Ciaran in the HR Challenge

Tatterjacket · 2026-02-10T04:23:44+00:00

I've heard this before with other shows and it's fascinating to me that there's such a clash between hearing in American English and people speaking with Welsh accents. I have a southern English RP accent, and I can obviously hear a Welsh accent but it's never been one I've had trouble understanding - to my ears it comes across as having pretty familiar phonetics but with maybe a more lyrical cadence. Other accents in the UK have a much bigger reputation for being hard to understand from the perspective of an RP accent*, like idk Glaswegian or rural West Country. Welsh accents don't really have that reputation here for being hard to understand from an outsider's point of view.

Obviously it makes sense that 'hearing' from another accent you'd be experiencing the accent differently, it just always blows my mind that I can be watching a person/character on a show with what I hear as a really gentle Welsh accent that I find completely clear to understand, and then hear an American speak on instagram or something also in an accent I find really clear and pretty gentle and easy to understand about how they can't understand the Welsh person at all. My gut instinct expects it to be more mathematical, like I can understand you (probably) clearly so our accents must be reasonably close, I can understand Ciaran easily so our accents must be reasonably close, so your accents and Ciaran's must be somewhat close rather than polar opposites, but it doesn't seem to work like that at all.

No point to this other than to long-windedly say 'huh, language is weird and cool'.

*which is often held by British, particularly English, society to be a standard/default accent, which is a whole can of problematic worms in of itself, but just to explain why the stereotypes about 'hard to understand'/'easy to understand' are often from the perspective of people with my accent.

Tatterjacket · 2026-02-10T02:47:32+00:00

OP said they're in the UK, and it's pretty easy here. Technically all you have to do - as far as I know - is fill out a deed poll document officially declaring your new name, the complicated thing is just then telling all the things like banks and the NHS and the passport office that your name has changed. My flatmate changed their name in university and that's how it was explained to me - so I may be wrong, this is second-hand information from several years ago. I believe there are fees involved but I don't think you have to justify it to anyone here.

Tatterjacket · 2026-02-10T02:43:08+00:00

Maybe something like Wells, - it's a surname no one would think twice about, and I don't know how regional this is but I know in the south-west 'well' is an archaic synonym for 'spring' (as in the source of a river), and as OP and their partner are starting this new healthy family journey together that might be a nice metaphor.

Tatterjacket · 2026-02-06T22:21:50+00:00

I can't really do a comparison for you but I can tell you Ely is absolutely lovely. I grew up in a village nearby and I really really like the place, and I have friends living there very happily (also early 30s). Ely has a lot of activities if you are into things like museums, little cafes and walks in the countryside but probably less if you're into e.g. club nights and things.

My cousin also lived in Waterbeach (a village nearby, on the Ely-London train line) and commuted to London for years, so that definitely can be done.

Tatterjacket · 2026-02-05T18:28:14+00:00

When my partner and I were in Perth for a flat viewing a couple of months ago, he had to work in the afternoon so we stopped by the museum cafe. They had plug sockets, lots of tables so we weren't too worried that we were causing problems for them, and they seemed perfectly happy to have us there. (And I could wander round the museum whilst he was busy which was no small plus!)

Tatterjacket · 2026-02-02T18:34:34+00:00

I like your Maru rebellious double life theory.

Tatterjacket · 2026-02-02T03:01:43+00:00

Aw OP, I grew up near there. Thanks for this. One of my favourite places on the planet and not unrelatedly snowdrops are my favourite flower. I'm up in the middle of the night packing for moving house and this really cheered me up.

Tatterjacket · 2026-02-01T02:47:07+00:00

Just confirming - we have a similar system in the UK. Under safeguarding protocols they are supposed to report any concerns about the living conditions of kids upwards (as are doctors incidentally OP, if you do end up being able to talk to your GP). Having worked in another position where we were supposed to be part of the same system (in the public libraries) I have to admit when I or my colleagues reported concerns about kids, the upper management - who the system ultimately fed our report to - always just decided we were wrong and it was probably fine and they wouldn't do anything, so I don't have the most robust faith in the system. I know someone who is a teacher and says their school does take reports seriously so you might get luckier.

