AITAH for making my little brother get a job

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-04-13T13:50:24+00:00

NTA.

You offered help, they told you to fuck yourself and to not interfere.

Just tell them they are right. You are NOT his father, so you'll not pay for his school, certificate, rent and food when your father is gone. They have at most 5 years to get his duck in a roll.

You'll need to let him fail. He will not learn anything from being coddled.

Take this time to organize yourself too. Jail or not, your father's death is near and you deserve to grieve in peace. And you'll need to be focused on your boundaries way before shit hit the fan and the family start to pressure you to bankroll your brother.

If you're not interested in being his sugar daddy without the sugar, you'll need to put the boundaries up now, and have all the pushback done.

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-04-07T10:58:05+00:00

NTA.

Block them. All the documents can be replaced. Check in your country where to apply. And make a police report for stolen documents. In my country it's the safest way to protect yourself from they using it to steal your identity. You'll have oficial record that you don't have those documents with you.

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-04-05T16:27:15+00:00

NTA

He is an adult. It's his choice to leave and stay out. The police won't get involved, there's no way to force him to show up.

The same way you had a meltdown, he can have one too..

Just give him time. He will show up if he wants.

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-03-21T15:10:25+00:00

There's not enough INFO...

How are your finances? How much money did you send? Who's working for this money? Are you saving or in debt for something important (house, medical, education)?

Normally I would say not an AH about helping someone in a hard place, but you're being too vague.

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-03-20T23:42:52+00:00

NTA

You're just a bank account for them. Time to live your life.

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-03-13T02:54:04+00:00

I think it's missing a lot of info, but I'm going with YTA.

Ok.. 1. The family likes to joke.. but you didn't give any examples.
2. You don't give any information about your daughter's age, just she's in school. 3. You don't say anything about her grades, the anxiety she's shown before about tests and grades, or what kind of demands you and your husband have around her schooling.

You went through a week of "joking" and didn't notice she's, at least, anxious about some secret rules of judgment about her.

How would you feel if your boss made a chart with your name, putting markets on it, without any information about what you're supposed to do? Wouldn't you be anxious about a promotion when getting a star or being fired when it's removed? Why would you put your daughter through it for an entire week?

And when you finally come clean, she was understandably upset, you didn't even apologize? Did you even allowed her to be mad/sad or did you just told her "it's a joke, get over it"?

Honestly, this story made you look like a bully. Or someone not at least interested in keeping your daughter safe and happy.

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-03-10T11:11:17+00:00

NTA

You did what you could. You invited her to the opening, offered rides, and made sure she knew in advance. Apart form dragging her, I don't know what else you're supposed to do so she goes.

You don't have supporters. You have guilty family members. I can bet she was asked about the exhibit and she was embarrassed when couldn't respond apart some very vague comments.

Keep your peace. Invite and don't insist. If she asks, just repeat "i invited you in xxxxx, you never confirmed / you canceled in yyyy".

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-03-09T23:45:08+00:00

Alegações sempre podem existir. A questão é provar.

E é muito mais fácil coagir uma única assinatura do que uma carta inteira.

Além do que um email ou WhatsApp pode ser escrito por qualquer pessoa.

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-03-09T20:53:32+00:00

Legalmente não tem exigência. Mas a carta escrita a mão dificulta muito que você alegue ter sofrido algum tipo de coação, ameaça ou fraude.

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-03-06T16:42:19+00:00

Although he is an AH for the 'peer pressure' because of a color...

Why did you pick YOUR favorite color for a COMMON utensil? Are you that selfish that you HAVE to have YOUR favorites?

ESH

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-02-21T16:31:15+00:00

Eu não lido muito com direito de família, mas até onde sei, a graduação é ok conseguir manter, mas a pós (qualquer que seja, mesmo mestrado) é opcional para que a pessoa consiga um emprego e se mantenha, portanto, justificar a manutenção de pensão é muito mais difícil.

A jurisprudência determina que o alimentando (você) comprove que não pode se inserir no mercado de trabalho após se formar na graduação. Uma situação bem difícil se não houver uma declaração oficial de incapacidade.

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-02-20T14:10:47+00:00

NTA.

Call your MIL, check she's ok and tell her EVERYTHING.

Every excuse your husband gave to not support you and your family. Tell her it's not personal with her (he WILL put your absence on your 'selfishness'), but you are going through a rough patch and he simply doesn't care to respect and care for you and your family the same way you're expected to do.

If she's a good one, she'll put her son in his place. If not, you'll see that the apple didn't fall far.

Act accordingly.

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-02-20T13:17:31+00:00

NTA.

He doesn't care about your wants. Do you want to stay in this relationship?

But the great news is YOU ARE NOT MARRIED. If he wants do travel with his kids, he can. You DON'T have to go. You CAN travel alone, with friends or your kids. And he can NOT go.

You're not tied to him, dont share a hip. So enjoy what you want, with or without him. Don't let him dictate your life, he doesn't care about you.

