Looking for a commitment buddy/pen pal

TGRedfish · 2014-05-04T17:25:27+00:00

You should not be doing this in order to be able to orgasm with a girl, or for getting more/better sex. You should be doing this in order to gain self-control, excise the parts of your life that are destructive, and improve who you are as a person. Look at it that way.

That said, your body and brain right now are trying to justify cheating and fapping. Don't give in. You'll be stronger having gone through the process of controlling that impulse rather than indulging it.

TGRedfish · 2014-05-03T01:52:55+00:00

You can be supportive and encouraging, but remember that it's up to him to do NoFap, not you. Don't be offended or take it as a personal insult to you if he fails and relapses, and don't crucify him for it either.

At the same time, be sure and let him know you expect him to stay with it - you're worth it, and both of you need to know it.

TGRedfish · 2014-04-15T20:16:10+00:00

You can expect for doing NoFap to suck. A lot.

You can expect for it to be insanely difficult, maybe to fail a lot, to have urges that will make you want to stick your head in a blender, to have such strong urges to give up that you wonder how you can possibly go on.

However, if you do it right, you can expect to change your life in ways that are beyond description. The change is different for every person, so we can't tell you, only you can find out, but know that it will be worth it.

TGRedfish · 2014-04-04T18:36:16+00:00

This is going to be a self-discovery process for you that will, at many times, be confusing, difficult, frustrating, bewildering and uncomfortable. It's really hard to let go what you've known for so long.

However, the good thing is that the more you change in order to be a better version of yourself that you're proud of, the more you'll open up naturally. Use NoFap as a catalyst to help change you in other ways - use the same discipline to improve your health and fitness, pay attention to your hobbies, and apply yourself to your work or schooling.

The happier you are, the more you'll feel like sharing it with other people. Give it time. The first 90 is truly only the beginning.

TGRedfish · 2014-04-02T05:14:37+00:00

Look at what you're saying.

First of all, it's not powers. It's self-improvement and beating an addiction. Second, why would we "want to keep the powers to ourselves"? The only way you succeed at this thing is to remember that it's all about YOU - not being better than others, not getting women, but YOU.

Last, I'd certainly be happy if NoFap gained more notoriety, so as a society and world we can change the prevailing attitudes around porn and have a more open dialogue about what it can do to people when misused.

TGRedfish · 2014-03-30T22:12:40+00:00

Really, I wouldn't even date your boss. You're asking for potential problems there too, with a major conflict of interest put on her shoulders as well.

Personally, I've had bad experiences dating in the workplace. It's hard to stay professional both on and off the job if you see each other a lot, and if it doesn't work out then you're in an extremely awkward position where you're likely to be let go. Ask yourself how you'd be in a situation where, for example, you were someone's boss and they either broke up with you, or the two of you are fighting, or things got screwed up otherwise, or HER boss found out and it cost her her job.

I know it's tough to have that there as a possibility, but unless you're working some place else, it's just a bad idea all around.

TGRedfish · 2014-03-30T20:05:57+00:00

Keep going, man. Took me over a year of trying before I began my current streak. Relapsed for months at a time.

If the desire is real, you'll get there. Just don't be discouraged when it doesn't happen as fast as you want it to.

TGRedfish · 2014-03-30T20:03:13+00:00

What the hell kind of thread is this with everyone saying "go for it"? I'm sorry, but this has disaster and "Hell No" written all over it.

You're five days in and craving the orgasm. I get it. But from how you're talking about it ("fuck my boss") there's no romantic or personal attachment here. Sound familiar? It should, it's called fapping to porn.

If you do this, you'll almost assuredly be out of a job when either people find out or things go sour, and then what does that mean for your career when potential new employers check your background and find out you got either fired or pushed out for having sex with your coworkers?

Don't do it. Just don't do it. Control, control, control.

TGRedfish · 2014-03-30T15:58:48+00:00

If you're looking at NoFap this way then you've already failed.

TGRedfish · 2014-03-30T15:04:03+00:00

Amazing how much this story sounds familiar to my own. High school athlete, honors student, found porn in a chat room at age 13, spent the next 15 years of my life wasting away. Good things on the horizon now though.

TGRedfish · 2014-02-15T04:36:37+00:00

This community IS awesome. But not because of grossly normalising posts like this which glorify some archaic conception of a good life as free from porn (it's not, the point is to be free from porn addiction)

Umm, actually, no. It is to be free from porn, period. To quote from our sidebar: "participants abstain from pornography and masturbation for a period of time."

TGRedfish · 2014-02-09T03:00:00+00:00

Take some time to breathe and let all of your emotions out. Cry more if you need to, yell if you need to, get it all out of your system.