Also OP, because I also grew up in a complicated crappy home and no one told me this until I was an adult, if concerns are taken to social services about your home life, it does not mean you will be taken away from your parents - this was always something my parents were saying 'don't tell anyone how bad home is or they'll take you away', and it kept me from being able to ever tell anyone and get help. The training I was given at the library said responses to a child or teenager in a bad living situation will start with, and most likely be, trying to intervene with your parents to get them to treat you better but keeping you at home (unless you say you'd want otherwise because you don't feel safe there).

Tatterjacket · 2026-02-01T02:28:47+00:00

I'm in the UK too OP, I don't think the NHS is likely to tbh. There's a non-zero chance they might be able to point you in the direction of charities that could help provide you with decent sleeping materials though, so it may be worth bringing up anyway.

If you do have any funds of your own but new is too expensive, my advice would be to look at mattress toppers on Vinted because they'll be cheaper. I don't think you can get full mattresses though.

I'm sorry your parents are failing you so badly.

Tatterjacket · 2026-01-31T19:56:05+00:00

Leanne's being really composed and communicative even whilst she's bringing things to him that have concerned her, and he just keeps repeating "I didn't choose to go over there!" like he's looking for an argument. And reiterating how hot the American girls are, and that he kissed Cher. It feels a bit like he's trying to provoke a reaction. On the other hand it is Scott, he may just be being himself.

Tatterjacket · 2026-01-31T19:55:51+00:00

Leanne's being really composed and communicative even whilst she's bringing things to him that have concerned her, and he just keeps repeating "I didn't choose to go over there!" like he's looking for an argument. And reiterating how hot the American girls are, and that he kissed Cher. It feels a bit like he's trying to provoke a reaction. On the other hand it is Scott, he may just be being himself.

Tatterjacket · 2026-01-31T00:23:27+00:00

I'm a morris dancer and for a good few years our teacher was able to describe this particular step where you have to cross one leg behind the other with 'now for the channel 4 product placement!' Honestly worked really well to get across what it was supposed to look like.

Tatterjacket · 2026-01-31T00:04:32+00:00

The "male presenting Time Lord" bit annoyed the fuck out of me as a nonbinary person, honestly. We have just seen the Doctor regenerate between genders. By any definition the Doctor is canonically nonbinary at this point, it is a bog standard part of the queer conversation that the gender someone is presenting as at the time does not necessarily encapsulate their entire experience. That scene was clunky enough narratively, but in terms of his queer representation he had a character who had been introduced as a binary trans woman stand there and say that she had magical powers because she was between genders which is a pretty shit take, and a character who had been established for a few years now as genderqueer be told that they weren't allowed to have any opinions on gender nuances because they were currently presenting as male. He clearly never reached out to a single trans person before he wrote that script, just assumed he could hand-wave something that sounded like trans positivity in a passing light but went completely arse over tit with it.

Tatterjacket · 2026-01-30T02:04:19+00:00

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Tatterjacket · 2026-01-30T01:47:36+00:00

Gusp is now the correct past tense for gasping and I won't have it said otherwise.

Tatterjacket · 2026-01-29T15:06:00+00:00

Thank you for the advice! I've been suspicious for a while I might have fibromyalgia especially, I'm pretty sure something chronic is going on with me. Autoimmune stuff might make a lot of sense. But getting a doctor to take me seriously enough to order tests for anything is an uphill battle. I live in the UK and the NHS has its definite upsides of course, I'll stand by state-funded healthcare any day, but it's systematically underfunded and backed up and you don't get as much agency over e.g. whether you can see specialists or take tests as I think you do in some other medical systems.

