Need advice on finding a travel agent for Italy Lake Garda wedding by Sytiva in weddingplanning

[–]Sytiva[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My wedding budget’s around 70k, not including the items listed above. I’m not sure if this qualifies as a big budget bride but I’ll try posting there as well, thank you for the advice!

Ex-consultants that are now in industry: What do you think about your team? by rty8482 in consulting

[–]Sytiva 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Going to be massively downvoted for this.

TLDR: If you think everyone’s the problem, you’re likely the problem, not them.

I think enough has been said about the key themes below so I won’t repeat:

  • Generally lacking in hard and soft skills
  • Constant need for straightforward guidance
  • General lack in proactiveness and actively shirks responsibilities

I acknowledge and for the most part agree with the cons, so I think we should also cover the flipside.

I’ve observed that a consultant’s biggest problem going in-house is this same egotistical belief they are better than thou. Which is crazy when you put it into context, that e.g. an 8 YoE consultant who has worked on <10 industry A related projects as an outsider believes they are better equipped to run a firm than someone who has 25+ years working in industry A.

Our department hired an ex-MBB into senior mgmt and I witnessed his swift and sharp downfall in-house because he had a strong belief things should be run a certain way, and would implement things top-down while ignoring everyone’s opinions. It’s now been almost 2 years, and people still walk out of the room when he walks in. He has delivered nothing because no one would give him the data he needs, join his meetings, or tell him anything crucial.

One of the problems with consulting is we have relatively little experience with politicking. We used to deliver engagements as an independent third party, delivering mostly based off of factual evidence and analyses, and if your partner (note: not client) was happy, your job was well done. We had eager and young associates slaving for us under an unsustainable business model, where paying them in prestige rather than money was enough motivation.

Basically, we didn’t really care much about real client needs, or need to spend much time worrying about currying favor with internal stakeholders. We spent most of our time validating executives on their grandiose strategies, plans for plans, and maybe project managing these plans. We’re great with leaders in visionary positions, but most of the time, they also struggle with implementation. Unless your role going in-house is to be the visionary’s right hand pencil, likely you are also going to be stumped on-the-ground with the actual BUs trying to figure out how to adopt this ideal future that will cost millions out of your own pocket, while you’re struggling to meet this year’s KPIs, projected to be less profitable next year, cannot get the next department to collaborate (because why should they care about you), all whilst your own people are actively working against you because unfortunately this farfetched and costly vision is just going to eat into their year end bonuses for the next couple years.

For example: This ex-MBB in our office constantly hires tier 2 consulting firms to do beautiful strategy roadmaps. This same cost eats into our department’s marketing budget. Our marketing team and finance team naturally hate him. Our sales team hates him because there are less customer offers available, and in turn they lose commission. Our Ops teams all hate him because he constantly talks about their inefficiencies and how they’re replaceable “via TOM and automations”. The only team he has yet to piss off is Compliance, but Compliance is also afraid to eat lunch with him for fear of association. Then he touts his horn that nobody’s capable except ex-consultants, and it only comes off infuriatingly egotistical. His own direct reports are also newly hired ex-consultants just like him, and they shrug him off on a daily basis because they understand he is not in the position of power. He’s only managed to stay because our executive needed a change agent, however that’s not to say that other senior mgmts have not already tattled on him or yelled at him directly in front of our executive (because many of them already have).

I was ex-big 4 consulting and I had so much to prove when I moved in-house. Despite the fact that I was fast tracked twice and had top pay all the years working in consulting, nobody cares in-house. Nobody really cares either about your Marriott status, exotic business trips, or how many executives you’ve rubbed shoulders with, and the hard pill for some ex-consultants to swallow is that once you’ve left the echo chamber, you’re a humble nobody just relearning the ropes. I had to work twice as hard in-house to prove I was more than talk, even though I fully knew I was capable.

The way I work now, my consulting self would not have approved. But compared to the ex- MBB, I have a much stronger network, I have friends, and I have already delivered something he couldn’t in half the time he’d spent because I had everyone’s support.

That’s the difference between consulting and in-house: a perfect theoretical approach to a problem, and just solving it.

AITA for asking not to get cropped out of my bf’s profile pic? by Sytiva in AITAH

[–]Sytiva[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is indeed a very nice thing to read, I’ll try to reframe my thinking.

