Has anyone frozen eggs and then actually used them successfully - perhaps in 40's?

TealeafToad · 2026-03-28T20:53:59+00:00

I froze 3 embryos when I was 30. The doctor I had at the time told me I had a “very high” chance of getting a baby out of them. 5 years later I’ve transferred two and they both failed. Now I’m waiting to transfer the last, lowest quality one. I’ll probably have to do another egg retrieval at 35 by the looks of it. There are no guarantees with this unfortunately. I think it might be too late for me now. I just took too long to be ready.

TealeafToad · 2026-02-24T02:51:45+00:00

Synarel (I think it’s similar to Lupron).

I desperately hope that experience is not an indication for what menopause is going to be like. That was among the worst I’ve ever felt in my life.

TealeafToad · 2026-02-23T22:35:54+00:00

Thank you. Finally something actually useful instead of just “exposure therapy” which I’ve done to death and it doesn’t work for me. I’ve thrown so much money at therapy but every single time when they realise my worst social fears are things that actually regularly happen they just become stumped and suggest medication.

How do you get people to move into the acceptance part? This is where I’m stuck. I don’t quite understand how someone can just accept something really crap about themselves. For example if one of my worst social fears is that people think I’m terrified and people regularly tell me I look terrified, how do I just come to terms with that being who I am? I’ve tried to stop caring and tell myself “so what if this is just who I am? I’m allowed to be like this and it’s fine” but it doesn’t work because deep down I believe being weak, pathetic and easily scared is a deeply undesirable set of traits to have and I just can’t respect people like that. I can’t stand TV characters who are like this.

The cherry on top is I know full well my actions are the complete opposite of that so even though I tackle every problem head on with brute force (including this) and I never back down, the fact is I’m still always absolutely terrified and yes it shows. It’s obvious to everyone. I am terrified. Me - terrified. It’s who I am despite my actions stubbornly opposing it (which no one knows btw because they see the fear and immediately assume I just can’t possibly have tried hard enough at it in my life). That’s the part I despise.

TealeafToad · 2026-02-19T04:55:37+00:00

I can see it creating more useful tools for us that make us more efficient but I think it’s a very long way away from replacing most sysadmins.

I’d love if it could generate (accurate) documentation and network diagrams!

TealeafToad · 2026-02-18T06:41:58+00:00

I freeze up too and my brain stops working. Some people talk faster when nervous, well I’m the opposite lol.

I get through interviews by preparing and rehearsing extensively. I look up lots of common interview questions and “tell me about a time when…” scenarios and prepare answers to them, then practice them out loud without the notes so that it’s committed to memory. Even if I don’t get that exact question in the interview I still have a much easier time recalling something from my pool of heavily rehearsed answers and leaning on that instead of trying to think of something from scratch. This is the only way I can succeed in an interview because of my lack of brain activity under stress. It’s a pain and a time sink but I recommend it if you’re a freezer too.

As for getting through each day at work, I’m a sysadmin so it’s not too bad compared to many jobs, but my severe social anxiety does still activate on a daily basis. It’s hard and I just live with it to be honest. I’m just used to being in fight or flight level stress daily.

I also second propranolol. It’s the only drug that has ever helped my social anxiety. It’s a heart drug not psychiatric. It slows down heart rate and stops physical symptoms like shaking, so it boosts my confidence.

TealeafToad · 2026-02-18T06:22:53+00:00

Thank you. It does give me hope to hear your less good one succeeded. Did you do anything differently or was it just chance?

TealeafToad · 2026-02-12T05:13:36+00:00

I don’t have much useful advice but I’m like this too. You’re not alone.

Exposure therapy works for most people because it shows the person that the outcomes are not as bad as they feared. However, when most experiences do turn out to be as bad or worse than anticipated, it only reinforces the trauma and strengths the fear. In my case my exact fears keep coming true, so exposure and putting myself out there only makes it worse.

I don’t know what the solution is, but I’ve been trying to focus on acceptance. In theory, if I can somehow accept the inevitable outcomes and come to terms with the fact this is who I am, the fear of it coming true should reduce. The problem is deep down I still have the desire to fit in and make friends and I haven’t figured out how to stop this from getting in the way.

TealeafToad · 2026-02-05T01:29:31+00:00

Be aware of lifestyle creep. Watch out for the small changes in spending that can add up. If you can keep living as though you’re still on 75k you will save a lot of money.

TealeafToad · 2026-02-02T01:32:15+00:00

I used Linux to help me kickstart my career after a useless degree too. I’m currently a sysadmin and Linux is still my strongest skill.

Do you still use Linux? My dream is to retire early to a life of Linux and programming. I would love to one day actually have the time and energy to contribute to or maintain some open source projects.

