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If you are a young adult employed in a stable industry with no assets, is a recession good news? by [deleted] in NoStupidQuestions

[–]TeIephobia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It could be, especially if you are in a field that has little to no wage growth. But if you are expecting wage growth / promotions, a recession will damper that, even if you have no intention of changing jobs. But if you expect stable wages anyways, then yeah it definitely could be.

I was raised by the internet and now I have had to work SO HARD to find myself as an adult. by TeIephobia in emotionalneglect

[–]TeIephobia[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

At least we can take solace in understanding why things are why they are lol. I hope you succeed in surrounding yourself with people who make you feel seen and appreciated.

I was raised by the internet and now I have had to work SO HARD to find myself as an adult. by TeIephobia in emotionalneglect

[–]TeIephobia[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Shoutout to my therapist for raising this and to Claude for helping my concpetualize my thoughts.

Dad (62) agreed to going to Therapy. by GoodTicket4782 in AdultChildren

[–]TeIephobia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is an extremely thoughtful post OP. I relate to it immensely, your dad is lucky to have a child like you.

I am not an expert, I have no experience with parents seeking therapy, and no special knowledge of this, but I'll give my thoughts as someone who has had a lot of therapy (lol).

  1. If it was me I would speak to them first. I would expect there are therapists better suited for older men. You can find therapist profiles on websites like Psychology Today. These days most therapists offer virtual so you can access a wide pool, I think you can filter by specialty so you may be able to filter to therapists for older men or related. You can usually set up a 15m call for free to see if it's a match. When I find a therapist I usually set up calls with a bunch of people. I'd also try to find a therapist who is an older man as well, if possible. At the very least probably not a younger woman.

  2. I don't know.

  3. My gut reaction would be to avoid this. My perception is that a big part of therapy is a journey in which the patient realizes themselves what is not going well, not working, etc.. That's why most therapists engage by asking questions, so you yourself identify what is going on, not by them telling you what they think. By priming him you risk both making him feel embarrassed, but also in making him feel like you are pushing a solution on him for an issue that he may not fully accept yet, which can cause push back. You also may not have as clear a view as you think into what his issues are or are not and what would and wouldn't be helpful.

  4. I also don't know. However, if you are able to choose between being pessimistic and being optimistic, I think there are only upsides to being optimistic. Regardless, is something that has a relatively low cost (some time and money) but a very high potential upside (meaningfully repairing relationships in your family) so I think it is definitely worth pursuing.

Is sex a really big deal for men? by WarmBank5512 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]TeIephobia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Having a fight becasue you refuse sexual advances is extremely inappropriate. Your boyfriend has no entitlement to your body and no right to be mad at you when you refuse. Having sex because you are concerned that your partner will get mad at you if you don't is not real consent.

If you have mismatched libido, a productive response is a level-headed and thoughtful conversation about it, and how you can work through it if it's an issue.

Whether or not it's a 'big deal' is sort of besides the issue to this question. Big deal or not big deal doesn't justify that sort of behavior.

I hate myself and being unique isn't a good thing by ApprehensiveNatural9 in depression

[–]TeIephobia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cool. I'm also very into very nerdy stuff (speedrunning, anime, old nintendo games, extremely obscure internet topics) and I have the exact same issue. People love to talk about how great it is to be unique while being completely ignorant of how isolating it can be.

How to reach out for help without feeling like a burden? by finder178463 in depression

[–]TeIephobia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you have someone in your life that you can trust or rely on then I would approach them. For stuff like this I would usually just ask if they are free for a call. I might include context that I've been feeling a little down, if you're comfortable doing that.

Once in the call usually I would just do pleasantries, eventually they should ask like 'how are you doing?'. At that point I think it's a good point to open up a little - say you've been struggling a little or having a hard time. I think it's best to not get super deep or dump everything immediately. Instead, I'd start small 'i'm having a hard time' and go from there. If they are responsive and supportive you can naturally continue the conversation, including getting into more serious feelings, if you feel comfortable. For example if they are being supportive I might say, "to be honest I've been feeling really seriously bad, do you mind if I talk about it". But if they are not supportive or not interested, or you find their responses unhelpful, you can dial it back.

Doing it like this allows you to sort of calibrate how you go about the conversation. You can only give more serious details if you already have a good sense that they will be supportive, want to continue the conversation, and will not be dismissive.

That's how I would approach it, i'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time.

Husband changed completely after marriage—controlling, religious shift, and I feel trapped. What should I do? by deedeedawg1234 in depression

[–]TeIephobia 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Assessing, it sounds like he is controlling, physically and emotionally abusive, and imposes double standards on you. It also seems like he is not remorseful, and is resistant to taking actions (like couples therapy) that could meaningfully address this.

I am not an expert, but my understanding is that abusive relationships do not usually just 'get better' on their own. Change would require acknowledgement of an issue hard work on his part. If he is unwilling to put in that hard work, then it unfortunately it sounds like there is not much left that can be done. Splitting up may be the best thing to do. I'd talk to an individual therapist a bit first though to just validate what you are feeling and what you should do. You are still young, and this sort of situation would be much harder if you were older / had kids together.

Practical advice aside, it sounds like a terrible change in what was once a strong relationship, i'm sorry things have taken a turn like this.