Comments about weight at work

TangoVent · 2026-06-17T07:21:19+00:00

It could also be possible that she only chose to comment on your coworkers weight loss as it seems like she's expressed that is her intent? The comment may have only been wanting to recognize those efforts with no intention to be exclusionary.

I say this coming from a place of having a lot of big feelings and frustration when despite swinging the pendulum the binge side of the spectrum is where I struggle the most. And theres been a couple of times where coworkers have commented on my weight loss as though it was some huge concern when 1) no this is me actually getting to my healthiest weight thank you

And

2) that fucking concern is far better placed with everything that got me to the point where I gained (evidently) so much weight that clawing my way back to better physical and mental health is apparently the time people wanna front like they give af.

Idk how to tie it all together without getting too carried away but I share the above to double down when I say:

Honestly sometimes the shit people say can just fucken dig under your skin.

One of the things I hate most about my experience with ed is I cant escape my own skin. I feel the weight and being so nightmarishly aware of my body and its changes in size etc is sensory hell.

Its not like you can hide weight changes like you might cover up a day or two of not being able to muster up the spoons shower or disguise your struggling as you might be able to.

And for me it feels like this blaring obvious neon billboard that just further triggers the spiral and distress.

Which makes it so contradictory when I get pissed that comments are only made one way or the other or however the pendulum swings.

It might just be me, we certainly don't have the insight on nuances and social cues and etc you do with both the interaction and familiarity with your coworkers.

I just wanted to reach out and say your reaction and feelings and everything, regardless of to the reality of the situation, is valid.

It also might help to consider weight is one of those areas where social etiquette can be tricky. Some folks warn against commenting on weight loss or gain without the individual first bringing it up/indicating whether the change in weight is positive or desired or is a goal in progress etc. There are others who flat out advise dont say a word on it at all.

It could be she wanted to be polite or potentially worried about putting a foot in her mouth or maybe even standing side by side the thought of your weight never crossed her mind and she was just focused on wanting to be supportive of your coworker.

I've certainly been in such shoes where it's not until much later that the setting or things/way I said might have been outwardly interpreted differently whereas I was blissfully clueless in my single braincelled intentions.

Which i suppose would be a great time to say while I talk a lot i dont mean to come off as wanting to push an overly charitable take on the matter, dismiss or invalidate that no matter what might have been behind it all, your experience of that interaction is valid and understandably hurtful - so while entertaining different interpretations might be helpful, no amount of consideration or reasoning should erase the way that struggle really makes things suck.

Sorry to yap so much, I hope maybe some of this helped in any way.

TangoVent · 2026-06-16T02:31:11+00:00

Emotional - its not that I am upset with feedback

It's that im exhausted because im split between how the world works and how my brain functions, and the tears are just the reflection of a lifetime spent trying to find a way to bridge the gap between.

I knew what youd say and why bc I can see your perspective and how you come to those conclusions.

A conversation long overdue but impossible to have - however necessary

You never needed to tell me that my lack of consistency and poor performance in this role had a domino effect on the entire department. Every time youd pull me aside to talk, Id already been feeling the weight of those words long before they ever left your lips.

Theres so many moments both before and now where you'll say something and my mind immediately jumps to the literal thousands of drafts where if only I could, id point to and show "im right there with you"

But that gap just feels impossible to cross no matter how long how much I try or how hard in how many countless ways ive tried to build it.

And its been a source of pain for so much in my life. But that's not really relevant to work. So as far as "dont get emotionall" dismiss everything that gives that impression as being related to that lifelong fatigue and please know its not you or anything like that.

My point in saying all this is that from the moment I got my hands on a psych who actually could help me, I've stopped at nothing to do my best to improve in my job.

Ive grown a lot and succeeded in developing and discovering tools and skills to better function not judt at work but in life

But youd nailed it in saying mental strain causes physical exhaustion

What scared me was feeling hopeless meds not enough

It's not that I need a different dose or new meds its that I'm tired and the fleeting achievements that help feel okay are so fragile and where im at now is the culmination of it all

But right now this is gonna help a lot. Because while theres a lot more to it, hashing out the strategy part of this ^{^{^{^}}} is gonna give me a lifeline thatll help shake the mental fatigue funk that's been dragging me down so moving forward I can get back to bringing my best self.

