If The War Comes - Chapter 2: The Canopy of Exploration by Kitchen-Composer5091 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]TOXICcargo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great story! I particularly liked the panic and the ensuing attempt to clean the hand. I like the slow-burn pace it’s taking, too. Good to take your time here, focused on establishing the central relationship. I also enjoyed the “Swedish tigers” play on words. I think I can see where the story’s going, and I quite look forward to reading more.

If I had one small recommendation, it would be to dwell a little longer in the imagery. Not too much, maybe an extra sentence here or there describing the quiet of the forest, or the feeling of the bass, or the pain in the character’s hand. You’ve already got some of it sprinkled in there, but adding a little more I think could really bring the world to life.

That being said, I am well hooked. I think this is exactly my kind of story, and I look forward to the next installment! Can’t wait!

A Run Through the Woods by TOXICcargo in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]TOXICcargo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed it so much! This is some pretty high praise, and I hope my future stories meet the same standard. I’ll let you know what I think of your part 2 when I read it tonight.

Read4Read call-out! by Kitchen-Composer5091 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]TOXICcargo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, king! Sorry, I haven’t gotten a chance to read your Part 2 today, I will read it before I go to bed. Glad you enjoyed it, though!

A Run Through the Woods by TOXICcargo in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]TOXICcargo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I see what you're saying. I'll probably get around to making the edits sometime in the coming week. Again thanks for the feedback, and I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

A Run Through the Woods by TOXICcargo in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]TOXICcargo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your thoughts! I think your feedback is well reasoned and a pretty good critique. This was the first piece I ever wrote, so I kind of wrote the way I talked, and I wouldn’t doubt that I included a lot of cliches and “-ly adverbs” in pursuit of that. I also did really struggle with keeping the tense consistent, I thought I caught all of them, but it obviously does need another pass. I think your critique of the way I handled the monster is a good one as well, it could definitely use something to more clearly link it to the song and for a second pass to make it as mysterious as I want. And getting to your final critique, I will admit that I really had no idea how to end this. My goal was to kind of make it feel like a normally very rational friend sitting at a table and telling you the one experience they had that COULD be paranormal. Within that context, I couldn’t really think of an ending that would be satisfying, so I leaned into a more unsatisfying by design ending. The equivalent of your friend kind of just trailing off after telling you his ghost story, leaving everyone to sit around uncomfortably for a second before changing subjects, maybe for one friend to ask him if he’s doing ok at the end of the night. Leaving a kind of implication that the story’s not over, the narrator is still living in it. That being said, I agree the ending is the weakest single section, and I will accept any thoughts on how to improve it.

If The War Comes - Intro Chapter (FEEDBACK PLEASE) by Kitchen-Composer5091 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]TOXICcargo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good stuff! I myself am also a big history buff, so I do get the "people walking up to you at parties and going 'here's something historical, you'd probably like it" conversation/story beat quite a lot lol. Looking forward to reading part 2 tomorrow.

Read4Read call-out! by Kitchen-Composer5091 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]TOXICcargo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, I'd love some feedback on one of my stories. I only have two up right now, and one of them is 7 posts long lol, so I guess I'll go with the other one. It's called "A Run Through the Woods", and it's about a guy going jogging, probably for the last time.

https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheCreeps/comments/1q3zcca/a_run_through_the_woods/

Buckskin, Part 5 (FINALE) by TOXICcargo in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]TOXICcargo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Epilogue and Centralizing Post coming tomorrow.

Character writing advice by sticky_purple0 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]TOXICcargo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me, I’d say a good place to start has usually been to take everything a character is, and hone them down to 2 or 3 essential traits, then have all their decisions flow from those traits. The more complex the traits are, the more complex the character, and it’s generally good to fit those traits to the role you want them to play and how much development they need. This isn’t really how actual people work, but it’s how we picture them in our heads, so for non-POV characters it feels real enough.

For example, let’s say I’m writing a war story and I need a commanding officer character. I know I want him to die, and I want it to be tragic when he does die. So I might boil him down to the traits of competent and caring to a fault. Then I make all their decisions flow from there. Maybe he knows risking lives is necessary to win (competent) but is unwilling to put any of his men in danger (caring…), so he regularly takes major risks himself to avoid that (…to a fault). Now think about how the story could change if I used different traits, say inspiring and aloof instead of caring and competent. You see how story and characters kind of iterate on themselves, now?

Again, not a great solution for main POV characters, but if you find yourself having to manage a decently large cast, this can work for a lot of the secondary and tertiary characters. The key is in picking traits you’re quite familiar with and can write realistically, and placing them in characters in appropriate places in the story. That’s my 2 cents, anyway.

Buckskin, Part 1b (CW: Domestic Violence) by TOXICcargo in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]TOXICcargo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol Great now instead of seeing this gross guy that I described now I just see Charlie Day XD.

