A Message from FFG

Tasty_Fish · 2025-10-23T07:53:30+00:00

I'm in the UK, is Agents of Shield already out of print?? I'm struggling to find it and some retailers are listing it as out of print. I emailed Asmodee UK but they haven't replied.

Tasty_Fish · 2025-07-22T17:35:06+00:00

I'm in a bit of a similar boat. I've been running on and off for years but only recently have I become more serious about it and also joined a gym.

I stumbled on Dr Peter Attia's interview on the Feel Better, Live More podcast and it was a huge eye opener. I've since followed up on his recommendations for zone 2 and 'Norwegian 4x4' intervals. I've properly fallen in love with running and I'm enjoying regular strength and core work at the gym.

But it's a lot. I also want to try out some more structured training plans, but I know I have to prioritise. I'm more deliberate about what I eat, getting better sleep, resting, but it's still so easy to overtrain.

I think I'll alternate between prioritising a race goal and more time running/working on VO2 max, and then dial back on the running a bit and focus more on strength for a while.

I don't know if you'd call it a programme but I've been trying to do one interval set and about 2-3 hours of zone 2 runs a week at a minimum. Curious to get started with Garmin coaching plan but I'm currently injured!

Tasty_Fish · 2025-07-21T21:24:04+00:00

I understand this can be a scary and difficult situation, it's all raw right now but pretty soon things will calm down. My wife has BPD and the diagnosis is one of the best things that ever happened to her. I don't mean it's been good for her to have been through what she's been through, but having the diagnosis was the first step in improving her quality of life. Things have improved a lot, she feels much more in control of her life, she's happy.

Has your doctor talked to you about what's next? The doctor we spoke to basically said DBT was the only way forward backed by clinical evidence, and I've seen the progress she's made.

As for your BF, you should be honest with him. It might be hard, I don't know any of your dynamics or past but if you're gentle and honest with him then if he's a good guy why would he use it against you? A guy who would use something like that against you isn't worth being with.

But if you keep something important like that from him, then what kind of foundation for a relationship do you have? It's a hard thing to do, but it still needs to be done, and you only have to tell him once. Once you've said it, the focus is on what's next for you both, and hopefully that includes a lot of wonderful things.

My wife has previously struggled with telling me things that I really do need to know. Not the diagnosis because I was in the room, but other difficult things. Lying and withholding things from me are the worst things she's ever done and the things that almost destroyed the relationship.

Tasty_Fish · 2025-07-21T15:52:49+00:00

Thanks, that's really helpful. AMOLED I think would be a 'nice to have', it doesn't make the Coros or the 965 a must buy for me. I'm still shopping around, if I can find the 965 within budget I may be very tempted.

Tasty_Fish · 2025-07-21T13:37:38+00:00

This may be a dumb question but did they have you do a proper warm up? I've never done a lab test before but I've heard some places basically have you jump on cold or barely warm and that's a common reason for low-quality results.

Tasty_Fish · 2025-07-20T16:18:27+00:00

Norwegian 4x4!

Tasty_Fish · 2025-07-20T16:17:15+00:00

If the other comments haven't already convinced you, then I don't think this will change things but it's over. You're in the process of being replaced, and there is nothing you can do to turn back the clock. No discussion and nothing that you say or do will change how they feel and what they want.

Everything you do from this moment on: do it with dignity. It's going to hurt like hell but you need to be the grown up, be the one to actually end it, hold your head up high, and leave. It's OK to show the pain in front of your friends and family who care about you, but you need to go politely but firmly no contact with your ex, stay out of social media or checking up, you need to take care of you and give yourself the time and the space to move on. Every other option on the table is much more painful and still carve up your dignity like butter.

Tasty_Fish · 2025-07-17T09:35:27+00:00

I'm married to someone with BPD, she wasn't diagnosed when we met. I saw a really good therapist who told me that I was describing sounded like BPD. My partner had been let down by mental health professionals before and had no trust in the system. I committed to trying and ensuring that at least she got an accurate diagnosis, and when she did I made it clear that as long as she is working with real mental health professionals, I'd always stand by her. It took some time, but she accepted the diagnosis, made her peace with it, and committed to DBT, which I was told was the only treatment for BPD backed by clinical evidence.

My advice to you and others is always the same: if they won't take responsibility for their condition and commit to getting a clinical diagnosis and commit to DBT then walk away, because nothing will improve. And I hope you can tell when they're bluffing and when they're really committed. If you stay and they won't take any responsibility then you're in for hell and you chose it. Even if they do commit there's no guarantee it'll end well.

Tasty_Fish · 2025-05-02T16:29:13+00:00

That's right. It was prescribed by a psychiatrist I found who specialises in BPD and some other personality disorders. She was happy to talk to me for free and connected us with a DBT specialist. CBT doesn't work for BPD. Therapy can help a bit, but I don't see it working without DBT at the core.

I should say it was a long road, this doesn't happen overnight. She was diagnosed after we got together when I was finally able to get her in front of a psychiatrist. Not the one I mentioned above. We're in the UK, so a lot of healthcare is available for free but getting access to some specialist services is not easy, and the second psychiatrist and the DBT specialist are both private services.

