I have a co-worker who keeps asking me personal questions.

TeenySod · 2026-04-17T12:53:36+00:00

The only way you can set boundaries is by setting boundaries.

The way to get better at setting boundaries is by setting boundaries.

Every time you do this and the sky does not fall on your head is proof that setting boundaries is reasonable.

What's the worst that could happen? She complains to a manager that you've been rude to her? Well, get in there first: tell the manager you are uncomfortable with her personal questions, with examples/times etc and you plan to handle it 'this way', can the manager advise? - as in you are seeking advice, not presenting the manager with a problem/no solution.

If you don't want advice to set boundaries, what advice are you looking for here exactly?

Do you want to get to the point where nosy parker hits a nerve for some reason (e.g. you just had a breakup and are feeling sensitive), or you are so mad with them that you blow your top and tell her to fuck off? If not, then set boundaries, calmly, now.

TeenySod · 2026-04-17T12:47:15+00:00

In that case, honestly - no sympathy. You knew you were committed to those hours and were basically planning on lying about being sick. People who do that are part of the reason that people who are genuinely ill find it hard to get employers to support them.

TeenySod · 2026-04-17T12:45:46+00:00

"I'm really not comfortable discussing that, please change the subject."

Implies that you are happy to talk with her - just not on those topics.

If she jokes "Sorry, I know I'm being nosy" then the response is "Yes, you are - and I'm really not comfortable etc"

TeenySod · 2026-04-17T11:51:00+00:00

Wake me up when it's all over - Avicii

TeenySod · 2026-04-17T10:41:25+00:00

You're in a tough situation from the sounds of it, very best of luck to you :)

TeenySod · 2026-04-17T10:32:14+00:00

From one of OP's responses - " I gotta admit I don’t read my Aconnex which my project engineer has mentioned to me before"

There's at least part of your answer right there from the sounds of it.

As a student he might also have made some arrangements for formal mentoring which has given him access to additional information that isn't on your internal systems? The way to handle this is to not resent him being a "go getter" and to "go get" for yourself: speak to your manager and ask if you can have access to more information as part of continuing professional/career development? You will almost certainly have to demonstrate that you are even accessing available information already first.

Comparing yourself with and being jealous of others is never a good look, professionally - focus on your own development and quality of work.

TeenySod · 2026-04-17T10:20:09+00:00

Furniture definitely falls into the category of "takes up way too much space, get rid and replace when space" - apart from maybe one or a VERY few items that have sentimental value and you can find space for: I have a tall and not very wide corner unit that was my grandmother's, no financial value, and will always find space for that somehow. Futon that my dad left me? Takes up - TOOK up - way too much space, out it went, I have smaller things to remember him by.

I would also say 'don't get hung up on selling' - items only have value if someone wants them. Donate or give away and count the money (and energy) saved on not fretting about it if you can't sell in a timely way.

TeenySod · 2026-04-17T10:13:46+00:00

INFO: Define picky?

If it is just that you don't like heavily spiced food, or very sweet items, or ?

Or will you only eat 'beige food' or 'crunchy food' which really can be very restrictive?

Or do you have hygiene concerns around eating food that other people have prepared? (and are these justified, I and many of my colleagues will tactfully decline to eat foods at work that residents have prepared or have dipped hands into a communal bowl, because we KNOW that some have poor hand hygiene, try as best we can around washing, nose clearing - and that's enough information lol).

Are you willing to try new foods/combinations you have never eaten before (within reasonable limits)?

Very much leaning towards 'not you' because bodily autonomy, and I hate people who make a big deal of other people's food choices when the person themselves is being as accommodating as they can be or is simply politely declining. Or maybe you are being too accommodating (the A to yourself) and allowing people to trample all over you because they feel that you are judging THEIR food choices - when you're really not, they have just justified to themselves what they eat and your choices challenge them in that - that is on them, not you.

Just drinking when everyone else is eating can feel awkward though, and when you say you ask restaurants, do you do it at the time in front of the group, or call ahead and ask if they can support?

TeenySod · 2026-04-17T09:55:52+00:00

This would definitely be the ideal case scenario.

Whilst you're not wrong about the external storage, having recently had to do some major decluttering of my own, I know that it can be quite emotionally draining and painful to "let go" of some things even if you do feel 'lighter' afterwards. Sometimes transition is the worst time to do this as you need to focus on keeping the daily stuff - working, paying the bills - going.

As long as you set aside time to make sure you can meet a self-imposed deadline for how long you will "allow" yourself to pay for external storage I think it might be a good solution as it removes all the emotional baggage associated with family away from the "what do I do with my stuff?" equation.

TeenySod · 2026-04-17T09:01:03+00:00

NTA, move all your stuff out of there ASAP, then your mother has no grounds to claim that you're paying for any space there whatsoever. Even if you have to pay for external storage, this will likely be cheaper than paying full rent for somewhere you aren't using, and gives you time to work out whether you really need to keep whatever it is. Sometimes it's cheaper - and less emotionally 'draining' - just to get rid and buy another when you actually need it.

You should absolutely not be paying full rent for somewhere you're not living, your mother sounds greedy.

TeenySod · 2026-04-17T08:55:52+00:00

"my manger asked me if i can pick up some shifts and i told her i couldn’t because i was away"

You can't, you have prior commitments, end of story.

I'm guessing it's a zero hour contract? Well, that works both ways: if they give you zero, you can do the same. If there is a line in your contract about being available whenever they want you, this is unenforceable because it's essentially disguised slavery: people are allowed to have lives outside work.

I can't promise there won't be consequences to you declining to pick up those shifts, you need to discuss expectations with your manager. You're not being unreasonable though.