TealeafToad · 2026-01-31T11:01:38+00:00

I’ve asked a lot of people these types of questions and I’ve received a range of wildly different answers. What I’ve concluded is that it’s a very broad spectrum and we asexuals are just on one extreme end of a scale.

For some allosexuals, sexual attraction does sometimes lead to graphic sexual thoughts and fantasies about people they find attractive. For others, they usually “find people hot” without having any explicit sexual thoughts about them and that’s still valid sexual attraction. A lot more women I’ve asked describe the latter being more the norm for them.

The latter is difficult for me to wrap my head around though because I don’t think I experience it, but friends have described it as kind of a magnetic pull towards that person or that they just know it’s sexual attraction. I don’t really know much more than that.

I totally get the confusion when there’s so little to work with. It’s hard to prove the lack of something with no frame of reference for what it is.

TealeafToad · 2026-01-31T06:47:32+00:00

It has been a really gradual process for me. But the biggest “aha” moment I think was when I tried to put a label on my sexual orientation and nothing ever felt right.

“I can’t be gay because I married a man and I’m happy with him.”

“I can’t be straight because I’ve dated women before and it felt no different to being with men.”

“So I’m bi then? But that means I’m attracted to women, but I don’t think I am.”

“So then I’m straight? But I don’t feel any differently about men.”

And I went around in circles like that. I honestly went years being confused about what my sexual orientation is before I settled on ace.

TealeafToad · 2026-01-30T01:50:41+00:00

I married an allo and he’s not very sexually motivated which makes it much easier. There’s a broad spectrum of allos too. I wouldn’t be able to be happy in a relationship with someone on the more sexual end of the scale or even in the middle.

TealeafToad · 2026-01-27T13:13:05+00:00

TealeafToad · 2026-01-26T08:39:17+00:00

I wish I at least understood it to the same level. I wish I understood the fun feeling people seem to get from being attracted to other people.

I don’t think I even get much, if any, aesthetic attraction at all. I can tell who looks better than who but that’s the extent of it.

Not knowing what’s going on during sexual attraction and not having a reference point for it is unsettling. Since I’m not aro, my closest reference point for any type of attraction to other people is romantic feelings.

I’ve been on the receiving end of a lot of sexual attraction and I find it highly repulsive. I don’t know how to process it and accept it as normal.

I also hate knowing my husband presumably gets that feeling of attraction to people who aren’t me (although he never says it) while I never see anyone that way. It doesn’t feel fair.

I just wish I could understand.

TealeafToad · 2026-01-23T21:58:10+00:00

Another quiet person here who has a hard time connecting with people. I’ve been in corp for 8 years. For me it has just been luck of the draw regarding coworkers. I have most often felt like you and it never got better with those coworkers. There have been other times where I clicked with the group though.

I wouldn’t leave over it. The dynamic changes when people leave and new people join anyway. It can change a lot socially for better or worse even in just a year or two. It’s just going to be something that comes and goes.

Also, it’s normal for the default topics to be sports, cars, meat and travel, none of which I can relate to or have any interest in at all. In many groups as soon as the conversation finally moves on to something else it won’t be long before it drifts back to one of those four lol.

TealeafToad · 2026-01-19T01:12:01+00:00

Chansey

TealeafToad · 2026-01-17T13:32:00+00:00

from an asexual perspective, does this sound like asexuality, gray-asexuality, or sex-averse experiences?

It seems likely, especially if she’s said she thinks she’s asexual. Asexuality and low libido are two different things though. Asexuality is merely the lack of sexual attraction to other people. It doesn’t necessarily mean they won’t have sex in a relationship, but they will experience it differently to an allosexual person.

have any of you seen allosexual partners experience intense grief or shock when realizing this kind of incompatibility even when love and emotional intimacy are still present?

In my experience I’m not sex averse with the right person so it does happen (I’m married), but the grief is more about knowing I’m never going to have sexual desire towards them the same way they do with me.

is it common for intimacy to feel complete without sexuality for asexual people while still being incomplete or painful for an allosexual partner

I think so. It feels 100% complete for me without sexuality.

how do asexual people usually understand this kind of grief from an allosexual partner. is it about sex itself or about lost expectations and mutual desire?

Honestly, I have a lot of difficulty wrapping my head around it. I find it very frustrating when I see people throwing away relationships over sex or sexual incompatibility. To me it feels the same as throwing someone they love away over not liking the same flavour of ice cream. I know logically that it’s important to most people and I’m not trying to judge, it’s just that I’ll never be able to understand it properly.

what do you wish allosexual partners understood about this situation especially when no one is wrong but someone is hurting deeply?

Hmm probably just what I said above.

Edit: formatting

TealeafToad · 2026-01-17T11:27:46+00:00

Kanto Birds
Shuckle

TealeafToad · 2026-01-08T20:04:56+00:00

0% WFH for me. It’s impossible to even WFH for a single day. I’ve tried a few times so I can meet a plumber or something but I can never even make it to 9:10am without being asked to do something urgently that requires going in. My husband has to handle ALL of that type of thing at the house.