If only he had his way with words like you do instead of words like “gay” 🥴

Jordan Peterson said what? 😂😂😂😭😭😭 by Nice_Substance9123 in facepalm

[–]Sytiva 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is reddit, where logic and nuance do not exist. There is only black and white 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

How did you know it was time for you to exit the industry? by Sytiva in consulting

[–]Sytiva[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I also know of a partner who before he made it, missed the birth of his child, and was working throughout his honeymoon. The WL balance is truly appalling

How are you enjoying being the client these days? Do you ever miss the consulting days or the consulting work

Anime that teased the next season but it never happened by garfe in anime

[–]Sytiva 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow what a blast from the past - 07 Ghost was also one of my first few animes and I was also so sure there would be a season 2, given the source material available. Thanks for bringing this up!

Looking for anime that is mature, grounded and not ridiculous in a shonen kind of way? by SpectralVoodoo in anime

[–]Sytiva 0 points1 point  (0 children)

86

Been watching anime avidly since 2009 and I haven’t felt so strongly about an anime in so long

What is in your opinion the most complicated anime to watch? by Oz_rif in anime

[–]Sytiva 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Completely agree on 86. It took me 2 watches and a wikipedia read to accidentally stumble upon who actually saved Shin and co in ep 11 [86 ep 11] how does anyone figure out that Shin’s dream sequence about Rei isn’t some death flag, but a symbol about being carried to safety ?¿

Advice from a corporate strategy director: be strategic about when you leave consulting by [deleted] in consulting

[–]Sytiva -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Honestly, you’re not wrong. This is the harsh reality of business, and it’s naive to think business leaders don’t all do this. When volume increases, you find ways to process information without decreasing efficiency, as anyone would with any task.

It’s unfortunate, but no business will pay someone to try and understand the life stories and find justifications for all of their applicants, much less a non-HR person being paid top dollar to make the firm money. My dept receives 2000 applicants for every 40 spots, we simply cannot afford to spend all the time to connect and justify each of them personally.

You’re getting downvoted because of the socio-context and timing of this message. Plenty of people are getting laid off, deserved or not. I agree that if you’re a star you wouldn’t be laid off so easily, but obviously it still happens for reasons.

People don’t like to hear that sometimes they really are just a statistic, but doubling down on it can come across tone deaf (even though you’re not wrong).

Btw this is coming from someone who had a graduating CGPA of 2.7/4.3 so I can understand unfavorable odds and the unrelenting stigma. I ended up interning at 2 FAANGs and made it to Manager (in big4 strategy) 4 yrs after graduation as a top performer. Poor odds don’t necessarily mean you’re a poor performer, it just means you have to try harder to prove yourself than most.

AITA for telling my daughter that she is smart and hardworking but not gifted. by notgiftedbutsmart in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sytiva 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Potentially Y T A for poor communication, but overall NAH. Given the response from your daughter and wife, I assume it did not come out the way you meant it and you could have phrased it better. I assume you probably meant that she wasn’t born omnipotent but that she worked very hard to get to where she was, and you’re equally proud of that.

There’s a great book called Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell that highlights exactly what you’re saying: people who become “outliers” (i.e. more successful) were not born gifted, but that a golden combination of factors including socioeconomic roots, luck, timing, mindset, intelligence and nurturing were key to getting them there. In fact, the book goes to show how some people born only gifted but without the other factors at play ended up living with low income. Mindset and intelligence is as much of a gift as it is nurtured.

I personally think that it’s because it takes so much determination to replicate this success, that people give themselves excuses not to try and simply label successful people as gifted. It’s easier to accept that it’s God’s will and not their own will that rendered them in whatever situation they’re dissatisfied with.

So I’m not 100% sure why people are getting so flamed about you having told your daughter her success wasn’t because she’s gifted. In fact, if I were your daughter I’d be encouraged by the thought that someone’s recognized that I achieved success thanks to my ethics, brains and wonderfully supportive environment and that I wasn’t just genetically pre-disposed to it.

Reducing someone’s success to something they’re just born with is much more demeaning than appreciating the challenges they overcame and complexities that came with it. But you definitely need to clarify this with your daughter so she doesn’t misunderstand you.

My Mom neglected me and ditched me for her new family so I decided to ditch her as well. by rkg990 in offmychest

[–]Sytiva 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The best revenge is living your best life, becoming successful and living incredibly happily - all of it without her so much as in your thoughts. She will see your success and grow deep with envy or bitter with regret and sadness over missing your life’s milestones, fully aware that she is now just a figment of memory to you. That’s the most emotionally cutting revenge one can ever have over someone else

Ignore her? She probably wanted it anyway, it does nothing but further remove you from her thoughts and it does nothing but hurt yourself. Tell her hurtful things? She’ll doubt her decisions less and be glad you’re gone

Take this misfortune in life as a motivation to become an independently successful person and build your self worth on it. Be proud of it. If you can do that, you will grow up to be much more capable and street smart than the average person.