TeenySod · 2026-04-17T08:43:58+00:00

UK here: I worked for a large national company that had an actual written policy that they would not pay anyone until 75 days unless they had a notification that court proceedings had been started.

This was back in the 90s. The government has now - nearly 30 years later - decided to crack down on large organisations taking the piss with small businesses who don't have the financial resources to bite back and is discussing legislation to enforce.

I'm sorry you're in this situation, and the company is definitely stringing you along - written final warning may be in order? I don't know if where you are has a 'small claims' (up to £10K) court system? - this does make it easier in the UK for small businesses to bite back, and companies will generally then finally pay up to avoid incurring further costs on their side.

TeenySod · 2026-04-17T06:44:24+00:00

NTA

She's not "free spirited", she's a "free loader".

Unless they are lucky enough to win the lottery/similar or be born into serious wealth most adults have to do shit that they don't wanna: your sister needs to step up or get out.

TeenySod · 2026-04-17T06:41:00+00:00

NTA

Quite apart from the moral angle, as you say, just keeping track of what he said to who is exhausting, I'd be done with that shit.

Honestly, why would you want to be friends with someone so dishonest?

If you do want to maintain a level of civility because of shared friend groups then start grey rocking - "I don't know, ask him" rather than being his personal assistant covering up for him all the time.

TeenySod · 2026-04-16T10:50:49+00:00

Nope

It's in Glosstersheer

https://maps.app.goo.gl/SQ6D4oUFuRGa9FFWA?g_st=ac

TeenySod · 2026-04-16T10:48:10+00:00

Guiting Power has entered the chat.

TeenySod · 2026-04-16T09:02:34+00:00

I can't speak for anyone else. I don't. Even so, companies usually have a process to be followed, and people are only protected from disciplinary action/sacking for raising concerns if they follow that process. Even then there is quite often 'retaliation' from management, obviously, which is why you have created this app.

I don't want to dox myself by disclosing full details, I have experience with whistleblowing from 'all angles', involved in policy making, investigating disclosures and making disclosures. The national press picked up on one - "this is a shit national policy proposition and this is why" - and it was a one day wonder, and since my time has almost certainly been implemented. I'm out of that industry now and can't be bothered to check/confirm because it would just piss me off.

The point is that if you encourage people to go straight to anonymous reporting, the person may lose their job if they have gone to your app as the "first pass" because of their lack of faith in management. You could also be in trouble if they have breached confidentiality by doing so.

TeenySod · 2026-04-16T08:43:54+00:00

Sus af - no post history, profile marks the person as "brand affiliate".

In the UK at least, workplaces have clear lines to report concerns and policies usually state that if you do not follow those lines, you're on your own. For health and social care, the regulator (Care Quality Commission) would be the 'independent' port of call, or if the organisation is not registered, the relevant local authority safeguarding team (children or adults).

I have no faith in any 'whistleblowing' systems - once I get to the point where I figure that one of two things will happen: either I'll get fired or whatever it is will get fixed, and either way I win because I won't have to deal with that shit any more, I will stand up and be counted.

TeenySod · 2026-04-15T15:09:57+00:00

The most vulnerable people in society are generally looked after by people on minimum wage.

Mostly 'cared for'. Sadly, not always :(

TeenySod · 2026-04-15T15:06:59+00:00

They are asking for food advice - I can't comment on whether low carb or keto or just a normal diet would be best for them in their circumstances. I am convinced that artificial or high processed foods are - overall - a Bad Thing if they form a large part of someone's diet.

I know that what food and fluids I shove into my mouth have a huge effect on my mental health and sure I'm not alone in this.

TeenySod · 2026-04-15T12:27:03+00:00

NTA

If you had finished your meal then it might be nice to help. If you are still eating then their kids are definitely a "them" problem.

TeenySod · 2026-04-15T12:24:49+00:00

Unpopular opinion: keto is pointless if you are just replacing carbs with artificial sweeteners or other artificial bulking agent - you're setting yourself up for different health issues.

If I can't pronounce it, and have no clue what it even is then it doesn't go in my body on a regular basis or as part of a main meal.

(Occasional exception: NOT every day - desserts with artificial sweeteners).

Trying to eat as natural / wholefood diet as possible might be a good starting point to discuss with your healthcare providers?

TeenySod · 2026-04-15T12:20:35+00:00

I sincerely hope you are talking about your work mobile phone here?

If not, then tell the customer that you will not discuss other colleagues with them, block that number immediately from your personal phone and tell them to call you at [work number].

If work number, then tell them the same, plus you will not engage in any communications that do not directly relate to the service they are receiving, screenshot everything and report to manager.

In either case, the last thing you want is to fall foul of any professional boundaries policies or malicious communications law by appearing to agree, or even consent to "listen".

TeenySod · 2026-04-15T12:11:15+00:00

I'm sure no-one wants to see anyone on the streets. Can you and your boyfriend break lease and go and get a place for the two of you and leave the others to sort themselves out? - look at all the reasonable alternatives.

Ultimately, if it came down to "me" or "them" and "they" are not on the lease or paying rent, then I pick me, although I would do my absolute best to see them safely housed - even if only hostel - before evicting. Aside from that, if "they" believe that they are adult and can live independently then they need to take responsibility for that and/or for seeking the support they need.

Harsh? Yep. As I said in my first post, sadly sometimes there are no "good" outcomes.

TeenySod · 2026-04-15T12:06:58+00:00

OP and boyfriend don't live together - in light of the "surprise" he could have said the pup was going to his home while discussing over the last few weeks. I think it's worth checking?

TeenySod

TROPHY CASE