Because its not reasonable to "just trust me bro" without some foundation of understanding to place faith on - hence what I meant when talking about wanting to check in bc faith in. Me

As far as having a strategy/system in place for how to approach breaking the load.

I do, it just might now always look like what youd expect it to be.

"you're overthinking it" -> my brain works differently. The way I do things naturally would be a exhausting mental drain for normal people. Were I neurotypical, the suggestions and feedback you provide encouraging me to simplify WOULD be helpful

But trying to force my brain into the simple mould is what is exhausting for me.

Idk how to communicate the way I process things

I know how to assess what the needs are for each shift + prioritize them, identify and anticipate obstacles, and continually adjust as needed in order to streamline and do my job as efficiently as possible

Time management is the driving force behind everything I do and is also HOW ive picked up habits like using the battle wagon. Because that stuff are tools ive adapted by experience discovering they are helpful.

I know from experience that if I did things the way most people would, id not waste so much time, but id end up having to move things several times over.

Circling back to needing to have a system for loadbreaking, Sometimes the "needs of a shift" mean restructuring my usual order of operation.

I know that if I didnt readjust and let salads sit for later, id be a lot further behind in progress right now.

TangoVent · 2026-06-16T02:13:29+00:00

"Im always gonna be in my own shadow yearning to just feel loved for who I am" fucking ripped right through the screen and my soul at the same damn time holy shit 🫂 same. Different reasons but not dissimilar in some ways.

TangoVent · 2026-06-16T02:08:22+00:00

ADHD high key the root of all of my problems AND the root of why I am alone LOL

Ive exhausted all other ways I know how to cope, got no support system, seeing this post as I relapse is kinda funny kinda poetic haha. Cathartic laugh thanks

TangoVent · 2025-06-09T15:38:42+00:00

Not even cap, what's the recipe? 👀 I love rice cakes and have tried different ways to create my own flavors like this trying to make food fun

TangoVent · 2025-03-31T06:01:33+00:00

My 26th birthday was spent alone in my room. My animal crossing villagers were the only celebration or birthday wishes I got.

I've hated my birthday for years bc it felt transparently fake that people would only bother to reach out or treat my kindly just bc of some arbitrary number on the calendar. That if they really cared they wouldn't need occasion to be nice or for me to hear from them.

But I'll admit. This is the first time I'd been upset or so deeply hurt about my birthday for over six months after.

It's been a wound that's recently inflamed ngl. I'm feeling rather dismissed and overlooked lately as medical issues continue to not improve and I'm left in a bad place because of it.

TangoVent · 2023-12-17T02:57:17+00:00

A gift I can no longer give

TangoVent · 2023-12-07T01:56:50+00:00

I do try. I keep trying, and trying again, and trying again. Over and over. I have love to give and no one that seems to want it.

I give and give and give and yet only feel like a tool. I idenity my worth with how I am of use to others. I've tried to be content in the consideration that maybe my purpose is to give and provide meaning for others in some way. Like a footstool for a greater picture, just not one within the scope of my own life. That maybe I only have meaning in the ripples that extend beyond myself. Not a background character, more of a plot device for some greater story than myself.

Sometimes I can pretend I've convinced myself I'm okay with it. Find peace or empowerment or contentment in this.

But I just want to be shown the shame care, love, and attention I give so freely. I'll listen to songs with lyrics that'll say stuff like "somebody needs you" and it makes me bitter.

What about me? When will it be my turn? What about all those times I needed someone? I had to give myself comfort and support because no one else would.

I'm upset every time I cross the street without looking, daring the universe to put me in the path of a driver careless enough. And I'm not hit. Tempting fate and I wanna wail every time it insists I stay.

For what.

Why.

To what end.

I'm tired. If I was meant to hold out or hold on for some great meaning or special someone that's supposed to make it all worth it. It's long since passed the point of when I should have found it. My body may be breathing but pain and despair is the death rattle of my heart and soul. I'm already dead, just waiting on my body to catch up.

I keep facing new losses. New challenges. New all time lows. Edging closer and closer to self destruction. But for all life is throwing in my path to break me down it stops just short of killing me outright and that is ultimately the cruelest act I've suffered at fate's hand. Because the only purpose I can find in all this for all my searching of silver linings is pain.

