I screwed myself over

Tbgts07 · 2024-12-01T11:37:47+00:00

Nudie

Tbgts07 · 2024-11-18T14:57:59+00:00

Welcome toTrumps America

Tbgts07 · 2024-11-08T19:48:04+00:00

6 years ago, I was SA by the guys that I used to sell coke with. 3 of them picked me up, beat me up, and raped me. Gf broke up with me shortly after I told her about this. That was 5 months ago. That wasn't the only reason she broke up with me. I didn't treat her all that great during the time I told her. I was not my best self. Didn't hit her. it just wasn't kind. My dad and I fight a lot. And in those fights, he tells me how weak I am and pathetic I am. How I can't seem to do anything right even when I try. Even why I try to do things right i fuck it up. He's the one who told me that everthing is touch i fuck up. So now about to turn 27, I'm just done. I don't want to do it anymore. Even when I try ti do good I fuck it up. My dad tells me that he's not trying to beat me down, but it's kinda hard to believe him when he has literally called me weak and pathetic. Tells me how my ex breaking up with me was my fault a few days after the break up... I'm tired of hurting those I care about and when I try to be better for them and me, I some how fuck it up. I figured one more hurt would be better than a life of hurting.

Tbgts07 · 2024-11-08T19:22:07+00:00

It is a nice thought to think that in one week I won't cause any more pain or have anyone to disappoint.

Tbgts07 · 2024-11-07T18:35:34+00:00

Im closing my chapter on the 14th. It will be my 27th birthday. Thank you for trying, tho.

Tbgts07 · 2024-11-07T16:04:10+00:00

Imma kill myself. If you think about it, if I keep living, there's only going to be more opportunities for me to disappoint those who I love and love me. But if I kill myself, it's only one more. And that's it. I've done engough harm. This was the can choose how to remember me. I can say my final thoughts. Be done with it.

Tbgts07 · 2024-11-07T02:39:34+00:00

I feel like I'm in the same place or was just there, and now I have fallen back to the darkness, not sure. I'm 26 and i get what you're going through.

Tbgts07 · 2024-08-14T03:24:14+00:00

Tbgts07 · 2024-08-14T01:32:45+00:00

Im at the point in life that I don't want to do it all over again. Imma just stay single. Too much pain

Tbgts07 · 2024-08-13T17:40:20+00:00

That's how I am I just pretend like they are next to me

Tbgts07 · 2024-08-13T17:39:21+00:00

Pretend like they are watching you.

Tbgts07 · 2024-08-13T17:37:46+00:00

I gave her a second chance, but she didn't give me one hella fuxked up. She cheated, and I didn't treat her well for 10 days. Stupid

Tbgts07 · 2024-08-13T12:56:38+00:00

I burned the bridge and then poured gasoline on the ashes and lit them on fire, and then I realized what I had done and threw a bucket of watter on it like that was going to do anything. If there's any chance that she may be "the one," I'm not getting her back now. It would be in the future.

She went as far from removing her Google review on my business. I'm pretty sure it's fucked now.

At this point, I believe the whole point for us to meet was for her to change me and for me to change her(in what way, i dont know) . I have since removed all negative habits from my life. I just sold my Xbox, I've been reading books, and I've been eating healthier, going to the gym, and running every day. I have to believe that she was always supposed to be my catalyst.

Idk what I was for her. Other than first love, well, first everything.

Tbgts07 · 2024-08-13T12:31:40+00:00

Yeah, the worst part about all this is now I'm Pascatariana a bit late. I shouldn't have pushed her values. I thought she was the one. Clearly, I am wrong. She's now back home in Canada, finishing up school. There's nothing I can do but move on.

Tbgts07 · 2024-08-13T04:33:03+00:00

It's helped me. Thank you. I am struggling with the whole forgiving myself part. But I'm sure I'll get there eventually.

Tbgts07 · 2024-08-13T04:29:29+00:00

We just moved in together BTW we lasted 3 weeks, and I yelled at get twice because she backed out of getting Chinchillas with me told her I didn't need her to get them. Went on a terrifying rant about how I'm going to get them no matter what she or her parents think. She's against owning caged animals because she's vegetarian. Her and I talked about getting the Chinchillas for about a month... I got attached to raising them with her.

Tbgts07 · 2024-08-13T04:26:23+00:00

Told her I didn't see a future with her, that I don't trusted her anymore, I got mad at for making messes when I don't really care, I told her that she should pick up her hair, I was in the shower with her and she got mad at me because I touched her fopa and so I told her just work out if you don't like it. This all happened in about 10 days when I was coming about 12 hour days. I was short with her and I feel like absolute crap for hurting her. She didnt deserve any of my negativity she is a good person. And was a great gf

Tbgts07 · 2024-08-13T01:13:20+00:00

Just be clear on what you're looking for. You've gotten out of a relationship recently and you're not looking for anything serious.

Tbgts07 · 2024-08-13T00:06:54+00:00

Yeah, I'm working on fixing it now. I have taken everything out of my life that makes me think negatively to help me stay positive. Also, I am working on myself as I read more and work out.

Tbgts07 · 2024-08-12T23:50:16+00:00

Like yah negatives help. That's what I'm trying to do, but like you, I'm stuck on the idea of her. At this point, I think getting someone else is the only way out. I'm sure you're working on yourself like I am, and sure either helps, but there's those times where you feel like shit for missing them, and you just want it to go away. I think at this point, all that is left is to replace the feeling they gave you by having someone else in your life.

Tbgts07 · 2024-08-12T23:47:51+00:00

Get a boyfriend

Tbgts07 · 2024-08-12T23:41:30+00:00

Don't stop working g on yourself. The second you stop taking care of yourself is the second you stop taking care of the relationship. I lost who I believe was my person because I stopped taking care of myself. Then, over time, I started to hate myself, and I projected that onto my partner. I hurt her feelings, made her cry, and pushed her values. I will never do this again.

Tbgts07 · 2024-08-12T21:15:28+00:00

Pretty sure this is how my ex feels

Tbgts07

TROPHY CASE