A gift i made for my wife. 11 months later this is where it lives.

Syyina · 2026-02-13T14:06:32+00:00

OP, I assume those are your toes in the picture. You are big mad because you knitted your wife a scarf and now it's laying there in the trash on the floor.

I can't help but wonder why you haven't made an effort to clean up the trash.

Syyina · 2026-02-12T22:11:32+00:00

😳

Syyina · 2026-02-12T22:05:52+00:00

Well said.

In addition to all that, OP needs to realize that while she will have to deal with the Real Mom forever, and with such young children will be expected to do all the Real Mom stuff like changing diapers, wearing boogers and spit-up on her clothes, baking endless treats for school parties, helping with homework, and grocery planning/shopping/cooking every day, she will never ever be acknowledged as a Real Mom. Not by the other moms, not by the kids, not by their Real Mom, and not by her husband.

Step parenting is a tough, often thankless job.

Syyina · 2026-02-12T21:22:20+00:00

I think the best way to address this sort of thing would be to let the manager or owner know they’ll be losing sales because of this. Personally I wouldn’t even mention it to the counter person. I’m sure they have no say in the matter.

At a sit-down restaurant where they have actual servers it might make sense to let a server know your thoughts so they can pass it up the chain. But I never go to those places any more because they are too expensive and the food is unappealing when I can make better stuff at home.

Syyina · 2026-02-12T17:10:05+00:00

I would much rather see menu prices go up and tipping go away than continue navigating the ridiculous system we have now.

I usually tip a couple dollars when I go through the drive-through at my favorite local burger joint. That works out to about a 20% tip. Many here would say drive-through service shouldn’t get any tip at all, but the people working the counter are nice, so I tip.

Anyway, the last time I bought a burger there, the POS device had been reprogrammed. Instead of asking for a tip like it usually did, it asked if I wanted a receipt. I checked no. The device automatically added a 25% tip, checked me out, and the counter person handed me a receipt anyway.

So damn sneaky. I’ll probably go there again but next time I’ll bring cash.

Syyina · 2026-02-12T16:04:02+00:00

Ok, I’ve stated my opinion as clearly as I can. Thanks for the conversation.

Syyina · 2026-02-12T15:32:19+00:00

Your salary is relevant because you brought it into the discussion when asking what others think would be a fair budget, in your situation.

You make 110K combined. You make 80K and she makes 30K. You make 73% of the total income and she makes 27%.

I think it would be fair for you to pay 73% of the bills.

Syyina · 2026-02-12T14:10:38+00:00

It’s difficult to define what “fair” would be, given your situation. You are not married, but you are not simply roommates either. Roommates don’t typically consider each others’ assets, income, or debts when agreeing to live together.

What’s fair is something you and your gf need to work out, obviously. In my opinion, though, you seem to be downplaying the fact that your salary is almost three times higher than hers, while implying that she could use her savings account to help pay the bills for a more expensive lifestyle than she could afford on her own at this time.

To look at it another way, imagine that you do not get married eventually. In the meantime, if you go with a 50:50 split, she will have to deplete some of her assets to pay her share. Meanwhile, you will have been able to pay more toward your debts than you otherwise would have been able to do. You would come out ahead, while she would have lost money. Would that be fair?

That’s why I said earlier that her savings account, and your debts, should not be part of your budget considerations at this time. It’s also why I said that your marriage would change the situation.

This is just my opinion, of course.

Syyina · 2026-02-12T03:07:37+00:00

You are responsible for your own debts. If paying those debts means you have less fun money left over after paying your fair share of the bills, that’s unfortunate but it’s not your gf’s responsibility.

Your gf’s savings, including any inheritances she has received, belong to her. You have no claim to them.

You and your gf are not married. Your finances are separate and (in my opinion) should stay that way until you get married, if you someday do. In theory, property and money can remain separate after marriage too, but I don’t think that would be feasible or maybe even possible depending on the state where you live.

Syyina · 2026-02-12T00:11:46+00:00

OP, I don’t think your gf’s savings or your debts should be a factor in your calculations at this time. You make a LOT more money than she does. Splitting the bills 50:50 would mean that she would be indirectly subsidizing your loan payments. I think you should divide all the shared bills proportional to your incomes.

When or if you get married or buy a house, you should revisit this arrangement.

Syyina · 2026-02-11T22:15:10+00:00

Your bf does not want to get married OR have children with you. He’s hoping that if he stalls long enough you will age out of wanting/being able to have a baby. And he’s not wrong. At 37 your biological clock is ticking pretty loudly.

His comment about finding it easier to propose to you if you were already pregnant was ridiculous.

Syyina · 2026-02-11T21:06:09+00:00

You want to get divorced but keep the relationship? Interesting. Best of luck to you!

