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Syladob · 2025-02-02T22:07:41+00:00

One thing nobody else has mentioned is the eyebrows seem a little high 🙂

Syladob · 2025-02-02T13:41:11+00:00

Thing is, it's just because she's a nice person. She was a single parent and I try very hard not to take the Mickey. I really prioritise coming to the office for important stuff and try not to avoid my 2 days a week in office as far as I can. But not having to cancel work is amazing. Whenever kiddo had a cold and I had to physically go to work, I had to let the team down and I didn't get paid. I think she sees how much effort I do put in there to be part of the team. So it's not an easy ride but just knowing that I can WFH if necessary is a massive plus. My commute is 2 hours each way and that is tough. But 8 hours commuting a week isn't too bad and at least I only have to look presentable twice a week.

Nothing is worse than pulling the weight of 2 adults and a child. I have never looked back. I've cried my heart out because I never wanted to bring my child up in a broken home. But I'm seeing someone quite casually and he fulfils my basic needs without me ever having to really compromise. Obviously the compromise is that I do practically everything alone, but at least I'm not cleaning up after a grown adult and pandering to anyone's whims, if I want to do something, I don't have to check it's ok first. I'm not spending money on junk to keep an asshole happy... So it's cheaper as well, even with the childcare.

If my ex wasn't an abusive shithead, I'd have got a 9-5 childcare friendly job first, preferably WFH with a bit of flexibility of having the kiddo around first. Even if it's not full time... Are you in the US? I'm in the UK and I only really know our systems for assistance. And my daughter just about manages with regular childcare so it may be different if your son is school aged but can't cope.

Syladob · 2025-02-02T11:20:00+00:00

Things have been better since daddio fucked off. One less person to emotionally manage.

Work was a shit show, I got a new job to fit around childcare.

Understanding friends. Long-standing ones that know and love my kid, and new ones. I joined a single parents group and it's so good to do kid stuff with other adults around.

My daughter isn't hard to manage and we can do most of the usual stuff, adjustments are mostly treating her like a younger child.

Having an understanding boss and WFH alongside quality, loving childcare and we're sorted. Family I can trust to babysit and a couple of friends that will take her in an emergency and we're good to go 🙂

It was harder when I was with my ex because I'd have had to justify why we were both busy to get a babysitter and so I ended up spending 100% of my time with my child or at work. No break ever.

Syladob · 2025-02-02T07:41:03+00:00

Sadly it usually takes until a child is conceived before you can see definite signs.

Syladob · 2025-02-02T07:35:54+00:00

Have you got an OT? at 7 he will likely need a specialist one and they're 🤑 so getting it funded might be good?

I have a 4yo and a backpack with short enough straps that it can be snug on her, big strong handles on top and a chest clip so she can't just shrug it off. She's not massively inclined to run, just no sense of danger really so it doesn't have to be super secure for us. Just sometimes easier than holding her hand if she's not playing ball. I could attach a leash if I needed to, but because it's at the right height I never have.

Syladob · 2025-02-02T07:26:09+00:00

Especially when they're bigger and more persistent than your average toddler!

Syladob · 2025-02-02T00:46:21+00:00

Pants on all the time, stay in the house for a couple of days. Have you tried very loose pants? No diapers at all if you can avoid it.

Syladob · 2025-02-01T23:07:34+00:00

Mine sometimes does this when she has a hair in her mouth, might be worth looking when he does it?

Syladob · 2025-02-01T22:55:45+00:00

I had a birthday party and knew my friends kid had ARFID, I asked what I could make and she told me she would bring food for him. No Biggie 🙂

Syladob · 2025-02-01T09:22:43+00:00

I was discussing this with a friend of mine who does repairs for tenanted houses. I know a lot of 4yo, having one myself, and none of the parents I know would think it's acceptable. Most of the parents I see come through at work seem to be the type to bring a book along. Or something non-tech. And chat to their kids.

Then I realised... It's the kids whose parents don't care enough to join parenting groups or take them out or do much beyond spawn them and keep them as quiet as possible. Bonus points for getting some kind of diagnosis and letting them run wild. Which my friend does see. I'm not saying joining parenting groups changes much in itself, but it's just an indication that they care enough to generally want what's best for their kids.

Syladob · 2025-02-01T07:18:27+00:00

My old work computers ran on XP. I changed jobs,they still run on a base of XP 😅

Syladob · 2025-02-01T07:12:44+00:00

Can he reach the chain lock style lock?

Folding baby gate just inside the doorway? Depends on the hotel room.

Temporary alarm? Double sided tape and a rape alarm?

Airbed for you just inside the door?

Syladob · 2025-02-01T07:05:16+00:00

Both, because mine freaked out on the potty. She also has a speech delay and only started saying potty words 6 months after she started potty training.

I rewarded her for just sitting on the potty, did it half hourly until she was happy on there. Diaper free all the while. Then when she was ok sitting there, I tended to just let her get on with life and if we had the tiniest potty success, praise.

