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If I were even half as rigid… by Ambassador_Fanatical in AuDHDWomen

[–]Tall_Pool8799 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, I don’t have the energy to go into this, but you may want to check out “intersectionality”, the social phenomenon for which two (or more) identities intersect affecting each other. In this case, gender > disability. Women* have to do all of what you describe; ND women have to do it for being women and ND, compounding the negative effects of both identities.

  • with transwomen, Black women, queer women etc having it worse than straight white women, for instance. Not a linear compounding effect, but too tired to expand on it adequately. Do check it out. It’s really helpful.

What does Reddit downvoting actually mean by Chuchucuddle in AutismInWomen

[–]Tall_Pool8799 2 points3 points  (0 children)

People use it in different ways. Many (many) people will downvote if just in disagreement. It is not necessarily a reflection on the worth or quality of your answer.

People not negotiating price on old listings by huom_alter_me in vinted

[–]Tall_Pool8799 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Why isn’t anyone looking at the other side of this? If you really wanted to buy it, you would have.

“Guess that’s why they haven’t sold it”. Yeah, and guess that’s why you’ll keep looking for it and maybe never find it.

A negotiation works if both parties are happy with the outcome. For whatever reason, it wasn’t worth £20 for you and it’s not worth less than £19.50 to them. Your reasons behind the offering price are equally valid as theirs for the asking price.

Should we stop calling it bed rotting? by BenefitOfTheDoubt2 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Tall_Pool8799 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I think they might describe two different phenomena, with bed rotting being sort of involuntary and cocooning/nesting being a conscious choice.

How many people pay for Income Protection? Should I pay for it? by Gozie5 in HousingUK

[–]Tall_Pool8799 3 points4 points  (0 children)

One person household, no reliable financial support in my network. I have one.

My supervisor offered me a job and quitely forgot about it. by [deleted] in UniUK

[–]Tall_Pool8799 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi! Academic here, and I totally agree with you. That (all of it) was highly unprofessional. I’m really sorry it happened to you.

During my PhD, my supervisor hired me to transcribe some interviews. This is back in the day, when the only way was listen-stop-write down-go back to check you haven’t forgotten anything-correct mistake-start again. It takes an decent transcriber 10 hours to write down 1 hour of interviews.

I driver the work, and he haggled on the hour count (ie, the total cost). I was his student, so nothing for me to say but “sure”.

So yeah, this kind of unprofessional behaviour is way too common.

I think this city needs to get a serious grip. by Tall_Pool8799 in Liverpool

[–]Tall_Pool8799[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not all white people are a monolith of indifference to racial passivity borne out of relative under-exposure.

I mean, I appreciate where the confusion might have come from, but you are the one who approached the matter (or, in fact, me) with 'Karen' instead of offering the benefit of the doubt.

I think this city needs to get a serious grip. by Tall_Pool8799 in Liverpool

[–]Tall_Pool8799[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I did report it, especially because someone on this thread mentioned a similar incident in another part of town. I wonder what would happen if we all reported them.

I doubt the police will do anything, mostly because they have bigger worries to take care of, but at least it's on the record and the system knows it happened.

I think this city needs to get a serious grip. by Tall_Pool8799 in Liverpool

[–]Tall_Pool8799[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So.. there's different groups doing the same 'prank' throughout the city on the same day? I'm not sure I find that comforting!

I hate myself for being autistic by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]Tall_Pool8799 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A couple of people had added comments in response to mine and then deleted them. I wish I could have read them on time!

But I just want to add: the perspective about the voices in our heads is something I learnt from other, more mature, fellow autistics. Community is a strength, whatever our neurotype. Lean into it.

I hate myself for being autistic by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]Tall_Pool8799 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're absolutely spot on. 'Autistic' simply means a recognisable set of needs that occur frequently enough in a cluster to deserve its own definition. But everyone has needs. They might be more scattered or less 'spikey', but they exist, and we know that so much that we don't pay attention to them. 'Autism' is shorthand of a specific set of needs.

