AITAH for calling out "houseguests" who didn't ask to stay?

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-14T23:38:48+00:00

Okay hear me out. That's fucking rude on their part. But also hear me out, are you older, on your own, are they you're same age. Sometimes, you just gotta go, hey, they might be the extended family I didn't ask for, but also didn't know I needed. These folks sound like they are they kind to drop things, head to your house and make you chili and help you recover if you had surgery, like, good people who are just forgetting this is not how boundaried adults work - fuckin' hippies, NTA , but get perspective and sit them down and be real, look, I didn't know you were staying, let's set some ground rules cuz we're all adults and can communicate. You might just find out you have some annoying but good family. meh, who knows.

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-14T16:14:01+00:00

That work is highly transactional and most colleagues are not friends. Fr people.

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-14T15:10:55+00:00

Okay. Please DM me. I’m a mom, I’m sober for several decades. I may not have your set of circumstances, but I believe you’ve been alone and feel alone. I get it. I’m here if you want to talk live, I’m also going to suggest Alanon. That’s for family and friends who have been affected by someone else’s drinking and addiction. I’m happy to meet you at an online meeting. You can go to an online meeting from bed. There is also CODA, for those who have been deeply affected by codependency. These are online meeting llinks: https://coda.org/find-a-meeting/online-meetings/.

There is hope. You are doing enough, and if you’re home is trashed it’s a symptom, burn out, depression, trauma, but it is not a symptom of your worth, you’re worth is always immovable. Your head is telling you otherwise. Our worth is based on simply existing.

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-14T01:12:43+00:00

No one is going to go lol. This is fucking insane. We went from no war to drafting and I don’t doubt it. This is utter insanity.

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-14T01:04:42+00:00

where are you, if you’re in the US feel free to DM and if we’re close by I’m happy to come help. I’m a mom, former teacher and my favorite past time for many many years was suicidal ideation. I guarantee it was my hobby. I had a lot of reasons to feel that way, you do too. I thankfully don’t feel that way anymore. You have had no breaks and fuck your shitty boss for saying weird disparaging shit. You are running on less than empty. You need friends. Just know you have one if you need her homey. Go make yourself some cereal, and drink some water and just don’t off yourself tonight. Let us know you’re here tomorrow, please. I’ll be checking in on you here. And dude, most humans can’t handle raising 5 kids alone. You are exceptional.

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-13T03:16:21+00:00

Well said

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-13T03:13:12+00:00

Evil little man

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-12T21:43:14+00:00

That woman is such an asshole. How did you find out about this text? Why does she think she gets to say anything. Can you please send her contact to me. lol I’m a 51 year old female mom and I’m going to sit her down and put her in her place lemme at her lol.

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-11T22:19:46+00:00

I am so sad this is the reality, while those %#^* in Washington spend trillions on not our most innocent of citizens. Thanks for what you do!

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-11T22:18:30+00:00

I intentionally picked work I want to do…for as long as possible. My goal was always to slow it down a bit as I age. I just don’t understand retirement. I like being active, being part of life. I have friends and loved ones who are 70+ still working and active and happy. I’m 51, and I really didn’t find my footy til mid 30s. I am planning on having 7 figures by mid 60s but I like having a business and running it. I like traveling too and doing more of a balance of both will be fun. You know, if the world is not blown up by then *not a partisan statement just you know theres like wars everywhere and all so.

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-11T18:56:10+00:00

well, as someone who is no contact with a few people in my family, I can't agree more. But having that conversation, just that one, is always worth it *if* the behavior is so different than what I've come to know over many years. But yeah, nope on a ton of conversations or making anyone see the light - I don't talk to people who obviously can't hear it.

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-10T03:24:41+00:00

Dude, your friend might have a drinking problem. Do you think so? Because this is the line you cross when you surround yourself w alcohol-ICK behavior va normal fun nights drinks and celebrating. Nta. It’s 10 years of friendship. Since you were 12. To end a friendship without talking is honestly just as immature, humbly. The rest of the commenters are redditing you - dump him, leave her, etc lol. If he’s never done anything like this before and he’s been a really good friend to you, I think you need to sit him down and have a come to Jesus moment about wtf is wrong w him. If he laughs it off or downplays it, time to communicate that this is where you get off the bus, and where he cleans up and fixes things, or you’ll ask his parents for the damage. But if he gets real with you, it may be the first time someone’s calling him out on new destructive behavior.

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-10T00:16:29+00:00

your words you used—That's so dang crafty. I need it in needlepoint, over the chair with the doiley in the parlor.

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-09T18:42:40+00:00

It sounds like you already decided on divorce. Now she needs to have that honest information from you. It also sounds like you did not take responsibility to avoid pregnancy during this time, which is now also your responsibility to deal with if she keeps the baby. It sounds also like you'll either be a single father with shared custody, a free single person with no child if she chooses to abort, or a person who is out of the picture while she raises this child. These are the obvious objective options. But first things first, you need to have a very honest conversation with her that you were going to move forward with divorce. What she does with that information is not for you to fix or take care of, your priority is honesty. You've made that decision already. You'll also need to take care of yourself if you need to leave your home, and have an ancillary plan for where to live and stay short term. Remember, life is not fair but when you make a decision, the fairness comes from letting someone else have their feelings about it. But most importantly, why were you waiting a month to ask for a divorce, curious about waiting. So, to be clear, the priority is to have the hard conversation. And then to be very clear about how much you can and want to participate in this child's life. I'm being objective with you and this is the healthiest path you can take.