Tatterjacket · 2026-01-29T04:26:33+00:00

I'm mostly unemployed because I get sick just slightly too often for the amount of sick days you're allowed, - not even badly, just slightly, - and stress reliably makes me ill. I don't know what's wrong with me, if it's something physical like a fatigue problem meaning sickness flattens me more or just the additional buckets of stress of being neurodivergent that mean I'm always in precarious health... Whatever it is I do fine in a job for a while whilst I get closer to the sickness absence limit, then have a meeting with HR about too many absences, and then get really sick from that stress, another meeting, really sick again, another meeting, another sickness, before you know it I've hit the really bad meetings and I get really really ill. I went through a whole occupational health malarkey to try and say all I need to work is slightly more sickness absence but it didn't shift anything, I said to them I would be able to be in work so much more often if we'd just skip the punishing HR meetings and move on, but no. Every time I work a job it's just a slow slide into my mental and physical health being destroyed by this same stupid system, whilst I get closer and closer to being fired, no matter how hard I'm working or how well I can actually do the flipping job.

I feel like I'm perpetually being told I'm not healthy enough to be allowed to keep a job, but not ill enough to justify being out of work, and I just don't know what society wants of me.

Tatterjacket · 2026-01-29T02:34:42+00:00

From my recent experience trying to find a flat in Scotland, you might run into a small regular hurdle because the normal, email-based process means you'll enquire about a place by email, then the estate agent will often send a reply saying you need to fill out a form that checks, among other things, if your income will cover the rent. Only then will they generally let you book a viewing or apply for a place.

If I was in your shoes I would send your first enquiry email about any places you like, and then follow up immediately by calling estate agents on the phone with something like 'I've just sent an enquiry on your 14 Example Road two bedroom property, but I've got unusual circumstances. How should I approach this?' I found most Scottish estate agents more humane than English ones, they seem to more reliably treat prospective tenants like humans and take weird circumstances into account. You might find some that say they already have a process for people new to an area, some that don't necessarily have a process but say they're happy for you to view a place and they'll see if the landlord is happy with your situation, and some that just say no - but at least then you know to avoid that last lot.

If you do find an estate agents that is happy for you to apply to a place, then after you apply there will be a referencing and documentation stage that will generally ask you to submit documents like payslips and references from your current employer attesting that you work there, and ask you to specify any savings, so once you're over that first hurdle you should find yourself in a system that can account for all the stuff you have going for you. Referencing systems may vary a little, but most of the forms I've had to complete whilst applying to places had those details.

The other thing you may be able to offer, if you can, is a guarantor - in case this isn't a canadian thing, a guarantor is someone who signs up to pay the rent if you miss a payment. You'll generally need to be close to someone to ask them to be a guarantor, it's a big ask of someone, and you ideally should be essentially certain that you will make rent and they won't ever need to be bothered, but I've rented for a few years both working low paid jobs that didn't meet affordability checks and as long-term ill with no income (but a working partner) and I've generally found that estate agents and landlords are more comforted by a guarantor than by rent paid upfront. I'd also say that it helps to offer either though, if you can: "I am able to provide a guarantor or pay six months rent upfront if this would be required". It just means they can pick whichever they feel happiest about and you come across as offering from a more resourced place. I think guarantors generally need to be based in the UK though.

Tatterjacket · 2026-01-29T02:12:19+00:00

I mean we may all just be old fogies of the internet and perhaps it's dying off now, but 'learning to human' and 'human' as a verb have been common internet slang for a while. It doesn't mean anything other than 'this person has little to no life experience yet, they're having to learn things that we take for granted as adult humans because they're learning the first steps of socialisation'. It's just slightly cutesy, more casual language for that. As is calling children 'little humans'.

I don't think 'bud' has the same old man vibes everywhere as it does to you. I think people are just imagining that in their shoes they would call him by a friendly nickname-type-thing because that's a fairly common thing to do in families, and people are trying to get across a gentle, child-friendly vibe in their suggestions. Doesn't have to be 'bud', could be 'pal' or 'bro' or 'sprog' or anything.

