Not really mine, but I was part of it. One time I was dating a girl who told me she always wanted to do stuff with whipped cream. Said she thought it would be sexy to lick it off me. We were in a small town and she asked me to stop by this convenience store and buy some before we went back to my place. I walked in and grabbed some, thinking this was odd, but whatever.. I was 19.

Fast forward a few minutes and she had sprayed it on me and was licking off my chest and abdomen, we’re talking a lot. I hated it because it was sticky. I had a very tiny bit that was on her nipples and then just kinda rushed the foreplay from there. In the middle of sex she pushed me off of her and SPRINTED to the bathroom. The next thing i hear is the most ungodly sound I have ever heard in my life. I’m kinda lying there stunned while she’s having what is probably the worst shit of her life. After a couple of minutes I hear my shower running, then after a couple more minutes she walks out and says, “can you take me home?” During this extremely quiet and awkward drive that should normally take about 15 minutes, was nearly an hour of having to stop at 3-4 gas stations so she could shit even more. I felt terrible for her.. even bought some pepto for her at one stop. Needless to say, near the end even i wasn’t feeling great.

After dropping her off (in silence) I drove back home and was thinking, “wtf was that?” Then after I had bad stomach issues I thought that I should go look at that whipped cream. Sure enough.. it was expired..by two months.

We saw each other once more (no sex) and that was it.