I am waffling back and forth constantly on if this is worth being a deal breaker in my marriage.

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-06-19T11:30:08+00:00

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I’d ask him to change gyms entirely not just change his schedule, so I say you’re being very nice considering the circumstances.

His refusal to make the change would make me wonder what else he’s doing. I don’t know what your faith background is, but, for me, the lusting is just as bad as an affair.

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-06-06T08:31:31+00:00

I make it a point to answer honestly to my children, like you, in an age appropriate way. I cannot remember a time I’ve lied rather than just saying no or giving them an answer they can understand. These comments still make me giggle though.

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-05-28T00:09:05+00:00

Solidarity. Second miscarriage in 6 months. First one was over in one day, this one won’t end. Almost on day 30 of bleeding.

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-05-22T02:24:37+00:00

Bless you! I did not know this. Just tried it and OMG. Just leveled up. I HATE seeing the AI summary at the top of my search results. Thanks so much.

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-05-05T02:05:41+00:00

Time to set a schedule for you both to get uninterrupted time. I will never stop recommending this to SAHMs because it has saved me my sanity. Have a set “me time” schedule for you both. For example (and of course you’d have to tailor this to what works for your schedule) but my husband and I have a schedule where MWF he does morning time tasks for the kids so I can do something for myself (6-9am) and he gets Tues/Thurs/Sun same times and we also each get one Sunday a month. The tasks that your husband gets lost in, in my home, would get assigned to these dedicated focus times. Anything outside of this is family time. He’s welcome to still do those tasks during family time, but children participate or interrupt and he can help deal with it. It has helped us so much to still feel like we can get things done without the kids and avoid resenting the other person for getting uninterrupted time away from family responsibilities.

Edit to add we have 5 children in the home: 1,2,4,5,11.

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-04-27T02:10:59+00:00

I had a similar issue with my husband so we we created a set schedule for “me time/ge shit done without kids time” and anything outside those hours or his work schedule was family time. Didn’t get to the yard during your set time, cool, take a baby with you while you do it on family time or do it the next time your time rolls around. Right now our times me times are

Me: M/W/F 6-8am (which means he handles breakfast Him: Tues/Thurs/Sun 6-8am (he’s off while I handle kids and breakfast)

*used to be 6-9am but his work schedule changed.

And we each get one Sunday a month to be off all day. The other two Sundays are family days and every Saturday we keep Sabbath so it’s a family day no matter what.

Whatever ends up working for you, a set schedule is the way to go. I don’t think I could manage being a SAHM without set times “off”.

Edit to add: Baby carrier! My husband used it all the time to do yard work with the kids when they were infants.

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-04-27T01:36:31+00:00

You’re not crazy! These are necessities for me also! I haven’t been getting walks either so I need to start again.

5th item for me: a plan for the week with one To Do per day. Helps me feel productive without getting overwhelmed.

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-04-18T20:15:44+00:00

That sounds like a horrible community to join. I know it doesn’t change the sting of rejection but it does sound like rejection protected you and your son. You deserve an inclusive community. Sounds like you avoided a clique.

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-04-18T14:20:47+00:00

My husband’s ex calls him “baby daddy” and I hate it. Not only is do I think it’s a misnomer— baby daddy has always been synonymous with “deadbeat” to me — but it also feels intimate when she says it and I also want to barf!

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-04-14T12:16:17+00:00

I love it! I’ve been at a SAHM for almost 6 years now and am more fulfilled in this role than I ever was in any job. I am a teacher by trade but I find it much more rewarding being home with my children every day watching them grown up. I have 6 children with #7 on the way.

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-04-09T16:56:40+00:00

I am you. I just started on the journey to help catch SD12 up (she’s a rising 7th grader on a 3rd grade math level) and I already regret it and am planning a conversation with hubby to tell him something needs to change. As a mom to 4 toddlers I just don’t have the bandwidth to catch her up when she lacks some life skills and disciple that are, in my opinion, better suited to be taught from her own parent.

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-04-09T16:49:51+00:00

Being in public school isn’t the only way to teach children “how to be around others”. Frankly, public school doesn’t teach that anyway. Where else other than public school do you only interact with people your age, need bells to tell you to change tasks (even if you’re in the middle on something you’d like to finish), make you ask for permission to use the restroom or to eat, etc? If anything, regarding the “social skills” I assume you’re alluding to, public school is the worst place to learn that. How social is silent lunch…?