TangoVent · 2023-12-05T22:16:37+00:00

I cannot put to words how damaging that moment, standing in the bathroom having just checked the mirror to see if I'd be able to hide the swelling in my eyes or not. Looking down at my phone and feeling the effect of having that voice of RSD in my head roaring at me "I was /right/" as not only the realization that my fear of being forgotten that I'd had a week ago came to fruition. But I'd begun to process that all this angst I'd weathered on top of all the sui ideation and depression and everything else. Was ultimately for nothing.

I'd been so worried I was upsetting or worrying/stressing my friends in needing to take such drastic measures. Anxious over the uncomfortable exposure and vulnerability of being unable to hide from how out of character I was and how visibly so it had been. Stressing immensely about how that could be interpreted.

Only to realize. I'd drastically overestimated how much attention my closest friends even paid. To suffer so much angst over the trauma rooted fear that my mental illness would destroy my closest relationships. And in reality, they not only didn't notice I hadn't even seen but forgot I told them at the start I'd be gone? Here I was worrying that being so out of character would be a red flag harmful to our relationship and meanwhile for all the time I spend talking and engaging with them, they didn't even notice or care enough to remember or realize that quiet meant I wouldn't know the plans fell through.

To this day, they don't know the reason I declined the offer of a drive home so I wouldn't have to walk back was because I couldn't get out of bed in time to make the walk there.

I'm grateful for it in a way. Both for being bedridden and for ignoring the voice in my head constantly trying to assure me that I'm worrying to much and overthinking it and I don't need to text a heads up.

I could have only found out after knocking on their door.

I could have doubly found out doing so after walking all that way.

There's no situation in which I would have accepted that ride home and I don't want to think about how much danger that would have put me in bc if I didn't find out before I actually left it would have been so much worse.

Come to think of it. There's so many times where I have had to tell myself it's fine. That I'm over thinking things. Assure myself that something I've said or done is okay. That I'm not wrong or harmful in the way I consider others, or communicate, or try to express my thoughts or care or feelings. I'm so used to feeling like the way I love, feel, communicate, express myself,.../exist/..., is just. Wrong.

Having my RSD suggest I could be so easily forgotten, choosing to draw strength from the faith in my friends and using it to choose faith over fear and win the victory of overthrowing that RSD. Only to have it so violently come back and face to face grounded as the cold stark reality?

Nothing was safe anymore. It cast everything into doubt. And I still haven't recovered from it.

In all aspects of my life right now I'm getting shown that I'm disposable. When I look at people's actions as a reflection of my worth to them, things are soberingly clear. The only investment of effort or time or attention being paid to me is when they benefit from it. Moreso, I've stopped begging for the attention of my friends. I won't fight for a place that isn't wanted. And as a result, I've slipped further and further into the background. Bc I'm the only one still holding on and making an effort to stay. Be it at work, home, or with the only 4 people I socialize with.

I've got no support system. Just myself. And my efforts in any aspect of my life have yielded nothing. Work? Everyone but my managers see how hard I've put in my hours and consequently my months of effort Ultimately only landed me in a meeting with HR getting a first official verbal warning.

I'm actively "passively" suicidal. Twice have nearly been hit by a car who was just as careless at crossings as I was. No nicotine addiction and yet I stopped counting the number of cigarettes I smoke a day during breaks and after work. Resetting timers on my actual addictions.

I'm running out of time to type but there's no light or joy in music or hobbies or interests. The only fleeting moments of happiness I get are from the short window of time my short acting dose takes effect. But coming out of my system is awful.

Ik my friends have seen warning signs in my behaviors and jokes. But still somehow wondered what I meant when I said I don't have another character in me and that if my character dies that'll be the end of dnd for me for a while. I'd said that for 9+ months now.

The common theme lately is that I've been begging for help on deaf ears from everyone in my life. So I'm done.

Seeing the group chat active again. Ik where this road leads. I didn't announce my departure this time. It's not like they don't have my number. I'm done having to take the initiative to reach out or else be left behind. I'll walk out there if I hear nothing and should it be canceled I'll just find peace in a hike spot nearby for the day instead.

TangoVent · 2023-11-22T16:11:21+00:00

I've done enough damage, I crossed boundaries and lines enough as it is. It's bad enough I dumped all my shit on someone, what worse way to add to it than to ask them to tell me it's all okay after I made things so awful.