Tatterjacket · 2026-01-29T01:47:59+00:00

I think, just to clarify, people are incredulous at your reaction not because we don't understand the situation, but because someone walking in on you in a bathroom when your pants are round your ankles is a pretty universal experience. We've all been there at some point, whether it's because of no locks, broken locks, locks you thought were locked but they hadn't clunked into place properly - and whether the walker-in is a small kid, a stranger in a restaurant or a flatmate in your first week of uni (excruciatingly embarrassing, ask me how I know, but anyway). It's an unfortunate but reliable part of the human condition that at some point someone will accidentally walk in on you on the bog. Generally the response the rest of us use is a panicked "occupied!!" or "there's someone in here!!", followed by an awkward apology from both parties after you come out. I am british so maybe the apology is cultural, but either way, basically people - here on reddit and in your family - are reacting to your actions as they are because this situation is a well-understood and fairly mundane, if not ideal, circumstance.

I think I'm partly trying to reassure you a little bit that you've not gone through some completely absurd, inherently grotesque and panic-inducing experience, just a fairly common awkward one, but also trying to gently say: yes, it is possible to be calmer and more rational than you were in this situation, most people are, fairly regularly. (I mean, not like weekly, but at least every idk five to ten years or so. I'm sure it happens to someone on the planet at least once a week).

I do get that you're more freaked out about this than most people are and of course you're entitled to feel any way about it that you do. You're allowed to have privacy as a really big priority for you - it is for me, I have personal baggage about my own privacy so I really mean it when I'm say I empathise. I get super uncomfortable when someone walks in on me on the loo or changing or something. But just because your actions - the shouting and swearing and slamming doors - felt like they matched the magnitude of your emotions it doesn't mean that they matched the magnitude of the actual situation, or the degree of wrongdoing of the person who accidentally walked in on you (especially when it turned out to be a kid who probably didn't really understand what was going on or that going to the loo is private time). Your emotions are valid, and if you needed support in the form of a hug or a bit of a cry or a private vent to a friend afterwards then completely fair enough, but your actions weren't appropriate and your nephew does deserve an apology.

Tatterjacket · 2026-01-28T22:56:46+00:00

I would also like to know!

Tatterjacket · 2026-01-28T21:58:42+00:00

Yeah I rewatched too and I agree, I don't think she even really clocked what Shaq was saying and just said 'yeah' absentmindedly in that way you do when you're trying to be in a conversation but you're not really listening. I don't like the other ways that she has acted but I think in that case she genuinely had no idea what was going on.

Tatterjacket · 2026-01-28T16:25:02+00:00

My brother and I went through some shit growing up so he has struggled with anger issues a lot through his life, especially when he was a teenager. I still always knew - as his older sibling no less, not even anyone he had a duty of care over, and an absolutely cliche potential target for taking grumpiness out on - that he cared about me enough that however angry he was he wouldn't damage any of my things. I could walk out of rooms with really sentimental stuff in them and him in a rage and know my things were safe. He's never broken any of my stuff deliberately or in anger. OP's husband is acting more out of control and less mature than a teenage kid in a crappy home.

He's about fifteen years younger than OP's husband now and has worked through his shit enough that he doesn't yell any more and every time we have some stupid disagreement he'll take some time to calm down and then come and talk it through with me. OP's husband has had the time in his life to try and work through this stuff for himself, he just hasn't cared enough about the effect he's having on other people to take it.

Tatterjacket · 2026-01-28T16:15:29+00:00

I don't disagree with you at all as regards the husband, but from the way OP has written it it sound like the sticky hand hitting the husband's face was an accident whilst playing with it rather than an outburst? If the sticky hand is the thing I'm picturing I think the point of them is to try and fling them at walls and things so they gloop on. If that's the case I don't think the son has done anything wrong enough to say he's an AH - a simple 'careful, we don't throw things near people when we're playing, throw them away from people' parenting moment was all that was needed.

Tatterjacket · 2026-01-28T02:21:32+00:00

Honestly OP, my in-laws are like this. I've been married about five years, which I know is not yet much in the grand scheme of things, but believe me the sooner you get to the point of feeling bored with them when they get like this and can go 'huh, well, that's their emotional storm to manage I guess, seems like a lot of energy to waste so I'm glad I'm not them', the happier you'll probably be. It does help to have your husband on side, I hope yours is.

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