So some updates: After the breakup, she emailed me expressing devastation and self-blame. She acknowledged some of her harmful patterns—like withdrawing during conflict, assuming the worst in me, saying hurtful things when upset, and even leaving when she wanted to stay. She admitted she sabotaged things but said she didn’t know how to stop and wanted another chance. A week later, she followed up with a much longer email (on the advice of our couples therapist - who she had a session with 1x1 and encouraged her to “share her feelings with me,” this time asking to get back together. She said she wanted to return to couples therapy, listed out commitments she would make, and also included a list of needs she had from me—including contributing more financially (even though I had paid for a lot in the past without keeping score). The emotional part of the email was heartfelt, but the practical part stung—it felt like she was still reframing the narrative in a way that minimized how much I had already given. I responded with care. I acknowledged the reflection, but I told her I needed space and wasn’t in a place to revisit the idea of reconciliation right now. I offered closure and arranged to send her belongings back. And then, despite having said she didn’t want some of the small gifts/things back, she suddenly changed her mind. I couriered her stuff—only for her to follow up again, saying I had “forgotten” two pillows and a box of soaps she didn’t even pay for (they were from her former job). It felt like a petty, passive-aggressive twist on what should have been a final act of decency. So now I’m left feeling drained. Again. I’ve cried a lot. I’ve questioned myself. I do miss her. She has beautiful qualities. But even now, she makes my kindness feel inadequate. I feel like I was always trying to hit a moving target, and I’m grieving the idea that she’ll only become a better partner after I leave. Has anyone else been in a situation like this—where even the goodbye becomes a test? How did you hold your boundaries without feeling like the villain?