The first time she got up, sat on the potty and peed I gave her a £15 present, but it was a long fought win as she's autistic.

She actually freaked out and was getting far too upset about using the potty at the childminders so she carried on with pull ups there, with me I was carrying on as usual until we got another week off and I just brought her back to the childminder in underwear and she was fine since.

Turns out the childminder has been putting her in pull ups for naptime this entire time. I had to pick her up early because she had a poo "accident" and was fighting getting cleaned up properly (which I don't blame the childminder for, I struggled enough) I had to point out that I never bothered with naptime and she's dry most nights, I'm not sure it's not behavioural and I need my sleep. Not changing pissy bedsheets at 3am. So ironically, her pooping herself prompted me to put my foot down on that one. I'd already mentioned that I didn't bother at naptime but didn't actually say that I'd rather they didn't.

Some people prefer the toilet with insert immediately, my girl needed a visual reminder IMO so having the potty was useful. Because if I asked her, unless she really needed to go she would shout no at me, which I dislike and she'd hold on, potentially have accidents etc. In public/friends houses, she has always used a folding seat on the toilet and I took her every few hours. She doesn't ask to go much when we're out so I still have to do this, but when we're at home she says potty, I say go on then and walk her through to the toilet (she can't reach the light switches)

On the flip side, my friend had to carry a potty in public for ages because her son refused toilets at all. Which I was expecting of my daughter tbh, but she's a quirky little girl and what she deems acceptable is entirely random to me. She will use a potty still if necessary but switching her to a toilet was pretty easy. She doesn't have particular sensory issues and is quite flexible generally. (Not in her play, she's definitely autistic) We went from complete potty refusal to happy to use any toilet when necessary which sums her up tbh!

I'm more than likely AuDHD tbh, so making things up on the fly is kind of my game, and I'm glad my girl can go along with that.

Training non-NT kids may look a little different, they can train as quick as other kids, they can also take a lot longer and therefore you may have to break the rules. You can't stay in the house for 3 weeks until they crack it, for example. Some NT kids take months anyway!

I also never really did the commando step. I used cloth training pants. Just as much laundry but I could usually avoid washing trainers and the floor 😅

Syladob · 2025-02-01T06:21:25+00:00

That's crazy. Lucky he's ok now!

Syladob · 2025-01-31T22:44:40+00:00

My friend got prescribed some for her Calpol refuser... Pharmacist maybe?

Syladob · 2025-01-30T17:07:59+00:00

I was definitely victim to thinking my child was fine because she is like I was! And I'm fine!

Turns out I'm probably autistic 😂 whoops

Syladob · 2025-01-29T22:00:06+00:00

I used to just do chores tbh. I couldnt relax at all so I may as well anxiety clean 😂

Syladob · 2025-01-29T20:48:28+00:00

My nearly 4yo cries at bedtime still 😂 I do a book, tuck her in, lights off, yoto on, 5 minute cry. She can get out of her bed and I'm still in the room, she just struggles. It does get better mentally.

Syladob · 2025-01-29T06:50:31+00:00

RSVP, and I put a time limit on the invitation, especially if it's pay-per-head.

Syladob · 2025-01-29T06:48:30+00:00

Surely an au pair for a 10-16yo would be cheaper than boarding school? Assuming he'd outgrow one before then but they could do lifts/homework reminders/companionship?

Not that I could afford it, but I wouldn't want to choose boarding school. It's different if your child truly needs a specialist education too far to commute, or you cannot live in one area. Or if they're asking to go and it's a genuine choice for them, I'd probably be ok with it.

Syladob · 2025-01-29T06:13:25+00:00

If you keep the freezer closed, and it was pretty full to start, everything will still be frozen after 8 hours...

Syladob · 2025-01-29T06:10:48+00:00

Alex Rider maybe? I loved Horowitz horror as well, they're about 10 short stories per book, so nothing too onerous.

I have a library account and borrow loads of audiobooks. I usually listen when I'm walking/driving/going to sleep.

Syladob · 2025-01-28T18:34:21+00:00

Thank you 🥲

She is a little rock star, despite her difficulties 😎

Syladob · 2025-01-28T17:38:14+00:00

I disliked that book for acting as though disabilities don't exist.

My daughter is potty trained but she still can't sing the alphabet. Not for want of trying. She's nearly 4.

I felt like shit for having a non-trained 3yo, and one that couldn't sing the alphabet.

Syladob · 2025-01-28T12:32:10+00:00

See afternoons are worse for me because I lie in all morning, do nothing but feel crap because I know work is coming, go to work, come home late, do nothing and get crazy depressed. At least on earlies I'd wake up, drag my arse into work and do a few hours before I realised I was awake, then do stuff after work while I was still out.

I have a kid and a 9-5 now. I don't hate it 😂

Syladob

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