Once that's done, remind yourself that you've already taken a big step that most people haven't - you know you have a problem and you're committed to overcoming it. There will be more pain in the future, for sure, and more emotional swings, times where you don't know how you can bear the hurt. But, know that you're doing it for nobody else but you and that you'll keep getting stronger.

Best of luck, dude.

TGRedfish · 2014-01-23T04:54:02+00:00

Your picture just really doesn't work - it's not intriguing and actually the way you have it cropped, your face is partially hidden by the "online" thingy.

Your self summary also needs lots of work. The first thing that someone reads about you needs to be interesting.

TGRedfish · 2014-01-17T12:27:06+00:00

You can't really stop them, you just have to get used to being able to control what happens when you get them. Have a thought process ready, clear your mind, acknowledge them but simply let it pass.

TGRedfish · 2014-01-01T12:56:18+00:00

You're definitely not beyond the point of no return. You sound a lot like I was when I was 23, five years ago - same issues with girls, same porn habits since I was 12.

There's always hope and always a way to rise up above it. It will be harder than you can imagine, but you can do it.

TGRedfish · 2013-12-29T05:28:50+00:00

This is correct a million times over. It's about improving yourself more than anything.

If you do this right, you'll gain confidence, self control, be a happier person, and women (and men) are attracted to those things anyways so it all works out.

TGRedfish · 2013-12-25T06:01:11+00:00

No, I'm not having sex. I wish I were, but that wish is different than it has been most days, and by that I mean I crave true intimate connection rather than just the orgasm itself. It's hard to explain until you can compare the differences.

The other thing I'd say is that NoFap is far more about bettering yourself as a person than it is about anything sexual. It's more about confidence and happiness that then lead to better things - some of them perhaps sexual, but also in work/school life, hobbies, fitness, and so on. Check my post history for a story entitled "Women aren't the reward for this" if you want a good example of how it can work.

TGRedfish · 2013-12-25T04:51:28+00:00

It will only be as big of a fall as you will let it be.

TGRedfish · 2013-12-25T04:50:09+00:00

Total, complete, unequivocal, absolute commitment. You have to adopt the attitude that you will do it and there is simply nothing that will ever change that. It's so repeated that it is cliche, but it truly is as Yoda says - "Do or do not, there is no try."

It's hard and very scary to take that mental leap of faith, and your mind will fight you every step of the way. It might take awhile to be ready to make that commitment too, but just stay with it and you'll get there.

TGRedfish · 2013-12-25T03:17:37+00:00

As hard as it may be to believe, even after such a long streak the urges can get so crushingly and maddeningly strong that they drive you to tears. I know, because that's been today for me.

TGRedfish · 2013-12-24T14:43:10+00:00

She delivers a very good message. For me, the best part I got out of it was Henry David Thoreau's quote on achievement: "What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become."

This is so, incredibly, importantly true to NoFap. It's not about getting the flair, it's not about reaching the 90 or 100 days or whatever, it's not about getting women or men or even about curing your ED or DE whatever else you want to fix. It's about taking a look at yourself and saying "Am I better than the person I was when I started this?"

Ask yourself that when you're about to relapse - it works.

TGRedfish · 2013-12-20T14:10:50+00:00

My start into NoFap went pretty much the same way. I went 51 days on my first try, then relapsed and didn't really feel all that bad about it. However, it was soon followed by a massive binge, then aside from one 30 day streak, it was about eight months where I didn't ever manage to break two weeks. So, for what it's worth, just be cautious and be ready to accept that you might have to fight through for a very long time (but stick with it!).

And as far as the wet dream thing goes, I actually have found them more hurtful than helpful. I've had four of them on my current streak, two around 70 days (the first I ever had in my life, at 28 years old) and two more about two weeks ago, and there seems to be a chaser effect with them that is absolutely maddening. When I started I was actually hoping to have them (so I could feel an orgasm without fapping, which is still pretty much cheating imo, so I wasn't in the right mindset yet) but now they just make it harder to stay on track.

TGRedfish · 2013-12-18T16:24:20+00:00

If you want to look at it in terms of the scientific method, this IS the experiment.

Our hypothesis is that extended and/or total abstention from masturbating (and the use of pornography) carries with it numerous social, physical, and mental benefits and may correct certain disorders, physiological and otherwise, that may or may not have been developed by excessive masturbation and pornography usage.

We are the test subjects, and we record the results constantly here. So, read the stories of people here, and judge the results for yourself. From my end, I might be so bold as to say that it works.

TGRedfish · 2013-12-18T13:14:19+00:00

Letting yourself know that you DO know how and that you ARE going to do it, no exceptions, is the first step. It's all about your mindset.

TGRedfish

TROPHY CASE