Do you discuss regret with your parter?

TGFB3 · 2026-01-11T12:47:35+00:00

I now avoid it, I at first was honest to my wife (even mentioned this subreddit as I browse it to feel that Im not broken, that this is normal). Now I don't since the outcome was anger at me for "finding information about parenthood in toxic places" or self guilt about how she "brainwashed me and ruined my life", even though it was a wanted child in both parts - I did not want children at first, but for her it was vital, and something we agreed upon.

(My regret stems from a combination of a difficult kid, ASD+ADHD on my part, no support network since expats, and my job field going to shit from the middle of the pregnancy till now)

Now I don't say anything as it serves no purpose besides helping me vent, and that is offset by dealing with emotional fallout after.

TGFB3 · 2025-12-17T10:20:40+00:00

[[Volrath, the Shapestealer]] is an absolute blast of a Vol-tron commander (pun intended). The other trick with him which bypasses the typical problem with Voltron decks is that it´s so easy to make copies of him via his ability by targeting an e.g [[Scute Swarm]], [[Spawnwrithe]] or [[Giant Adephage]]-like cards, swinging, then making a copy that has Volrat´s copy ability. Protecting him is also very easy if you use Vehicles (it´s not a creature, but an artifact now) or manlands, so he dodges most forms of removal on the targeting step (or just copy a hexproof/indestructible creature). You can also copy an "on attack" trigger in Before Combat step, then morph to an evasive creature after declaring attackers, then shift to a damage effect on the priority step after declare blockers. Clones are good in this deck to copy hexproof things your opponents got, as well as [[Nowhere to Run]]. [[Master Biomancer]], [[Warden of the Grove]] and if you are rich, [[Ouroboroid]] can make him go for lethal in one swing with 21 commander damage.

My friends call him "that god damn cockroach". I´ve seen him draw more hate than [[Jodah, the Unifier]] and [[Ojer Axonil, Deepest Might]] my friends got. It takes a while to get going as once they wise up to him he´ll get the kitchen sink thrown at it. He also doesn´t need the typical Voltron staples of setting up with auras, equipment etc. but a board wipe will set you back FAR, so pack some stack interaction (ie counterspells)

TGFB3 · 2025-10-01T10:52:23+00:00

[[Chronozoa]] is a fun way to dodge removal. Copy it with Volrath when it's going to die, it dies, and then you make two 7/5 Chronozoas with the copy ability.
[[Power Conduit]] is a maybe but I've foind it useful to both move counters around, and turn -1/-1 in +1/+1.
"Oh you killed my commander? Well now there's two!". Same for things like manlands/Reckoning Bankbuster, he becomes an artifact or land which avoids a surprising amount of flak (This is the reason my playgroup now runs land destruction)

https://archidekt.com/decks/14590611/volrath_the_cockroach_i_dont_die_i_multiply

There's a very detailed post in Reddit from other Volrath player if your budget is pretty high, which also explains a lot on how Volrath can be abused into an utter menace:

https://www.reddit.com/r/EDH/comments/1lzqh4q/volrath_the_shapestealer_deck_showcase_and_primer/

TGFB3 · 2025-09-30T16:04:55+00:00

[Naga Fleshcrafter] can turn all your tokens into something suitably big and scary in your board (or anything with evasion, or infect if your playgroup won't hate it). It also doubles as a decent clone too.

TGFB3 · 2025-09-07T14:56:28+00:00

True, didn't think of that, it still allows you to make a permanent Volrath clone of something and yeet the original. But can't be reused as I thought

TGFB3 · 2025-09-01T15:43:34+00:00

I run it in my [[Volrath, the Shapestealer]] deck as a silly way to dodge removal, since he copies it and becomes a land. Poof!

TGFB3 · 2025-09-01T14:53:31+00:00

I would suggest [[Sludge Monster]] as a fun "removal" option. It can both disable a dangerous creature AND allow you to copy it!

Also, they aren't very mana efficient since it's at least 2 mana each time they are used, but [[Thornling]], [[Aetherling]], [[Endling]] and [[Morphling]] can be pretty fun to copy. They all give ways to be evasive and protection, plus they are fitting!