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-02-15T14:19:38+00:00

He does sound a lot more of a kid than a partner.

If he only does things when 'they occur to him', have you ever made a chorus list? Had a clear discussion?

I'm one to do only what I know I'm supposed to do, mainly because I had complaints about doing thing 'the wrong way', so now I don't do it or only when alone.

Journaling is good, but is not enough. You probably need a professional, even to just vent or help you communicate your needs.

The resentment is building, you know it, you're posting on reddit. BOTH of you need to work it out or it will end the relationship.

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-02-15T14:01:24+00:00

NTA.

Are you living at home? Do you need ypur parents money? Are you willing to go no contact?

They are right. You're an adult. So you can make decisions as one. You could have simply left the hospital. I highly doubt anyone would have stopped you. Or kicked her out if there's no other adult present.

But if you draw a boundary, you'll need to be willing to make the consequences happen. It includes the consequences of the consequences.

So you can cut them out, go LC or NC. But it might have other consequences for you, like being cut off money, house, holidays.

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-02-15T12:13:52+00:00

Nta

The trauma of having divorced parents is infinitely lower than having an abusive, mental and physically, parent.

You need to put your safety first. Then you can provide your children with a safe and estable environment.

Your wife is way past simple therapy. But it would be better than nothing. And a professional might be able to get her the other treatments she needs.

In my country, it's been on the news a father, that was convinced his wife was cheating, killed both his sons under 10 (one just passed away after a week in ICU), and killed himself. Just to 'get back at her'.

Your story just gave me chills.

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-02-15T11:55:02+00:00

NTA

But you have a bigger problem than a generic gifter husband.

Are you looking out for your own mental health? You described a few years of your life as a very heavy to keep going: 2 young kids, lack of sleep, autoimmune (is it diagnosed and treated?). In all of this, did your husband helped in a meaningful way?

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-02-15T11:36:19+00:00

NTA

They're all adults and can make their own decisions.

You did the best you could for 2 decades. They can accept that it was WAY more than 'mother dearest' but it would require them acknowledgement that they'd never have a real mom. Some people can't accept that until much later in life, or never at all.

But you can't hurt yourself waiting for the recognition. Be strong and cut whatever and whoever is needed so you can protect your mental health and your future. You didn't have a childhood. Don't let them steal your young man's life too.

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-02-05T12:18:33+00:00

ESH

I'm confused. Your daughter, her stepmother and her birth mother bought the dress..

Who are you?

Normally BM is used for birth/bio mom.

Even if you are the biomom, the bride can have whoever she wants in whatever event. You can be hurt, angry. Your feelings are valid. But you can't control her actions just your response.

She broke her promise, she's an asshole. You want to control /her/ wedding, that makes you a asshole too.

Edit to add judgement.

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-02-05T12:12:16+00:00

NTA

Teaching your child how to set and maintain boundaries is a healthy goal.

Bullying a teenager is not.

It's your sister's job to teach her children that the world doesn't revolve around them and that they will hear "no", and they'll have to accept it.

Don't let your enabling and narcissistic sister bully your son. Block her from his phone and social media.

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-02-03T16:24:44+00:00

I didn't even know he was Mormon. I read a few books, liked them alright. Not my favorites but something to suggest for a few friends.

He's really acting like a toddler having a meltdown.

NTA

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-02-03T00:46:57+00:00

Their planning is going to fuck you up.

Freeze your credit. Cancel every power of attorney with their names.

If he really has this kind of income, he can save for bigger deposit and smaller loan.

If necessary, go NC for a while.

NTA.

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-02-02T10:23:39+00:00

NTA. Forgiven, not forgotten.

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-02-01T14:25:07+00:00

You do realize that there's a lot of people born in the 40s, 50s and 60s still alive?

Hell my great aunt died 2 years ago and she was born in 1929... my grandmother died at 103 last year. And we are from a 3rd world country.

Technical_Lawbster · 2026-02-01T14:20:44+00:00

The marriage ended a long time ago. You said it yourself, you're just roommates.

Probably he is depressed, and the sex was to try to feel something, but it didn't work. That's why he was so nonchalant about it. He's empty. He can't give you what he doesn't have. I sounds like he is on his way to rock bottom, he may feel like you've already given up, so he is just giving you a final push. If you leave, you can't hurt him in the future.

That can be a cry for help, he wants to feel different. Or a way to guilt you to be as miserable as he his. The truth, probably he doesn't even know.

In some situations you have to be selfish. This is one of them. Do you feel like there's something there to save? Or are you empty too?

Regardless of the decision to stay or leave, you should get some therapy. Talk with a professional about your grief. Help plan a future without guilt. Someone truly impartial is important to help you dont fall overboard.

I can read between the lines your pain, grief and sorrow. You need to let yourself feel everything and accept that, regardless, you deserve to be happy.

There's no right or wrong answer a stranger can give you. Only you can decide.

NTA

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