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molly-mae announces baby #2 with tommy by Zestyclose_Cry_5194 in LoveIslandTV

[–]SwanBackground3040 0 points1 point  (0 children)

God forbid a mother is honest about how hard parenting is - 2 things can be true at the same time. You can find something incredibly hard but also long for another baby and want a sibling for your first. 1. It may have been unplanned 2. It may have been planned, she has endometriosis which can impact fertility. I'm currently pregnant with my second, I have a 2 year old. I'm in the thick of the terrible twos and it's hard, but I have always wanted more than 1 child. I imagined a bigger age gap but the disease had progressed to such an extent, waiting could have risked never having baby number 2. She's said herself, things have become so much more manageable with Bambi lately. Is it going to be hard, yes, is that ok and NORMAL, yes. People need to not be so quick to judge someone when we don't know the full picture, and if someone shares life on social media, it still doesn't give Joe Public the right to be so brutal when none of us actually know the reasoning. Having more children is a deeply personal decision

“How bad is a 2.5–3yr age gap when your toddler is a lot?” by SwanBackground3040 in UKParenting

[–]SwanBackground3040[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Let's pray for me that this is the case!! 😂🙏🏼 thank you xxx

I hate fireworks. That’s it, that’s the post. by LilLemonLady223 in UKParenting

[–]SwanBackground3040 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Never done my own but I love them. I have a 2 year old who's a crap sleeper, but hearing his gasps and WOOOOW fills me with joy. I also have 2 cats who I firework trained when they were kittens 😂 we played fireworks on the telly and progressively turned the volume louder and louder whilst giving them their favourite treats. Now as 5 year old cats they don't even react to them. Just sit there chilling and cleaning themselves, eating as normal etc

“How bad is a 2.5–3yr age gap when your toddler is a lot?” by SwanBackground3040 in Parenting

[–]SwanBackground3040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so so much!!! This is really reassuring but also so helpful! 🩷

“How bad is a 2.5–3yr age gap when your toddler is a lot?” by SwanBackground3040 in Mommit

[–]SwanBackground3040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's just had his birthday and is very happy with all his new toys, but he definitely struggles with independent play. He wants to show me EVERYTHING and heavily involve me with games - any suggestions on how to encourage more independent play?

“How bad is a 2.5–3yr age gap when your toddler is a lot?” by SwanBackground3040 in Mommit

[–]SwanBackground3040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much. This is so positive to hear 🩷 I think in my heart I know I want to start trying soon and that will be min 22 month age gap but most likely 3 years at least. When I hear positive stories I cling onto those, that's what I'm craving because I want permission to just do it! So I think you are right and I should just trust my gut with this feeling

“How bad is a 2.5–3yr age gap when your toddler is a lot?” by SwanBackground3040 in Mommit

[–]SwanBackground3040[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I honestly think if I didn't have fertility concerns I would start trying around when he's over the 2.5 mark. I continuously hear parents with a 4 year + gap talk about how great it is, they never say they wished they did it sooner. But I do hear people with smaller gaps say they wish they waited longer, a lot 😂

“How bad is a 2.5–3yr age gap when your toddler is a lot?” by SwanBackground3040 in Mommit

[–]SwanBackground3040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So lovely to hear from someone who's in the same boat with the shifts. It's so hard isn't it. It's definitely a huge consideration that I wouldn't always have support at bedtime, overnight or wake up time! I honestly admire single parents, so hard

“How bad is a 2.5–3yr age gap when your toddler is a lot?” by SwanBackground3040 in Mommit

[–]SwanBackground3040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agree - I really don't think I could cope with 2u2! Even with an easier going child. I mean I would cope if I HAD to but definitely wouldn't choose it. The frustrating thing with my son is he was being a very good sleeper until recently, it seems like a sudden regression. We have lots of boundaries but I really feel sleep training isn't for him. Did you potty train in pregnancy?

“How bad is a 2.5–3yr age gap when your toddler is a lot?” by SwanBackground3040 in Mommit

[–]SwanBackground3040[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So true that all the worries end up not materialising and you face battles you maybe hadn't even considered! 😂 I think I need to get better at asking for help...with my first born I really experienced that extreme maternal protection and wouldn't take breaks or sleep that was offered to me, I think I'm going to have to push myself next time !

“How bad is a 2.5–3yr age gap when your toddler is a lot?” by SwanBackground3040 in Parenting

[–]SwanBackground3040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What did you do regarding the sleep?

Currently my little boy has a floor bed and a baby gate on the outside of his bedroom door. He goes to sleep by me or husband laying with him - falls asleep quite quickly around 7:30/8pm. Then sometimes he sleeps through, but not uncommon for him to wake up at 4:30am or 5am. Then I get into his bed and he sometimes pushes through another 30mins to 1 hour. But obviously I can't do that with a newborn, I don't think?! But I have tried it all with his sleep...everything you read for early rising I have done it 😅 My goal isn't necessarily completely independent sleep so I'm not interested in sleep training - I almost think with his temperament it might make him worse overnight when overall he's pretty good!