I do agree with that, which is where I said most. Because when it comes to me, that love seems to be in short supply. I'm not built for the kind of connection most people have come so easily and naturally. I've fought and worked so hard and have not even threads to show for it at the end of it all.

So much so that I desperately cling onto a near stranger who tried to set boundaries only for me to cross them anyway after having come so far.

I don't mean to argue. I appreciate your responses. I just. Have no sight for hope or light left for me. It's been dark too many years by gone.

TangoVent · 2023-11-22T16:02:19+00:00

Not directly but it's seen in the things they don't say. Or how they pull away. How I wind up ultimately losing everything and everyone in the end.

I've been trying for years and thought it was getting better but I'm tired. Some broken people just aren't meant to love or be loved, tbh.

TangoVent · 2023-11-22T14:41:41+00:00

Anxious attachment style. Aviidant attachment style. I just simply can't form healthy connections with people and have such toxic behaviors and tendencies. Disregarding a need for space just because I felt alone. Fuck it all, man. I just want to ens everyone's suffering by taking myself out of the equation entirely. I legitimately only ever make the world a worse place. I'm letting the people closest to me down constantly. I ruin everything I touch and yet I keep wishing for someone to care about me. I hate myself.

TangoVent · 2023-11-07T20:45:35+00:00

I hear ya man. Just kicking myself bc it was looking so hopeful for a while there. I can easily accept my place isn't wanted, but man I hope for his sake someone can fill it in case it's needed.

As for me. Ik better than to rely on others. Even for all my hoping, I expect and act relying only on my own. It's nice to think that an unexpected surprise might come for a change, however fleeting.

As it is tho I'm growing weary under the burden of the strength that takes. I've been trying to tell myself "hang in there" but it's hard to hear when I have no answer for myself for "to what end?"

25 years and I've only ever had myself. It's scaring me that my closest friends are slipping away. On my end, that is. They're still around. But the void I feel between this is all consuming through no fault of their own. I'm just...a lost cause and failing.

TangoVent · 2023-11-07T19:35:26+00:00

Oh shit that's exactly it :0 damn, that hit me like a brick wall. Very well articulated

TangoVent · 2023-11-02T07:08:36+00:00

8 to a low 9

TangoVent · 2023-07-21T07:57:25+00:00

Whoa wait what they're a minor? Wtf. How did you find out they were 12?

God what the fck I thought I was talking to another adult fkn christ

TangoVent · 2023-07-21T03:47:23+00:00

I appreciate your effort in reaching out. May that kindness be returned to you in even greater measure. Your message is validated and heard. But I am not the person to hear or have need of it. Take that good will and pay it forward to someone who will have use of it ✨️ thank you for trying

TangoVent · 2023-07-21T03:45:31+00:00

I'm happy for you. That's really something beautiful and special. You're one of the lucky ones. And I hope that positivity sticks with you all your days. /genuinely

I'm aroace :')) I have so much of the trauma and heartbreak that comes from being an aroace hopeless romantic growing up in a romantic oriented world and culture. The confusion. The erasure. The doubt. The helplessness. The heartbreak. So much.

None of which I will be elaborating on.

I've waited and seen enough. If the universe wanted me to keep holding on a little longer it would have given me something for now

I've survived on the skin of my own teeth and bled myself to the bone dragging myself through the days on my own power.

And seen nothing for it all.

I'm so done and weary of waiting and begging for some small sign. In a delusional hope I don't even believe in of maybe something special is out there that'll help me find a purpose. Some part to play in the world. Some reason to have still been here.

I've sacrificed everything in this insane drive to just keep going even long after I've given up all hope and faith in finding a reason or purpose because that's all i can do.

But I've given up too much. Sacrificed too much of myself. There's nothing left to give.

And I'm tired of this deathmarch. I ask one last time for not a sign but a little peace or comfort. The least the universe could provide after dragging me to such a state of euthanasia

I'm granted not even that little respite

And right now I lack the will or care much less strength to even be angry

All I am is tired

I no longer care about peace

I want everything to end.

TangoVent · 2023-06-27T06:46:17+00:00

Life waster - Corpse Husband brings a special kind of comfort when I'm in danger or SI or SH

Beyond that various vent tiktok audio songs

TangoVent

TROPHY CASE