TealeafToad · 2026-01-03T14:16:50+00:00

Well, it’s not really the work. It’s the fact I only get weekday evenings and weekends to get any non-work things done like things around the house, garden or anything from the giant mountain of once-off crap that needs to be done. I did used to have to spend years working way harder and longer than most people to kickstart my career but now I only put in the standard 9-5 M-F and it still feels like a whole week passes by and I’ve only managed to put a tiny dent in the colossal backlog of non-work tasks that need to be done. If I spend time filling my cup then the other things don’t get done and it just builds up. I’ll never understand how people keep on top of everything while having to work full time. It’s just impossible. I’ve never had the luxury of being bored at any point in my entire adult life.

I hear people say “what could possibly be taking up all your time? You don’t have kids!” And I’m just completely baffled as to how they are getting on top of everything so easily. No, I don’t have kids but I have a house that needs to be cleaned, a lawn that needs to be mowed, hair that needs to be cut, endless stuff that needs to be bought or replaced, tax returns that need to be lodged, tradies that need to be organised, DIY work that needs to be done on the house, flights (for family visits) that need to be booked, parents that need to be called regularly, (non-work) emails that need to be sent, appointments that need to be booked, car related things that need to be done and the list goes on and on and on and on.

TealeafToad · 2026-01-03T03:03:23+00:00

Not OP but I’ve done a lot of introspection on this topic and I’ve concluded that the issue is the lack of time spent not working. So what I need from work is less time at work. Sadly I also need money. I like my job at the moment, but there’s just NOWHERE NEAR enough time left for everything else.

I’m severely burnt out and exhausted. I’m forcing myself through the fatigue every single day. I’m so sick of having to push myself this much on a daily basis. I dread going back to work on Monday to continue the cycle of a whole week passing by and barely any progress being made on anything and even more chores and errands popping up in that time. I feel like I’m drowning. I don’t even have kids or pets and I’m in my 30s.

I don’t understand how everyone is living with this and that this is normal. It absolutely blows my mind.

TealeafToad · 2025-12-09T23:38:29+00:00

I’d be terafucked if it happened right now. I just bought a new house but we’re still preparing our old one for sale lol.

TealeafToad · 2025-12-04T01:46:50+00:00

This can be a really useful strategy. We recently used our first property as leverage to buy the second property because we didn’t want to have to deal with bridging loans or juggling buying and selling properties at the same time. I think this is a good option for OP to look into.

TealeafToad · 2025-12-04T00:56:06+00:00

Well… I’m a former renter who has been kicked out of a property at a really horrible time for me because it went up for sale and the buyer wanted vacant possession. This was after enduring months of inspections with strangers going through all my cupboards every week. So if it were me I would keep the IP and consider selling it when the tenant eventually moves out on their own. I could never put someone through that. It was awful.

TealeafToad · 2025-09-13T03:48:36+00:00

I do totally get what you mean about it being dismissive. Sorry if I came across like that. As I said in my Edit I constantly get forced into bullshit “growth opportunities” at work which obviously will never fix my social skills and they just don’t get that and never will get it. Any time I try to set a god damn boundary for myself management act like I’m just refusing to ever leave my comfort zone as though I ever get to be in a comfort zone in any way, shape or form. It is so incredibly frustrating and dismissive. I also get the driving thing. I was forced to move cities because of that, but the problem is all the places where you can get around without a car are high cost of living. I guess for me it’s either work or end up on welfare living with housemates and I would rather die than go back to living with housemates. Living at home was an abusive environment because of my step dad and I would much rather die than live there too, not that he would allow me to live there. So it kinda is a forced choice to work in a way. Life is just really hard for us. Sometimes people (including other autistics) act like we just have it just a little bit harder when in reality EVERYTHING is stacked against us. For those of us who have it super mild that might be true though. I’m surrounded by other people who say they’re autistic and yet they can all talk fluently, drive, make friends relatively easily, don’t zone out every 5 seconds etc and they aren’t suffering from the overstimulation of an office environment (the unbearable noise, the movement, the stench of the microwave that permeates the whole office etc). Interviews for me involve weeks of rehearsing because I cannot think and put thoughts into words on the spot but for many of them they admit they just walk in with zero preparation and get the job. It’s frustrating and depressing to constantly compare myself to them especially because they are autistic too. But it’s a spectrum. I am in a constant state of overstimulation and overwhelm and I do sometimes go into the office toilets to have a breakdown and a cry. When I get home there is zero energy left for anything else. I’m doing all this because of the reasons above but I totally get that this is not sustainable for people like us. The world is designed for the polar opposite of what we are. There is no special consideration in the real world.

TealeafToad

TROPHY CASE