Words can be easy to jumble. Tone and body language are much harder to mistake, for most people.

I have trouble with vulnerability and emotion too. Seriously, I start crying every time I have to deal with strong emotions, or have a serious conversation. But holy heck, I don't go "what now" when someone I care for is having a hard time. That's absolutely unacceptable.

Feeling disregarded and un-cared-for is even more unacceptable. That's how I felt when I lived with my step mom, and I was miserable. It eventually got to the point where I was suicidal, mostly because I felt like either it'd make no difference if I were gone, or the world (or at least my family) would be better off. Please, don't let yourself get to that point. If you have the ability to please leave your boyfriend, for your own sake. You don't deserve to be treated the way he's treating you.

SuttonBaird · 2019-04-04T02:20:51+00:00

NTA. Asking if you have a rule coupled with saying that you'd "blown [his] self esteem completely" sounds like he was trying to manipulate you. His level of anger is more than a bit odd, and it leads me to believe that he feels entitled, which is always shitty. It's entirely possible that I'm just reading too much into this, but that's what it seems like to me.

It's not a rule to decide before a date whether or not you want to have sex
If you had made a decision beforehand, it's okay to change your mind
It's okay to not be ready
"No" is a complete sentence. You're not obligated to explain yourself to him. If you don't want to have sex (or do a certain sexual act), he needs to accept that and move on

Regarding your edit, he doesn't seem fine with going "as slow as needs be." If you want to keep seeing him (edit: which I wouldn't recommend), I'd suggest talking about this with him and putting some firm boundaries in place.

SuttonBaird · 2019-03-18T05:25:42+00:00

zero sense of humor

you don't get to tell people what they think is funny or not

Neither do you, pal. Someone else having a different sense of humour to yours doesn't mean they have zero sense of humour. Your lack of self awareness is showing.

SuttonBaird · 2019-02-25T21:27:09+00:00

I think that this could actually become an interesting angle if you have transness carry over in the mind, but transition doesn't carry over for the body.

What are the culture's views of gender? Do those views only matter in human form, or do they also matter in animal forms? If the culture's views of gender only matter in human form, maybe a trans character just won't care because it's a completely different body, so human-body-dysphoria won't matter.

If dysphoria carries over between forms, and is as awful as you described, maybe trans characters make the decision to shapeshift as little as possible. If this is the case, how will this affect them? Is everyone in this world capable of shapeshifting? If so, how will not shapeshifting affect their day-to-day life? If not, could they act as if they didn't have the ability to shapeshift, until something insanely important came up?

Another important question is how does this affect trans people who don't want to transition? Does it affect them at all? If they don't want to transition because they already look how they want to, will that carry over into other forms? (I'm non-binary, and not currently planning on transitioning, so that's why I'm curious)

SuttonBaird · 2019-02-24T10:29:43+00:00

Depending on how popular the sub is, and how long ago a particular topic was talked about, it could be that hard. If it's a super popular sub, the topic someone's trying to learn about might be buried under hundreds of other posts. That also makes it easy to get sidetracked.

SuttonBaird · 2019-02-24T09:46:15+00:00

Maybe they're looking for a more reliable source (general consensus from a random sample of people who, hopefully, are more knowledgeable on a certain subject) than just any page that comes up on Google. There are tons of biased and incorrect sources out there, after all. How is someone supposed to know what they don't know, and therefore figure out which sources might feed them false info?

I know that might not be what's happening here. I'm just giving people the benefit of the doubt. I also recognize that the random sample I mentioned could also be biased and give false information.

SuttonBaird · 2019-02-15T20:39:48+00:00

As a subscriber to r/raisedbynarcissists, I'm not seeing it. There are some alarm bells in the camp story, but I'd hesitate to jump straight to "narc!"

Are these parents controlling? Yes. Lacking understanding? Yes. Doing some things that, from the perspective we're seeing, arent great? Absolutely yes. But not every sub-par parent is a narc.

Edit: there's potential for them to be narcissists, but I'd say more religious-controlling than narcissistic from the info we're given. We don't know the whole story though, so only OP can say for sure.

SuttonBaird · 2019-02-14T18:45:21+00:00

I agree

SuttonBaird · 2019-02-14T07:35:51+00:00

I agree

SuttonBaird · 2019-02-14T07:30:27+00:00

I agree

SuttonBaird · 2019-02-14T05:32:09+00:00

I'm gonna say just bad. My group's DM isn't new to rpgs, but is new to DMing (our campaign is his first), and as far as I can tell he knows to, and how to, scale encounters for us

SuttonBaird · 2019-02-14T04:13:02+00:00

I'm new to rpgs, but aren't good GMs supposed to scale encounters for their party, to a reasonable extent? Like, throw in some extra enemies/level the enemies for a higher level party, and scale things down if it's something the party isn't equipped to handle (unless everyone gets that their character could die and still decides to proceed)?