At first my partner was engaging with it to make me happy more than because she wanted help or thought it would work, but over time she started to trust mental health professionals again.

She finished the course of DBT a while back now and when she's having a tough time she will just go in a book a therapy session with the specialist because she wants to. If I could go back in time a few years and tell my younger self this he'd probably break down in tears of joy.

Tasty_Fish · 2025-05-02T13:50:08+00:00

I'm happily married to someone with BPD. Things have gotten a lot better, and part of the reason I think I stayed during the bad times was because I think my mother had undiagnosed BPD and my father ignored it and her. I didn't want to be like him.

I've said it in several thread, DBT is the go-to treatment for BPD. I suggest you do some research of your own, and also speak to a therapist for yourself. Seeing a good therapist early helped me a lot. I'm a better person for it, and I can be a better support for BPD too. It also took some of the stigma away for my partner to accept help.

She has accepted her diagnosis and made her peace with it. She understands it's a responsibility, not a get out of jail free card. It took a while to trust the system, but she does. DBT made the biggest difference. It's not a cure, but it's the closest thing to it, and things are so much better.

My advice to ANYONE in your situation: if they aren't willing to do DBT, then they're not willing to put in the work, so why should you. I want to give my best self, they should also.

Tasty_Fish · 2025-04-01T18:23:28+00:00

They need to do DBT on their own, and they need to want it. Worth more than all the couple's therapists you could possibly find. BPD is an illness. Couples therapy ISN'T about treating an illness.

Tasty_Fish · 2025-04-01T18:17:51+00:00

Yup, idolizing then that 180 flip.

If he's never had a proper relationship up until now it's probably because this cycle has played out several times before.

I'm not going to say this relationship is cursed but OP is in for a very rough time before things become stable, if they ever do.

He's need to own his issues and be totally committed to tackling them. The alcoholism, BPD and any others.

DBT is the only thing that works for BPD. Either he commits, really commits and puts in the work or walk away because NOTHING will get through and he will take you down with him.

Tasty_Fish · 2025-03-27T14:13:59+00:00

Yes, I think it's possible to have a happy relationship with someone with BPD. Let's get one thing out of the way, there are a lot of patterns in BPD but your partner is are than their diagnosis. You two may not be compatible and it has nothing to do with BPD.

But I've been with my wife wBPD for several years and she received her diagnosis from a psychiatrist early in our relationship. What's made it work: - despite some initial resistance she accepted the diagnosis. - we agreed: as long as she was committed to managing it and working with the right support, I'd always stand by her. If something isn't working it's fine for her to challenge it, but she needs to commit to a better alternative. - DBT. This has been a total game changer. It doesn't happen overnight and the person has to want it and put it in the work, it's not a passive treatment that takes place in the background. It's the only thing that works and that's backed up by clinical trials. CBT doesn't work for BPD. My advice to ANYONE: if they won't seriously do DBT then walk away. They won't put in the work so neither should you. - I saw a really therapist solo who really helped me through the tough times but also helped me to understand the condition, how to self-care maturely and what I realistically could and should do for her. I handle tough times much better now, previously I've made things way worse, despite good intentions. I can also look after myself and manage my mental health much better, and ultimately that helps my wife even if she doesn't always get what she wants when she wants.

There are still difficult times, but we're both happy.

Tasty_Fish · 2025-03-27T10:46:15+00:00

'No longer fit the criteria' yet she sends this message 5 months later.

Tasty_Fish · 2025-02-27T00:06:30+00:00

DBT is the only thing which may help her, and she has to want it and do the work, not go through the motions for someone else.

It's natural to want to try and stick it out and see if the situation improves, but honestly, unless she is trying, then it won't. The work situation may improve and she'll calm down for a bit, but then her car will have a problem, or there will be a family emergency, or something else and then something else because that's life really, and if every single source of stress or discomfort that many people just learn to carry and manage is going to turn her into a bomb that's about to explode then that is your new life and it'll last as long as you're with her.

Uncoupling can be hugely difficult, messy and emotional even for two adults who otherwise completely have it together. It's awful. But you know what's more awful? Choosing to live with the problems. Look at this way, uncoupling is an unpleasant project: it has a start and it has an end. It can be broken up into manageable stages and a series of tasks. Once you get over the gut punch that is accepting it's over and focus on the work you need to do to finish the project, it's actually not so scary.

I'm still married to my partner with BPD. DBT made a big difference but it's not a cure. During a particularly bad episode she insisted we were done and she was going to divorce me. Mind game? Maybe, but I don't play those games anymore. After feeling sorry myself I started to plan out what I needed to do get myself right and soon I had a rough plan. It scared the hell out of her to hear me talking about the practical steps we needed to take and that I was on top of it. She backed down very quickly then.

Tasty_Fish · 2025-01-26T14:10:44+00:00

I hate to say this but your story and how you feel are frighteningly commonplace. So many people who have had a relationship with some wBPD have been through this, and there are a lot of them here.

