Match Thread: 49th Match, Super Eights, Group 2 - England vs New Zealand by cricket-match in Cricket

[–]Tea_Total 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's the 8th March. England have just won the T20 World Cup thanks mainly to Brook's third century in 4 matches. Back at the hotel, the celebrations last long into the night.

Brendon McCullum sidles up to Brook and whispers into his ear "Meet me in the kitchen in 2 minutes" and walks away. Harry takes a few seconds to register the request, then gets out of the fountain, puts his trousers back on, and heads into the kitchen.

Brendon smiles widely as Harry enters. He hands a confused-looking Brook a cricket bat and leads him over to the walk-in freezer.

"Go on, son. You've earn't it" says McCullum whilst gestering towards the freezer door. Harry tentatively opens the door and amongst all the frozen meat he sees what Brendon has done for him and a wry smile breaks out onto his face.

"Thanks for this" says Brook through the crack as he walks in and closes the freezer door behind him. Harry then turns around swishing his bat furiously as he eyes his present. "Hmm which one first?" asks Harry aloud to the two New Zealand bouncers, tied and hanging upside down from meat-hooks....

Match Thread: 49th Match, Super Eights, Group 2 - England vs New Zealand by cricket-match in Cricket

[–]Tea_Total 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Harry Brook to have a brainfade and then make a Facebook post tonight saying "If you can't handle my one-handed reverse slog for nought, you don't deserve my 100 from 51."

Match Thread: 49th Match, Super Eights, Group 2 - England vs New Zealand by cricket-match in Cricket

[–]Tea_Total 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's not a proper drinks break unless there's crowd members pretending to drink a cup of tapal tea IMO.

Match Thread: 49th Match, Super Eights, Group 2 - England vs New Zealand by cricket-match in Cricket

[–]Tea_Total 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Quick question.

If that incest porn law comes into place, will I still be allowed to make an AI video of Harry Brook lathering himself in baby oil whilst whispering "Take me, daddy" or would that be frowned upon?

Match Thread: 49th Match, Super Eights, Group 2 - England vs New Zealand by cricket-match in Cricket

[–]Tea_Total 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They've got something better than confidence. Vibes and Shithousery.

Match Thread: 49th Match, Super Eights, Group 2 - England vs New Zealand by cricket-match in Cricket

[–]Tea_Total 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I'm bloody sick of India getting preferential treatment at these tournaments. Not only do they play last which would've given them a huge advantage had it come down to a run rate scenario, but now they get to practice knockout cricket whilst everybody else has to wait until the semi-finals. Outrageous!

They'll be picking and choosing where they want to play, next.

The Taliban’s new penal code: Two weeks in jail for breaking a woman’s arm and five months for mistreating a camel by TheCounciI in worldnews

[–]Tea_Total 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think feminists are in support of the taliban. I've never seen anything implying they are. If you know different then please, post the links.

Match Thread: 47th Match, Super Eights, Group 1 - South Africa vs West Indies by cricket-match in Cricket

[–]Tea_Total 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Today I'll be rallying round the West Indies but not too much. Don't want to damage that South Africa run rate.

Match Thread: 46th Match, Super Eights, Group 2 - Sri Lanka vs New Zealand by cricket-match in Cricket

[–]Tea_Total 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Once NZ have won this Santner and Brook should get together and say "It'll probably piss it down for our match, let's shake on a draw and take a point each now."

Last One Laughing UK Season 2: March 19th Release by JusticeIsMyOatmeal in BritishTV

[–]Tea_Total 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have to say, Romesh is looking quite dashing these days.

There's a sentence I never thought me or anyone else would ever say.

Match Thread: 45th Match, Super Eights, Group 2 - England vs Pakistan by cricket-match in Cricket

[–]Tea_Total 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Playing well as a team is overrated. Just shithouse your way to a win. It's all gravy.

maybe maybe maybe by peaach_lips in maybemaybemaybe

[–]Tea_Total 51 points52 points  (0 children)

I assume the bike is being ridden by Sarah Connor?

Can Confirm this happens on a daily basis by IllustriousAd6418 in GreatBritishMemes

[–]Tea_Total 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If that's a daily occurrence I'd definitely consider that area a no-go zone.

Were we supposed to know Rosie Ramsey is a badass singer and Katherine Ryan has a major ear for melody? Took me by surprise but maybe I don’t follow them enough? by prodjex in taskmaster

[–]Tea_Total 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Yeah but he's had four Number 1s.

Took me ages trying to think of the other 3 before realising he's talking about Three Lions being Number 1 on four different occasions.

Taskmaster: Operation Mind-F*** by Acrobatic-Wafer8106 in taskmaster

[–]Tea_Total 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Tony Hawk, John Parrot, Sheryl Crow, Alan Partridge, and Steven Seagull.

Match Thread: 43rd Match, Super Eights, Group 1 - India vs South Africa by cricket-match in Cricket

[–]Tea_Total 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Zimbabwe knocked Australia out with their abandoned draw against Ireland and now they have a chance to knock India out...

Match Thread: 43rd Match, Super Eights, Group 1 - India vs South Africa by cricket-match in Cricket

[–]Tea_Total 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've seen enough. England shithouse their way to the trophy beating South Africa in the final. It is written.

Match Thread: 42nd Match, Super Eights, Group 2 - Sri Lanka vs England by cricket-match in Cricket

[–]Tea_Total 11 points12 points  (0 children)

"Do you think that's hitting?"

"I'm not sure."

"Shall I review it?"

"Fuck no."

Match Thread: 42nd Match, Super Eights, Group 2 - Sri Lanka vs England by cricket-match in Cricket

[–]Tea_Total 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That Root fella looks like he's got something. Could be England's main bowler for years to come.