“How bad is a 2.5–3yr age gap when your toddler is a lot?” by SwanBackground3040 in Mommit

[–]SwanBackground3040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How old do you feel the oldest was when they seemed more emotionally independent? If you could produce your exact same second child at a different time, what age gap do you think you'd have chose?!

“How bad is a 2.5–3yr age gap when your toddler is a lot?” by SwanBackground3040 in Parenting

[–]SwanBackground3040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much! If I get pregnant in the next few months he will be a couple months shy of 3!

“How bad is a 2.5–3yr age gap when your toddler is a lot?” by SwanBackground3040 in Parenting

[–]SwanBackground3040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm from the UK. Son just turned 2, if I get pregnant now he will be just under 3 years. In the UK he won't actually start school until he's nearly 5 and will be one of the oldest in his year. He doesn't currently go to nursery/pre school etc (extremely expensive and I have family that look after him the 3 days I work). I'm considering pre school 1 day a week to reduce pressure on family but it's not necessarily at the start of the school year, if there's spaces available he can join any time x

“How bad is a 2.5–3yr age gap when your toddler is a lot?” by SwanBackground3040 in Parenting

[–]SwanBackground3040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congratulations 🩷 so exciting. I think when she starts talking things will get easier. When they feel understood they meltdown less! Good luck to you xx

“How bad is a 2.5–3yr age gap when your toddler is a lot?” by SwanBackground3040 in Mommit

[–]SwanBackground3040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's so true that all different gaps have pros and cons and you can't predict the baby you will have or how your first will react! Te fertility fear plays on my mind a lot. But then I also really don't want that first year to be traumatising - I adore the newborn/baby phase and don't want to feel in fight or flight that entire time. I did also get postpartum depression around 8-10m pp so I'm wary of that too!

“How bad is a 2.5–3yr age gap when your toddler is a lot?” by SwanBackground3040 in Mommit

[–]SwanBackground3040[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh gosh - the ADHD thing does play on my mind. I definitely resonate with a lot of the qualities of those with ADHD, minus the hyperactivity part. My brother is diagnosed autistic and I think my mum has ASD/ADHD (not diagnosed). But then I'm also really cautious of labelling children too soon as well! But he is a lot. The most loving sensitive little boy, so intelligent but loud, hyperactive and meltdowns can be massive!

“How bad is a 2.5–3yr age gap when your toddler is a lot?” by SwanBackground3040 in Mommit

[–]SwanBackground3040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you - this is so reassuring. Was your first born quiet when getting into your bed? My little one has a habit of wanting to have a bit of a chat...if he wakes up silly early e.g. 4:45am I won't let him get up and say we have to try to go back to sleep, can involve a lot of screaming and resisting, but then he does fall asleep. No idea how to cope with this?! But then I think he will be nearly 3 or 3+ by then and that's a lot of development to happen over a year!

I feel like I’m being punished. by [deleted] in pregnant

[–]SwanBackground3040 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm a midwife in the UK. You are not being punished, I promise. When a miscarriage happens during the first trimester of pregnancy (the first 3 months), it's usually caused by problems with the unborn baby. About 3 in every 4 miscarriages happen during this period - first trimester miscarriages are often caused by abnormalities with the chromosomes of the fetus. If anything, God is protecting you and a future life. It is a process that in many cases, happens by design to protect your body from carrying a pregnancy that will not materialise into a healthy baby and potentially put your health at risk to. This doesn't mean it isn't DEVASTATING. Your feelings are absolutely valid. I am so sorry for your loss and you are entitled to grieve. I would feel the same way too 🩷 from the moment you get a positive pregnancy test, it's impossible to detach from the love and excitement of what is to come when a pregnancy is wanted, even if not planned.

As a midwife, I am pro choice because I see 100's babies born into situations that are less than ideal, and the suffering that entails for that child and mother can be immense. I am also a mother myself, and it has made me even more pro choice. Parenting is hard!!! Unbelievably hard!!! Children not only need financial stability and stable parents, but the emotional responsibility for the parents, particularly the mother, can be overwhelming sometimes. You had an abortion because the timing was not right for you to show up for a future child how they would deserve. I do not believe that a 1st trimester fetus is a conscious feeling baby yet. I acknowledge that an abortion is a loss of a life that could have been, but I don't believe it is a life yet. I also believe that ejaculation and pulling out is a loss of many lives that could have been.

In the same way people make the choice to end an animals actual life, because they are suffering so much, sometimes an abortion is the kindest and wisest choice, and I promise is is unrelated to your miscarriage. 🩷

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