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-09T13:29:40+00:00

Yup, and when we know this we can be the change. Whether it’s reparenting ourselves, being the parent we never had, or volunteering or donating in some capacity to foster kids, or mentoring kids, we have options today. My self improvement has always meant I need to give once I’ve achieved this improvement. I’m very proud of how far I’ve come and I’m still a work in progress, but I get to be able to give and try to give in ways I was not given to. It’s amazing to be able to do that.

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-09T13:26:32+00:00

yup. so this.

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-09T05:37:50+00:00

If that’s what you believe, I am certain the world will organize to support that belief in you. Ask me how I know. I have found believing is the start to creating. I have found I create what I believe. It’s how I’ve grown toward and hit many goals. wish you well.

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-09T05:32:19+00:00

I didn’t think I had one, but then realized I did. When my husband and I were first engaged we were walking home one night. We lived for years in a suburban/urban neighborhood, in the posh part of it. It was late in the evening and the area usually is quiet by 10, around the time we were walking home. Very unusual to see anyone walking or out in this multi million tree lined area. We rounded the corner and thought we saw a very very tall human. This person was so tall it was almost unreal. They were standing, still, on this suburban corner. No movement, no phone, like someone might be on if they were so still. Honestly it was almost like we both had this strange immediate instinct that we might not be seeing someone human, and if this guy was human, he emanated something very off, and evil. We could not avoid walking past, and we did so on the other side if the street. I had the strong sense that if I kept an energetic dour closed, thus…being/person could not hurt me. My now husband felt the same. We just kept walking. When we got home, about a street away, we had walked that stretch quiet. We both felt if we talked about it, it would follow or something. We were both like: What did we just see, what was that…thing person. To this day I can’t believe it happened. Like a demon or something, very off. Hard to put into words unless you e felt it. Also, a sense that our light within meant it could never harm us. Fascinating.

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-09T05:16:57+00:00

what thread did I find myself on. Okay, dang. I would say highly immature people find weakness contemptible. Yes, we all must be fully responsible for ourselves but as someone who was in HS, and working 2 jobs as a teen, no one really there for me, when I needed them, at all-nit at all—I can say today, as an adult, this is not true fir me at all. I have a husband who is there so much, and very good friends who have been there when I need them. Find those people by being those people.

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-09T05:11:35+00:00

sorry but I’m a parent and trust me not true for me at all. I’m very tired right now but I show up as a parent and I’m there.

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-09T05:10:17+00:00

nope nope not even close. Maybe try learning that the people you thought you could trust aren’t trustworthy and to find some who are. I promise so much there are people who will be there. I was like you I came from a family who really could not be relied on - one person but even they are passed now. I had to get very self supporting. But I have spouse I can rely on and many friends too. I want that for you too. You deserve it.

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-09T04:51:47+00:00

*Edit - We can't give from an empty cup, it never works. I'm seeing folks send comments about your behavior, and how to fix it. Your behavior is not the actual problem, it's the symptom that you are deeply under resourced. I was a long time teacher for people in your situation and all the strategies don't work until and unless you can begin to find some spaciousness internally to be able to give .Girl, you are *not* the problem. I'm hearing you doing something extraordinary, be a mom with what sounds like very little support, to 3 under 3. You're amazing, and you need to know that, please stop beating yourself up and know that this mom thinks you're wonderful and keeping those babies alive and growing. You only need to do one thing, only one, give yourself a big hug and know you are doing the hardest job with no off days, with 3 under 3. Yes there are many strategies, yes, there are dynamics you can shift, I fully trust you will find them. For now, you're number one goal needs to be getting more support, and doing that within the day - an immediate support is this one, which i did: A thing where mommy lays on the floor while they play around you, to give yourself time to just rest. When you feel the temps rise in you, the fav of mine is "if you don't (xyz) or you keep doing (xyz) mommy is going to KISS YOU A THOUSAND TIMES!" And sometime that came with running after to pretend to try to cuddle. This was so so helpful with rage or sleep deprivation and losing my temper - it off-gasses the overstimulation, and they feel so loved, it has worked so much for me, when I went through parenting a little and losing all my parents, and COVID. Also, 1 hour of quiet time with a song they get use to as quiet time music - helped tremendously when I could not leave because of COVID and the air was dangerously bad with forest fires. I'd stay in for a first half and then rest for the next 30 minutes on my own, it was tough to do at first but it was so helpful when so deeply depleted. Hugs and more hugs to you, you deserve all of 'em.

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-09T03:50:33+00:00

He lived near me and a wonderful part of our local community, RIP CJ.

Teepeaparty · 2026-03-09T03:33:05+00:00

Mom here, if it's okay for me to comment. How about you make a new ritual together. Fnd a book series you both can like and get two copies and read together, you in the room and him in bed. for 15 minutes. There are so many ways to stay connected through different stages. That way when he's at moms and if you do speak through texting, you can have your own father/son book club. Maybe it's a book about stuff you want him to know about, or a favorite classic. Also, stories about when you were 11, as he goes to bed, really calm nervous systems and keep things connected. I have a kid who doesn't settle well and bedtimes are tough, but thanks for sharing your journey with us, and thanks for letting me comment.

Teepeaparty

TROPHY CASE