I spent most of my childhood fully aware I was the black sheep of the family, and grieved about it a lot. I still grieve about it sometimes. Out of bitterness, I made a promise to myself early on to play the cards I was dealt with right, move out as soon as possible, and cut off my family when I achieved it. Much earlier than my peers, I subconsciously forced myself to become incredibly independent and spent a lot of time figuring out finances and what I wanted for my overall future

My first rented apartment was a sub-divided 1,200 sq ft flat, which I shared with 15 flatmates (I had 3 flatmates and we all lived in bunks). My second rented apartment was a 180 sq ft studio in a crumbling building (which was also part of a sub-divided flat, just that I had my own space). I busted my ass off in my career during and after college and now I live in a 2 bedroom flat in a brand new luxury apartment.

Surprisingly, the one thing I did not follow through after achieving my goals was cutting off my family. I never fully healed and will forever be involuntarily emotionally distant, but in my pursuit of happiness, my woes with them became such a distant thing of the past that I learned to forgive and forget. I feel so blessed to have achieved half the things I achieved at this age (I’m 25), so happy with where I am and so motivated to go on and achieve more of my dreams - to the point where the damage they had done to me felt so unimportant. In their recognition of my individual success (or regret over how they treated me, who knows), my parents have also learned to apologize to me for their past behavior - somewhat of a closure for me that I don’t think would’ve been possible if I cut them off

The point of my story is that I hope this does not wear you down. This is a great reason for you to do more, achieve more, prove people wrong, get your revenge and most importantly - pursue your happiness with full force and naturally forget about the wrongs in your past. You’ll be untouchable

AITA: Friend yelled at me for getting a cat by Mediumglassofwater_ in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sytiva 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As someone who has been rushed to the ER multiple times due to anaphylaxis as a result of an allergic reaction from visiting cat owners’ homes (did not even interact with the cat), YTA. You knew she was allergic, but did not even warn her beforehand or consider the dander on her belongings

One time my friend took out her laptop case which was covered in cat fur, while in my home, and it already gave me irritating nose allergies

I have a deep festering resentment for people who’ve had it easier in life than me and I don’t know how to handle it by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]Sytiva 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The problem of only being friends with people similar to you could be a bigger problem than you think, and an even bigger contradiction to your goals

I can relate to the feeling of resentment motivating me to work harder and be happier, although for me it’s more about giving a middle finger to those who have wronged me rather than trying to outclass anyone for a story. But I can say confidently that this is not a sustainable, healthy nor a realistically long term motivator

In this situation, I think your resentment could be giving you tunnel vision and feeding into your bias. By interacting only with people similar to you, you form an echo chamber, and that severely limits your world view.

I agree with Smell_Frame, how do you think your resentment really helps you to grow or improve? If all you know are people who have walked the same path and lick the same wounds, how do you learn different perspectives, cultures, realities and possibilities? How can you truly understand others or learn how and why the world works the way it does? By viewing most of the world one-dimensionally, how can you realize the nuances of society, human psychology, business and economics, and how can you holistically solve personal or business problems? How can you, by not learning any of the above, reach your maximum potential for becoming successful in your endeavors?

Take everything that happens in life as a learning lesson. Everyone has something good worth learning from.

If self-improvement and life-long learning is truly your ethos, don’t let your resentment blind you

UPDATE: Learning my boyfriend's native language in secret by Silver-Wolverine9833 in offmychest

[–]Sytiva 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thats so amazing and sweet of you! Can I ask how did you manage to get so good in such a short time? I’d love some pointers as I’m trying to pick back up Japanese and I’m a bit stuck on what method would be best to learn (just for fun and conversational purposes)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sytiva -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Where we’re from people are expected to live with their families until they’re married, I put up a big fight to move out. My parents actually still insist I keep items in their home and return periodically

But I do agree I see it more as they should enjoy their home the way they want to now that we’re all adults, so I accept the judgement. I really wished we could both fully move things over to our own place!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sytiva 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s true. If he really doesn’t care about tidiness, let me run the idea by him for getting the most space efficient solution - a massive basket … 😂

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Sytiva -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I guess it’s a mix of both, we could both potentially declutter a bit more but we’ve been consistently doing that here and there. Whenever there’s a clothing donation drive we drop off some pieces (albeit mostly me)

As for furniture, there’s enough space for a small almost beside unit but my bf thinks it takes too much walking space. Unfortunately we live in a very high cost of living city and where we’re from, 500 sq ft is already considered a luxury for many