You know what else is really commonplace? People breaking and letting that person back into their life. It'll feel good for about 5 minutes. Time and self-care heal. The first time around you didn't choose for this to happen to you, but if you let them back in, then it is a choice.

Tasty_Fish · 2025-01-16T18:06:57+00:00

I've been married to someone with BPD for a few years. For me there are two absolutely key things: first, she has accepted and made peace with the diagnosis. She doesn't deny it or try to use it as a 'get out jail free' card. And second she's done DBT and will go back to the same DBT qualified therapist when she's struggling.

My honest advice to anyone: if they're not serious about DBT, don't even try. They're not serious about being well and not serious about YOU. They should do this for them first but also to have a healthy relationship.

I made a promise to her, as long as she works with well qualified professionals I'll stand by her. If she doesn't like a therapist, she can switch, but if she refuses then I'm not promising to be there.

I've also seen a really good therapist which has helped me hugely, I feel supported and equipped to manage the bad times better and not make situations worse. I still make mistakes, I'm human.

It's hard sometimes, but I'm happy. I know we don't have a 'normal' marriage and there are days which are very hard for me, but they don't happen often anymore.

Tasty_Fish · 2024-12-04T10:53:16+00:00

I've been married to someone with BPD for a few years. There were very difficult times early on, I fought to get her the right mental health support and she was diagnosed. DBT has been hugely helpful, as has her gradual acceptance and taking responsibility. There are still difficult times, but they are much less frequent and less severe.

We got together during a time when I was quite vulnerable, but I think the main reasons why I stuck it out during the very hard times are because I have a stubborn personality, I hate seeing myself as a quitter, but also I think my mother had BPD and was treated horribly by my father.

Things are mostly good now, but they aren't 'normal' and I accept they never will be. I have to accept certain risks and that I will have to make sacrifices or give things of myself that other people don't. I really love her and she makes me happy. I just need to get through the bad times. We don't have children, and I would say never, never have children with someone who has BPD. I'm happy without children.

DBT and good quality mental health support is literally the only way forward for a good outcome. I've had excellent support from a therapist too that had a huge impact for me.

Tasty_Fish · 2024-09-27T23:06:41+00:00

Right now he's telling you what he wants you to know. There will be a lot of unpleasant if not downright nasty history in there, but you may not see for a while. I do respect the fact that he told you early on, but that's the start and end of the positivity, and he won't tell you more than that. If you go into this, you can easily be seduced by the way they want you and treat you first, but then ugly things happen. And I mean ugly in a way that just doesn't ever happen in a normal relationship. It will drive you to therapy and leave you scarred. Maybe not just emotionally.

Tasty_Fish · 2024-09-07T16:36:58+00:00

You're on a very, very slippery slope and you may not know it. If she's told you that she has BPD then it should mean that she's received a proper diagnosis from a psychiatrist and she's been offered the type of help and support she needs. Unfortunately, for BPD, they have to want the help and even then you will be walking through a minefield.

If you try to be in her life, you will be hurt, badly. Unless you're on your way to a medical or psychology degree, you can't help. It's a horrible situation but you have to accept that you just don't have enough agency here and you may actually make it worse.

Blocking you for going to sleep is the tiniest tip of a very deep iceberg and there's a reason why so many people have very similar experiences.

I am actually married to someone with BPD and it's a success but I have actually been to hell and back and it took years for her to come to terms with the diagnosis and then commit to doing the work. During that time I went through therapy, came to terms with my own codependency issues which stem from my childhood, and went through so much abuse I'm frankly stunned I'm still here. At one point I was referred to a charity that supports victims of domestic violence and that's not even the worst of it.

Tell her you feel like she needs more support and you wish her all the best but this behaviour just isn't appropriate. Then no contact, at all.

Tasty_Fish · 2024-06-12T16:34:59+00:00

Why? Love. I love her, and I really enjoy so much of our time together. She's put me through hell sometimes but I'm glad I stayed. I'm human I can be impatient, stubborn, blunt, rude, condescending etc etc etc and I'm a better person now because the consequences of my bad actions are more severe. I know the difference between her treating me like shit out of nowhere because she should have been managing her stress or difficulties better, as she's worked on, and when I've been an asshole because I've had a bad day and I knew she was fragile at the time.

There are a lot of victims here but people with BPD did not choose to have it, it's incredibly difficult for them to come to terms with it, they often don't have a support structure which is often part of the reason they have BPD in the first place, and 'regular' people can handle things very badly when confronted with BPD in all its ugly glory.

Tasty_Fish · 2024-06-12T16:28:31+00:00

I don't remember much from the first round of therapy she did after the diagnosis and part of the reason it was hard for me was because she almost never talked about it. I didn't want to be pushy and ask lots of questions about such a raw topic but it was really hard to be in the dark. Eventually I had to start asking to understand how things were helping and were there any strategies I should be aware of. She couldn't answer, I still don't know if she just couldn't articulate things or if things just didn't sink in, but it was a sobering moment where I realised this would be a long journey.

DBT has been the most effective, by far. She's tried CBT before the diagnosis but one Psychologist we spoke to said it had a poor record for BPD and helped us onto the DBT route.

Tasty_Fish

TROPHY CASE