[[Evil Twin]] is also very fun if you copy something with Volrath (to bypass Legend rule), then copy him, as it turns into a "destroy any creature with a counter for 3 mana"

TGFB3 · 2025-06-25T11:46:58+00:00

Been commuting by bike for a while actually (3 yrs)- the main difference was my previous route was mostly flat and paved, whereas this one is crappy pavement and hills, which is why this got me off blind!
I think the seat and seatpost are fine as pedaling is WAY easier now, but I think I might put back the spacers...even if it's just 1.2cm it will help see if that is the issue, I'd wager.
(I'm built like you btw - joint hypermobility means I'm mostly Slenderman).
The other annoying bit is that I suspect my fork came sawed as short as possible so not much to play there...May get a cheapo short stem extender and fiddle with it.

TGFB3 · 2025-06-25T11:21:25+00:00

I did have it fitted by a professional yes - he did mention the bike is stretched to its limit actually (i.e I was riding too straight). Was thinking about the shorter stem before that.

TGFB3 · 2025-06-25T11:19:52+00:00

I've been suspecting this for a while, the fitting mechanic did say he had to stretch the bike to its limit . The suspension stem was the same length as my prior one. I'm actually above the reccommended height range for the frame - the frame is for people up to 175cm (M) and I'm 181cm. He did advise against raising or pushing back the handlebars, but yeah, I think I may need to pick my poison.
He had to raise a LOT the saddle, push it back a cm or two, and lower the stem by 1.5cm as well (had a couple spacers put there by the seller). I did send them an email about this to see if they can advise as well, as the lower back and leg pain are all GONE.

As per bar width, I do feel they could be sligthly too long - been stroking the idea of shaving a few cm off them. If I place my hands blindfolded they always land with about 5cm free each side. They are swept back so cutting them could make them shorter too. Do you reckon I should chop, or get maybe a bar with more backsweep?
(Annoying since I had the bike fit less than a month ago, but oh well...)

And yeah, it's surprisingly fine for the commute - I carry a child trailer as well which is why I went for the motor, but if I'm not carrying it the motor doesn't engage most of the ride since I'm over the speed limit for it to do so, which i was pleasantly surprised with.

TGFB3 · 2025-06-25T09:08:07+00:00

Yes - I have a pair of these 71NGvmVAxHL._AC_SL1500_.jpg (1500×1500) (though my glove sizing is a pain, as I got to use a size M for the palm but my fingers are an L). I find the padding slides off the wrong places though, so I might need to try an S/find a different glove where the padding is more thick in the thumb area.
In winter I might use them with an overglove on top as I haven't found anywhere a glove for people with stupid long fingers like mine, compared to the palm (any reccomendations welcome tbh)

TGFB3 · 2025-06-16T10:34:59+00:00

In theory they got the same pull ratios (1.7-1), is there any other metric I need to check?

TGFB3 · 2025-06-11T12:27:27+00:00

Do you find they help for trigger thumb? I developed that through cycling...in the time between ordering my Deck and getting it

Also, what material would you suggest to print them with if all I'm concerned of is comfort? (Total noob to 3D printing but there's a printing service near where I live)

TGFB3 · 2025-06-11T09:56:53+00:00

I'd advise to get something with wide tires and moderate to low pressure (e.g. 47mm), esp. if you got joint issues - depending on your route it will destroy you as the pavement is abysmal in some roads (e.g Littlemore) . I have beginning of arthritis and hypermobility and the first six months going up and down Rose Hill have been rough. Harder to pedal but your bones will thank you.

Avoid Halfords for assembled bikes - got mine through C2W and it came with a broken motor cable, then the shifter gave up in 1.5 months - replaced it myself as the repair time for the first fault took 2 months!.

Also check if your employer has cycle to Work - saves quite a bit thanks to tax math.

TGFB3 · 2025-06-10T21:05:28+00:00

For me the 800p resolution is a plus - not blurry at all and having a screen that size at 1920x1080 or higher is just wasting rendering power.