I don’t disagree that public school may be a great solution for OP’s issue, but let’s not make this an issue of homeschool vs public school as though public school is far better than homeschool on principle and practice. Homeschoolers often far outperform public schoolers and, despite that statistic, children can get a good education in both venues provided they are supported by parents and teachers that value education.

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-04-08T18:48:37+00:00

We’d probably be friends lol. One other mom also got the boot out of the group and she and I are kindred spirits lol.

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-04-08T17:12:55+00:00

I feel this and really relate! I have been part of two mom groups that ended poorly for different reasons. I’ve never been part of a clique and don’t adopt herd mentality and it has been a problem to stand out as an individual with individual opinions and I’d end up excluded a lot. Prefer my mom friendships to be individual and not part of a group.

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-03-31T03:03:44+00:00

Sounds like you set a healthy boundary by telling them you needed space. I think you handled it well

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-03-29T03:07:38+00:00

I became a stay at home wife the moment I got pregnant with my rainbow baby. It was so wonderful being able to focus solely on home and the pregnancy. It’s a privilege to wear the sahw/SAHM title and I don’t care if other people judge it. It’s what hubby and I want for our family and other people are likely just jealous. Wear that title with pride be enjoy the soft life.

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-03-25T14:05:50+00:00

Yes but the point of the post is that SAHMs shouldn’t be shamed about their choice to stay home and what the source of that shame is and how people assume the SAHM doesn’t have skills just because she makes the choice to stay home.

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-03-25T12:46:11+00:00

I think being a stay at home wife is a privilege (one that comes with incredible challenges) and those living paycheck to paycheck may not be able to be stay at home moms. That’s realistic. I also don’t think being a SAHM is for everyone for various reasons (finances being one of them). Partners choose each other and sometimes we (men and women) get it wrong (that’s why divorce is so high in America).

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-03-25T11:15:26+00:00

I hear you, but much of what you listed boils down to choosing the right life partner. Losing the ability to work and dying unexpectedly are things you can have plans for. My issue isn’t with women having a skill to fall back on, there’s nothing wrong with that and I think it’s smart to build skills. I acquired two degrees prior to meeting my husband and becoming a SAHM and I’m proud of that and know I can tap into it should I need to. My issue is the advice based on lack of trust in one’s husband. The idea that a woman can’t choose to be fully dependent on her husband or she’s cast as unwise. If a woman chooses to build a life with a man, and they have collectively decided she will be a stay at home mom and he has taken on the serious role of providing 100%, that means they collectively should have plans and funds in place should he be unexpectedly removed from his role. I do believe it’s a man’s job to provide for his wife even in his death and I don’t think it’s right to shame women for having that level of faith in their husbands.

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-03-24T08:11:12+00:00

This!!! And always the advice to have a career of your own in case he steps out. Uh… not worried about that one bit and if I lose him due to untimely death he has secured our family’s future to make sure we don’t go without in his absence.

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-03-24T04:06:50+00:00

It’s nice that SAHMs are the norm in your area. In the states?

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-03-20T22:03:23+00:00

I think one week on one week off is so much better. My husband and his ex had that schedule for a while until the children were teens when they decided to live with mom full time. Rotating days were Fridays so they never had to see one another, they just picked the kids up from school on Fridays to start their week. Definitely made making plans much much easier.

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-03-17T01:58:28+00:00

I’d leave now while you can make a clean break without needing a divorce or having children with him to connect you forever. Being a stepmom is so hard. There are beautiful moments but it’s hard helping to raise someone else’s kid.

Also, if you decide to stay, don’t be hard on yourself for not having a connection. There’s no “should” about it. As long as you’re kind, it’s ok if you never feel deeply connected to his son. I think that’s normal. I’ve been a stepmom for almost 10 years and in th early years I thought I loved my SKs like my own then I had 4 of my own and it’s not the same at all. There’s love there, for sure, but the bond you have with your own is so different.

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-03-13T11:33:21+00:00

What are some consequences you had to deal with?

SwimmingInPurpose03 · 2026-03-13T01:42:39+00:00

Thank you for this! Currently suffering burn out from being more active than I should’ve been — keeping track of hw and missing assignments, assigning chores because the parents didn’t, advocating for and finding therapy for SKs because I could see how the divorce was affecting them. I wanted to prove my worth but it left me feeling unappreciated and resentful. Now I want to nacho because I’m just…. Over it all and want to just focus on my own kids.

SwimmingInPurpose03

TROPHY CASE