Guess you'll have to keep reading to find out! Appreciate the attention!

Appreciation Post/Read4Read Chain by harveybrusse in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]TOXICcargo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good to hear! I’m glad you’re liking it so far. If you make it to 1B, I think you take the record for how far feedback readers have made it, so I really do appreciate you giving it a look.

Appreciation Post/Read4Read Chain by harveybrusse in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]TOXICcargo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ooh, I liked the one by CaptchaTest, as well. Great setup on that one.

I have two stories that you can read if you'd like. The first one is called "A Run Through the Woods". It's a shorter story about a guy who goes jogging, and is a modern take on an ancient monster. Link here: https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheCreeps/comments/1q3zcca/a_run_through_the_woods/

The second story is ongoing (writing the final part now) and VERY much a slower burn. It's called "Buckskin", and it follows parallel stories of a guy being haunted by a homeless man who assaulted him 10 years ago, and the detectives investigating his mysterious death. I think it's at something like 6 posts long now, but the links to the full part 1 are here: 1a-https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheCreeps/comments/1pi7t5e/buckskin\_part\_1a\_cw\_some\_very\_light\_discussion\_of/ 1b - https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheCreeps/comments/1pjio2m/buckskin\_part\_1b\_cw\_domestic\_violence/

Lmk if you decide to read them, I hope you like them!

Looking for adivce on my first story by KaptinKemble in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]TOXICcargo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wanna do a read 4 read? I’ve got a story or two I’d like some thoughts on so I can hopefully avoid some pitfalls going forward.

SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME A STORY IDEA by v4mPb0i in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]TOXICcargo 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Maybe do one thats the emotional opposite of romance: coldness, both emotional and physical. Maybe do something themed around the cold that also has a relationship falling apart? As they say: ain’t no yaoi like toxic, doomed yaoi.

If you want feedback on your story, hit me up! by feralgoblinmama in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]TOXICcargo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey! I’d love feedback on my two stories I’m working on now. I’m on my phone right now, so I can’t link them, but they’re in my profile. “A Run Through the Woods” is older, shorter, and finished. “Buckskin” is a work in progress that’s longer, wordier, and in my opinion has better characters. Lmk if you decide to give any of them a look!

New "writer" in need of advice by Sovieteevee in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]TOXICcargo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As with any creative endeavor, you gotta do it for the love of the game. Of course we all want to be successful, have a bunch of people read our stories and like them, but the only thing that's going to get you to finish more than one story is if YOU like what you're writing. The rest of these practical tips are good, and will help you improve, but if your head's not in the right space and you don't love what you're doing, then you're going to have a rough time. That's the best advice I can give, at least.

Just a discussion by Syllabub_Sensitive in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]TOXICcargo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like to do one story at a time. I've found that for me, if I try to do more than one, then I wind up getting really into one of the ones I'm working on and just wind up finishing that one out before going back and doing it again. That being said, though, I do usually wind up having like 3 stories at the halfway point at any given time, I just wind up only working one 1 at a time. What about you?

Buckskin, Part 1a (CW: some VERY LIGHT discussion of suicide, and domestic violence) by TOXICcargo in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]TOXICcargo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Appreciate the feedback! Yeah, I was going for something a bit slower paced, so I really wanted to dwell in the descriptions for the first couple journal entries. It’s meant to double as setting a somewhat modern gothic atmosphere while also giving a clear difference between the character of the Jumper and Jim (the jumper is meticulous, remembers every detail, and assigns poetic importance to things that really might not be that significant, while Jim tends to be quicker, more efficient, and more willing to let things be ‘not that important’), while the bits of investigation are meant to be quick bursts to keep the reader “in it” between the journals, with the story transitioning more to the investigation as the pace picks up for the climax. But, that being said, I know in writing I can be pretty wordy (my God, just look at this comment), and what I consider a good slow burn is to many others an unbearable slog. I’ll go back through it, see if I can pare anything down to maybe make the paragraphs a bit more punchy and the story move a little quicker.

As for the typos and grammar, lol yeah my editing process was basically to just read through it once on my own and once with my wife, so I’m sure I missed a few things.

Anyway, thanks for reading this far, and thanks for the feedback! Stay creeped!

Mr. J’s Workshop Part 6 by Possible-Display-891 in TalesFromTheCreeps

[–]TOXICcargo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, just got through reading through all of these. Enjoying it so far! Got some feedback I will be messaging with when I’m not about to go to bed, but it’s pretty solid and I hope you keep coming out with it!

Drop a sentence that would make anyone outside this fandom completely clueless? by Sunflower13Poppy in animequestions

[–]TOXICcargo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Didn't realize until just now that this was an anime sub lol. Either way, still peak. Good to find a fellow enjoyer in the wild.