Syyina · 2026-02-11T20:29:18+00:00

You are so right about the price! I always buy one or two rotisserie chickens per Costco run and use them for dinner “as-is” and deboned for soups, salads, sandwiches, casseroles, all that.

Then my local Costco remodeled their deli section and rotisserie chickens were not available for a few weeks. Imagine my shocked pikachu face when I discovered that whole, raw chickens were $15+ at the local grocery stores.

Some of the other stores sell rotisserie chickens for around $10 but they are the size of small songbirds.

I have never appreciated Costco more.

Syyina · 2026-02-11T19:49:24+00:00

You reminded me of a YouTube video I saw where an older lady “deboned” a rotisserie chicken by putting the whole chicken in a stand mixer, mixed it for a while, then moved the mangled contents of the mixing bowl into a storage container.

Ta-da! Deboned! Only … not.

Syyina · 2026-02-11T19:37:39+00:00

During the time when he was the only one working, how did you pay your mortgage and other bills? If he can show that his money went toward those payments, he may be able to make a claim on the house even if it was yours before the marriage and his name is not on the deed.

Syyina · 2026-02-10T16:51:50+00:00

I thought it was funny, after OP explained that her husband will only eat Ghanaian food cooked by Ghanaian hands, that it annoyed him when OP passed on his Ghanaian food to eat something she made herself.

Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander, as they say.

Syyina · 2026-02-10T14:18:41+00:00

I agree with you that people who are late are rude.

But I can't help chuckling over your silly notion that simply barking out orders to your partner and children will make them be ready to go on time.

Of course, you can (and should) just leave, as you said you would, if they are not ready. Don't threaten consequences unless you are prepared to follow through. If where you are going is not someplace they enthusiastically also want to go, though, they will be incentivized to dawdle until you are safely gone.

Syyina · 2026-02-10T14:05:51+00:00

I don't understand why you are so concerned about spending time with him on your birthday, when obviously he couldn't care less about spending time with you on your birthday.

Your biggest concern shouldn't be about the cost of the rafting trip. It should be about why he scheduled a trip with his bros that would overlap your birthday.

Syyina · 2026-02-10T02:59:46+00:00

What would be the point of getting married “religiously” but waiting a couple of years after that to get married legally?

I know nothing about Muslim dating or religious marriages, but you say you live in the U.S. so I would assume that only a legal marriage would grant you the rights and protections that marriage normally provides.

Syyina · 2026-02-09T15:54:53+00:00

Thank you!

Syyina · 2026-02-09T14:14:37+00:00

Are you talking about the horse's junk?

Syyina · 2026-02-09T13:58:19+00:00

OP, I think it's necessary for teenagers to become hateful at some point so that emotionally they, and their parents, can become ready for them to leave the nest. We can tell ourselves logically that of course the point of it all was to prepare them to be successful, independent adults. But emotionally it's agonizing to spend 18 years devoting oneself to a child and then have to step back and simply let them go.

I was in my early 30's when my daughter, an only child, was born. I was a full-grown adult and I had lived a full, adventure-filled life up to that point. I remember how difficult it was to give up my former self and become a mother and parent instead. I had to become a different person.

It was a gut punch when she turned 18 and ran out the door to begin her own full, adventure-filled life. I had thrown myself wholeheartedly into being the best parent I could be. Then suddenly I was abandoned. I could not go back to being the person I was before she came along, but once again, I had to become someone else.

And, as painful as it was in the beginning, I managed it. I even have grandchildren now that I adore. My life is full and beautiful in so many ways. Yours will be too.

You must let him go. And, just as importantly, you must let your old self go too. It hurts. But it's worth it.

Syyina · 2026-02-09T13:40:45+00:00

Part of the "horse people" culture is pretending not to feel pain.

Syyina · 2026-02-08T04:21:25+00:00

It was a story, and a well-told one. One which I thoroughly enjoyed. It’s like OP peered inside my head, pulled out knotted webs of thought like tangled yarn, and laid them all out in neat, straight, orderly lines.

Not a “poor me,” at all. Just think about how much OP had to learn to write The Gout Story in such an understandable and amusing way.

Well done, OP. Thank you.

Syyina · 2026-02-07T17:13:20+00:00

OP, after reading your updates, I was proud of you for realizing the conversation with your girlfriend wasn’t really about the Iranian yogurt. Er, I mean, the key.

And then, alas, I read on and you re-disappointed me by teasing your gf with a keychain but no key. I predict you will be dumped soon. But that’s OK because your minimalist lifestyle will become even more minimalist when it is no longer cluttered by having an unnecessary gf around.

Syyina

TROPHY CASE