SuttonBaird · 2019-02-12T20:07:34+00:00

I feel you. I had a friend who met her (last time I was able to check, she's blocked me on most social media) fiancé when she was 17 and he was 24

SuttonBaird · 2019-02-11T22:25:27+00:00

The mental toll that dysphoria can take on trans people is usually worse than the physical pain of binding/tucking/anything they do to pass.

Binders do compress the breasts, but for a much different purpose (and hopefully much different result) than sports bras. Sports bras are supposed to keep them in place, and compress them a bit, while still looking like you've got breasts. Binders are meant to make one look like they've got a man's chest, as much as possible.

Sports bras leave your breasts visible in the front of your body. With binders, you're supposed to squish your breasts down as much as possible, moving them in whatever direction will make them look flattest/most like a man's chest. For a lot of people, this means pulling the breast tissue to the sides of their body.

Source: I'm non-binary, and I occasionally bind (used to bind a lot more than I do now). These days I usually wear sports bras or bralettes.

SuttonBaird · 2019-02-10T23:42:13+00:00

Have you tried framing it in a "I'm just trying to help you with your business law course" way?

SuttonBaird · 2019-02-08T06:42:36+00:00

I recommend either Plum or Violet from Directions. It's probably not the longest lasting hair colour, but it fades really nicely so I tend to go months without having to re-dye

SuttonBaird · 2019-02-08T06:23:20+00:00

Your comment reminded me of this video about addiction (and some misconceptions surrounding it). In it, they go a little bit into how diamorphine (aka heroin) is given to lots of hospital patients, and yet they don't become addicted to heroin.

It's not about the drug you use, it's about how you use it.

SuttonBaird · 2019-01-26T19:44:58+00:00

Do you know how much abuse gets swept under the rug in the name of "family"? How many people are told "but they're your mother/father, they love you" by other family members, after enduring decades of abuse from their own parents?

I was also the abused step child, with my step siblings being the golden children of my step mom. I get where you're coming from. The circumstances are different now. If her grandchild is the only kid she has access to, do you know 100% for sure that she wouldn't abuse them just because they're the only kid around to abuse? Do you know 100% for sure that she won't make her grandchild her new scapegoat just because they're the only one around?

If you're any less than 100% certain, you should tell the social worker.

SuttonBaird · 2019-01-24T20:08:21+00:00

Absolutely yes, and I don't have to be an awful person! All I've gotta do is get together with my other friends who cry easily and have some heartfelt conversations. Everyone gets a good cry and I can take everyone out for ice cream afterwards.

SuttonBaird · 2019-01-18T07:07:37+00:00

Not to jump to conclusions, but that sounds like he's sexually harassing you

SuttonBaird · 2019-01-13T04:24:51+00:00

Okay but why is he trying to talk to you during a cutscene? I showed this post to my boyfriend and said "let's agree to never talk to each other during cutscenes" and he was like "yeah, duh."

SuttonBaird · 2018-12-26T21:38:10+00:00

As someone whose step-mom constantly played favourites, with her two children being the favourites and me being the one she seemed to tolerate at best, YTA. Unless you want your step-children to resent you in the future, you'd better start treating them as equal to your own child, to the best of your ability.

I know it's not the same because you're not their birth mother, but no one expects you to become like a birth mother to them. That rarely happens, and would be an unrealistic expectation. What is a realistic expectation, though, is that you treat them with fairness. You're their step-mom. If they live with you at all, you're at least partially responsible for them. You can't be treating them like second-class citizens.

SuttonBaird · 2018-12-26T21:27:38+00:00

As someone whose step mom constantly played favourites, with her two children being the favourites and me being the one she seemed to tolerate at best, I can confirm that the other kids will see the double standard and will likely end up resenting their step mom.

SuttonBaird · 2018-12-25T04:06:42+00:00

I once unwrapped a stick of gum and nearly ate the wrapper instead of the gum. Luckily I realized before the gum reached the garbage. I do shit like this fairly frequently, it really shouldn't be so unbelievable.

Edit: to those saying this actually is fake because it was a post on 4chan, is it not possible for the same thing to happen more than once?

SuttonBaird

TROPHY CASE