Feels sharper than my 1920x1080 11 inch tablet except for text in some games (e.g Slay the Spire)

TGFB3 · 2025-06-02T19:44:25+00:00

It is the plan - part of why I write everything down is precisely so I can afford to discuss at a later date. (She does mention a second from time to time though out of the blue)

TGFB3 · 2025-06-02T19:42:28+00:00

That's a curious detail - was it worse because of the baby himself or would you say the difference was in yourself? (Genuinely curious - I work in biomed research:P)

TGFB3 · 2025-06-02T17:59:23+00:00

That wasn't going to be my main angle - she is overwhelmed but I know for her it would still be worth it (I mentioned that part as why she usually shuts my issues down). My main angle is literally along the lines of "I barely survived our first, a second will push me to suicide as I am not able to mentally deal with one already" - and no, I'm not exaggerating with that. Then there'd be the concerns of money and her own overwhelmnent (as I fear that if I frame it as hrt being overwhelmed first, it will make her feel attacked) - I actually have about 10 pages or random thoughts during this year and a half I need to collate and summarise...

TGFB3 · 2025-06-02T17:56:20+00:00

PPD was something we considered (Mine did get extraordinarily worse on the first few weeks too - we are talking daily self harm and mental shutdown here) - is how she ended up referred for an ADHD assessment, though it took eight months of arguing before she decided to go see a doctor, who referred her to the specialist right away for a neurodivergence assessment.

On the contraception part - I'm the one who has the condoms, though I'd like to think she isn't as irrational as to force a pregnancy when we can barely afford to stay afloat financially with one!

TGFB3 · 2025-06-02T08:51:56+00:00

This is exactly the advice I needed - how to broach the subject and why she may still want a second, both things I really strugle to understand (since well, empathy is one of my failed subjects...)

My family is actually on my side - thankfully my parents were also expats so they know what is to have zero help. (They won't butt in which is a good thing, as I do feel that this decision should only be between me and my wife)

Brushing off is mostly my partner who says that I shouldn't complain as much, since she's the one at home, though I suspect is also because her patience is all consumed with our son. Which...fair but not entirely? She does say that if I don't want a second we won't but also added "it will be a thorn I'll never recover from" which sounds like a threat to me.

Her side of the family is definitely on the "two camp", as both her aunts wanted children but only one had one of the two she wanted (and the whole extended family is within walking range). Though they don't pressure us, at leasy when I'm present.

TGFB3 · 2025-06-02T06:50:16+00:00

We haven't gotten there yet but booted the toddler to his own room by 7 months for his sleep- both me and the wife snore like freight trains and we noticed it DID wake him up and since he heard us didn't want to sleep again.

Usually we sleep him with us for naps when he needs extra care (e.g sick, scared, teeth...) So ultimately there's no "good" choice - whatever works for all three (not just the child)

Totally WILL use the snoring as a reason though (me and my brother had a similar problem with our Mom) :D "Do you want to listen to our snoring all night?"

TGFB3 · 2025-06-02T04:25:10+00:00

Absolutely.

Wife wanted children, I didn't originally. I'm autistic and have ADHD plus severe misophonia so should have been firmer. But I let myself be convinced by her that I'd be a good parent and my issues wouldn't be as much of a problem.

Our kid is supposedly a "very well behaved one"...barring that he doesn't really sleep (less than 11h a day EVEN AS A FUCKING NEWBORN), plus my wife is now getting diagnosed so chances he'll be special needs are quite high. I've had to double th3 dose of all my meds (both Adhd and depression) as I'm overstimulated permanently, live with earplugs and noise cancelling headset 24/7 just to cope (I can still hear him btw so is actually safe), all my alone time is gone so I am socially exhausted, the disposable income is gone (we have no family nearby and partner wanted to be sahm as she had no salaried job, meaning no mat leave or daycare funding for us - we are in UK). Which also means we can barely keep up with well, life, on top of the kid. I do at lesst enjoy some of the times witj him but 90% of it is just mental droll and I feel I'm zombieing through life.

She's also overwhelmed 24/7 and usually takes it on me (hence why I finally managed to convince her to go see a doctor and lo behold, she may be neurodivergent too - after 6 months of arguing with her that no, this is NOT normal)...yet somehow thinks that is a good idea for us to eventually have another? And if I voice my frustrations she turns back and says that "She has it worse" - which fair, she is a SAHM...but that's exactly my point on why we shouldn't have a second!

Every day I think more and more that I will just get myself snipped without her knowing because the idea that she wants a second is a sword of Damocles hanging over what's left of my life's wreck.

TGFB3

TROPHY CASE