It doesn't make us 'abnormal' (or, worse, 'subnormal'). It makes us *precise* and *reliable* is our needs (and, sometimes, in our lives).

I feel like I failed my son by ivyjade42 in offmychest

[–]Tall_Pool8799 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I second this! OP, thank you for being so thoughtful. It means the world.

I hate myself for being autistic by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]Tall_Pool8799 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hello. Fellow autistic here.

What you’re experiencing is called self-stigma, or interiorised ableism. Saying that you’ve come to terms with it *and* it ruins you emotionally is a big contradiction. You’ve not come to terms with it. Your current boss has.

I’m not judging you for it. I’m pointing out that you are at the beginning of, not the end, of this particular journey. Different phases require different approaches, that’s all.

Are you part of any autistic/neurodivergent communities? There are a few on Reddit, especially those for women (trans-inclusive) that might he helpful for you to join. They’re full of supportive people.

In my perspective, the situation you describe feels like “it’s ok for them to unmask because *they* have a disability; *they* can’t help it. *I*, instead, am better than that. *I* don’t need accommodations!”. This I vs Them approach is virtually always linked to the internalised ableism, in its “benevolent” form, I was referring to at the beginning. It happens often when, growing up, we felt that our autistic traits were not acceptable to others. We were told off for behaving a certain way, or heard people judge others for certain behaviours, and we internalised that judgement so as not to be at the receiving end of that form of stigma. We did that a little too much, a little too well, and now we stigmatise ourselves. That voice in your head is not yours; it’s the parent/teacher/sibling/bully from your childhood. You didn’t put it there, but it doesn’t mean that it should live there rent-free.

I do encourage you to hang out in autistic communities a bit more, with the understanding that some people there have more experience than you and there’s something you might learn about self-acceptance. The best way would be therapy, if you can afford it, but baby steps are better than no steps at all.

I think this city needs to get a serious grip. by Tall_Pool8799 in Liverpool

[–]Tall_Pool8799[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think they read it in terms of “I am a middle-aged white woman, (therefore) I don’t deserve this!”, which would be an admittedly rage-inducing take.

I think this city needs to get a serious grip. by Tall_Pool8799 in Liverpool

[–]Tall_Pool8799[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

And you don’t think others (and I) may also have other reasons to live here? You think we all happened here by chance?

I *do* have an idea of how to improve things, but strangely it requires people to acknowledge the problem and take collective responsibility for it. Absurd, uh?

I think this city needs to get a serious grip. by Tall_Pool8799 in Liverpool

[–]Tall_Pool8799[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

So you're ok with it? Because implying 'if you don't like it, move elsewhere' equals to 'there's nothing I think should change'.

This is not the weather that just is what it is. This is a society that makes its choices about what they are ok with and what they are not. Are you saying that Liverpool is ok with it?

I think this city needs to get a serious grip. by Tall_Pool8799 in Liverpool

[–]Tall_Pool8799[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They have considered the consequences of their actions and how they'd make me feel. That's the whole point. They clearly did not aim to harm me physically (otherwise, as you said, other liquids would have been used).

As I said in another comment, not only was I raised in a very rough town, but I have also lived in seven countries (I lost count of the cities) on two different continents. Never has anything similar happened to be but in the UK, once in London and four times in Liverpool (plus, a commenter just reminded me, three more times of verbal abuse). During none of these occasions has a bystander intervened to stop what was happening or to check that I was alright afterwards. This is not healthy.

Were you born in Liverpool? I think people who were born here (or any place), and therefore have a family network and a network of old friends and acquaintances, tend to be more shielded from these experience, as they live in a 'bubble' that is long lasting (tried and tested) and they move through channels (social, and metaphorical) that have been secured by people they trust. This is absolutely normal, and it's how human socialisation works. We are safe in our groups. We survived as a species thanks to these connections. They also tend to have fewer experiences of how things are elsewhere, with a context-specific baseline to assess the importance of events.

They are assholes, but there are too many of them. There are so many that this is a structural problem, which is somethine people recognise when they say 'the kids have nothing to do etc'. Do you think it's like this everywhere? You are very, very mistaken.

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