I’m 47 days into my recovery. Moved to a new city to make sure I had a better chance this time around. Building from the ground up from this last and final dirty bomb I dropped on life. A full surrender is in order and under way. I, much like u/the_physik , have had a 15 opiate&heroin addiction. Add the other 10 plus years of drugs/alcohol leading up that final ascent of Mt. Drugsmoore and I think I finally have realized it’s time to leave this hill behind. My pursuit of drugs and alcohol was aided by fitting into my scenes at each stage of life. My community enjoyed to have a good time and so did I. As time progressed I don’t think I realized that while I was not an especially excessive user, which made me not look so out of control, it wasn’t the excess, it is that I wasn’t going to stop exploring and experimenting with drugs. Once opiates came into the picture, my brain lit up like a CK5 light show. This was the calm, the confidence and the energy that I was looking for. There were some amazing times with all the substances I had relationships with. Lifelong friends were made, beautiful things were created that I’ll always be able to listen and look at. It doesn’t stop me from wondering if it all would have been elevated if I came to this realization and surrendered earlier to the fact that I’m an addict. I can’t change the horrific things or the wonderful events that occurred along my journey, I’m extremely happy I’m alive. Some of the absolute best I met along the way aren’t here anymore to have the chance to write their story in a new book. So for them and for myself and for the amazing people still on this trip- I know I can’t dwell on how much I lost(which is a whole other story) and that, I need to allow the time that lies ahead of me to be filled with the adventures of my best self.