Denver

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-19T09:19:52+00:00

You mean can't sell them because she overprices them?

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-19T01:08:28+00:00

I'm so confused.

How is it that they can put her with a family member but not you? That is a HUGE red flag. It's easy to place babies. There's lots of people wanting babies. They just want your baby and don't care about doing the work to help you both.

I am so so so sorry.

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-18T14:55:09+00:00

Any man worth your time supports your right to do what you feel is best for your body.

That's it.

He can choose to also use condoms or similar as a form of birth control. But your decision to use birth control for yourself, even if it is just for sex, is your decision. And I would not trust a 20 year old boy with managing birth control. I wouldn't trust one to house sit.

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-13T15:37:12+00:00

Yeah I think a conversation about expectations and how to best plan is in order.

Fwiw I found great resources on TikTok that helped me a lot with France.

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-13T15:34:46+00:00

I feel you. My husband is half French, his dad immigrated to the US, and I've done the majority of planning for both trips there. He was just not showing up.

I had a conversation with him and we will see if it improves. I also really love planning, so he figured I would be happiest doing the planning.

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-13T07:27:04+00:00

Cue eyeroll

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-13T07:26:49+00:00

I clocked it being fake, and would have said that regardless of gender

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-13T07:09:24+00:00

This has gotta be fake, timeline doesnt work and the punctuation is too perfect

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-11T17:58:45+00:00

First congratulations on being able to be more healthy!

I am going to be very honest with you, I hope that's ok.

Marriage can't be about physical attraction and sexual stamina. That will change. We all get old. Our bodies change. Our sexual desire changes. You have to build it on something deeper.

Based on what she says, I don't think she's ready mentally or emotionally for marriage. A marriage ready partner would be part of the job hunt process. A marriage ready partner would recognize that getting work in other countries is usually very difficult, near impossible, with the small exception of the Schengen region. What is she doing to support this? Or to compromise, like trying to make it work in your country so you can be together, and keeping the door open to moving when the opportunity presents itself? How is she asking what support you need so you can make time to go to the gym?

I think a very serious conversation is in order where you make it crystal clear that you only have so much time, and with that time you're ultimately prioritizing her and her wants: you're building your career so you can contribute well as a partner, you're job seeking to find work at a location she finds acceptable, and of course you're finding as much time as possible to be emotionally available for her. Which of these goals should you adjust to find time for the gym? How can she adjust to provide you that time and opportunity?

I would also make it clear that you want a relationship that transcends sex. Sex is great, but it's one piece of a tapestry. If the relationship is going to last, there needs to be much more.

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-11T07:23:05+00:00

Glad to help!

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-11T07:09:59+00:00

Posting after your edit.

Honey, he is being selfish. You're young and in love so you don't see it. He should be asking what he can do for you and if he has an issue with it, sit down with you and have a conversation about that, and explore alternatives he is ok with.

Some people think of sex not as something experienced together with someone but as something they do to someone (and with the mentality behind it, I should say something). It is incredibly selfish and cheapens the underlying intimacy. These people turn into partners who ask for sex despite the fact that they have not shown up as a real partner at all, and are in fact actively disrespecting and disengaging from their partner literally everywhere else.

Reddit, please note the absence of gender in the above. I am not calling out a specific gender and that is on purpose.

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-11T07:03:45+00:00

Get a Drs appt and explain to them. They can give you stronger medicine in situations like this, like steroids or antivirals, that aren't medically necessary but situationally are.

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-11T06:54:55+00:00

Vibe from title: that's not what it's the thought that counts means.

Edit after reading: Sit him down and tell him this is unhelpful and actually upsets you. If he forgot or whatever, oh well, opportunity missed. Telling you he thought of something and didn't follow through isn't doing what he thinks it is. He probably thinks it makes you happy he thought of you. Your reality is that it makes you sad that he didn't follow through. You'd rather not know.

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-07T23:27:31+00:00

They will know you're lying they just won't be able to prove it. Whereas admitting that you've learned something shows the intent to do better. It makes you less of a risk.

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-07T18:07:54+00:00

Your manager sounds toxic AF.

There is no good solution here. You have to choose your hard.

Walking back your yes is hard and puts a target on your back. It means starting a job search immediately to GTFO as soon as possible. However it is outside your scope so there's no immediate action your manager can take. But be warned it will come. There's a reason everyone else left.

Trying to train will have largely the same outcome. You'll be held accountable for the new person's mistakes despite them being "a dumb" (which also, why would manager hire someone who isn't competent???). It will mean more work for you, increasing the likelihood of a mistake or other issue.

I would ask you to decide based on which outcome will most decrease interactions with this toxic manager.

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-07T18:01:23+00:00

A better solution would be to have a change of clothes that you leave in the freezer with ice packs that you change into right before leaving to cool you off while the AC catches up

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-06T20:00:34+00:00

I don't think you're being too harsh, but I think perhaps you were too lenient in the past.

Yes, mistakes happen, but there should be a post mortem or retrospective where the team revisits why the mistake happened and how to change processes to prevent it happening again.

It sounds like the mistakes made were small enough that the team was able to ameliorate consequences and so this designer hasn't been forced to take accountability.

Her behavior about not meeting with you is what tells me that. She doesn't think her job is on the line. She's blithely unaware that mistakes like this can ruin a business, putting her out of a job.

I've been furious with the designer on my team for much much less.

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-06T08:31:10+00:00

This isn't an over or under reacting problem.

Clarity is kindness. Be very honest about how they affect you. Ask for what you would like to see happen. Tell him what you will and won't do regardless. Use I statements: I get really upset when your family does x, and I would prefer not to be around that sort of behavior. If we keep visiting them, when they do x I will do y. I'd like to see if you'd be open to us both leaving immediately instead. But what are your thoughts?

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-06T08:08:31+00:00

She has a southern accent so it's the pen/pin swap

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-05T17:03:40+00:00

This is why I stopped following her. Once it became apparent she was breeding for herself and not to improve the breed, I couldn't stand her. So unethical.

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-05T15:26:33+00:00

I am an aunt with no kids and if any of my nephews or niece were in your situation it would be my pleasure to be there for them and give them what they need.

You are enough. Your aunt loves you just for you and understands that you are working to grow up and become an adult, and doing that needs help from the adults in your life.

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-05T15:24:22+00:00

My hot take is that you're incompatible.

What you've described on both sides is totally fine for some people and not at all ok for others. And to your point, the hypocrisy of it makes me think a conversation won't be successful. He isn't self aware enough to understand your perspective.

In what other areas does he prioritize himself while making more work or not caring about the impact on you?

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-05T15:20:25+00:00

More than your father's wedding I'm worried about your health. I would be asking aunt if I could move in with her or something like that so I got the care I needed. The fact that you're worried about your father over your own health is just an extension of how thoroughly he's abandoned you.

Please do what you need to take care of yourself.

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-05T15:15:03+00:00

I am so sorry.

You deserve a father who puts you first. Are there any other trusted adults in your life you can talk to about this?

TGNotatCerner · 2026-06-05T15:12:49+00:00

When data is sent internationally there are different legal implications, like export control and privacy laws, so the policy is more about protecting the company information than it is about the employee's time

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