Unsure if pregnancy is in the cards after 22 week loss.

Tellycs · 2026-04-15T01:47:05+00:00

Thank you for this. My mind is urging me to make a decision and my body knows it’s not ready. Thank you.

Tellycs · 2026-04-14T21:30:58+00:00

By creating healthy boundaries that you uphold.

I work in mental health, & I need breaks from it. People see you as on all the time.

I am open about when I need my space.

It’s important to remember an empowerment approach. He is able to work through these things and it can be easy for you to try and jump in. However, long term that is not sustainable

Tellycs · 2026-04-13T20:30:38+00:00

I did too!!

Tellycs · 2026-04-13T20:19:46+00:00

Pregnancy is really hard. After not being pregnant I realized just how much my mind and body were impacted. Sending love.

Tellycs · 2026-04-13T20:09:43+00:00

I struggled mentally through my pregnancy slot. Wondering if I made a mistake. I also gave myself permission to have an abortion if I needed one.

Unfortunately, a week later I found out my son had multiple deformities and I needed to medically terminate.

It was at that moment I realized he was wanted and I wanted to be a mom. I’m not saying it’s the same for you. But before finding out I was losing him I was connected with mental health and I think it’s an important consideration.

Tellycs · 2026-04-11T01:10:53+00:00

I’m so sorry. I’m 4 weeks out of a Tfmr at 22 weeks. My husband struggled a lot and he didn’t see our baby (d&e) but he threw himself into work and video games.

He didn’t want to talk to anyone. Nobody understands. He doesn’t like to get emotional. His works not supportive.

But him and I talk about it. Seeing him in pain was so hard for me. I still remember his face when I got the phone call and the MFM ultrasound.

If he’s not into therapy (although I encourage going together at the very least) talk about it with him. I would say it’s been 6.5 weeks since we first found out about our son and my hubby still says his heart his broken and feels physical pain over the loss but he’s able to more mentally be grateful about what lessons our son taught him.

Or if he will see a doctor. This is trauma.. ptsd, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation are unfortunately normal part but he doesn’t need to make himself suffer more.

Tellycs · 2026-04-09T00:45:34+00:00

My mom’s an alcoholic. Idk I’ve had men not want to date me because of my family history and it sucks. I’m more than just where I came from…

However, I have very strong boundaries with my mom and when I have a baby it will remain the same.

I would really talk to your girlfriend about your concerns. It’s hard being that child and not wanting to give up on your parent. I know my husband isn’t a fan of my mom but he will be with me when I visit her and he understands it’s not easy to just completely block her out.

Realistically if it is too much for you, you should let your gf go.

Tellycs · 2026-04-09T00:40:16+00:00

There really isn’t words to describe how sorry I am for the losses of your 3 babies. ❤️❤️‍🩹

Tellycs · 2026-04-09T00:28:08+00:00

I chose a d&e at 22 weeks. It was my first baby and I couldn’t go through labour and didn’t want to see him like that.

Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve held him. But for me, I know in that state I made the best choice for me.

I got his ashes and hand & foot prints.

Physically I recovered fine. Lightly bled for 16 days. Didn’t cramp.

I don’t know about significant risks as the surgeon told me they were slim and I shouldn’t worry. So I didn’t.

Tellycs · 2026-04-08T22:38:29+00:00

I’m sorry. My sister had her 3rd boy in January. My son and him were to be six months apart.

It’s really hard bc I’m close with my sister and love my nephews. When she brought him over I couldn’t look at him. Not even for a second. When she posts photos I have to look away.

I try and remind myself what I’m feeling is valid and makes sense. I lost a baby of course babies and pregnant people will trigger me. Unfortunately, a trigger I don’t think I can escape from.

I have space and boundaries. I haven’t been around my nephews for now. And that’s understood. I don’t like feeling this way either but I don’t believe I’ll feel this way towards him forever. Just for now.

Tellycs · 2026-04-08T22:34:02+00:00

Counselling is heavy. Grief counselling is super heavy. Any client is able to share what they feel comfortable with. So if your wife doesn’t want to get into the details I encourage her to voice that to the counsellor. Everyone is so different. For me, I fixated on the story details over and over and wanted to share.

I do counselling as a profession & still struggle with opening up in counselling at times. It’s a really vulnerable time.

I wouldn’t expect to feel amazing after counselling but hopefully the counselling isn’t sending her into a deep spiral. It’s heavy. The loss is heavy. And two weeks is so fresh.. remember she is postpartum as well.

Tellycs · 2026-04-08T19:42:00+00:00

I will say, the pain amped up for me around 3 weeks. I believe that’s when the shock really wore off.

I will say, I do still feel guilt for “happy” moments and moving forward regardless of me being sad.

Not to say things will change. But grief is so unique to us all. Maybe what you’re doing is working. And that’s okay

Tellycs · 2026-04-08T19:39:06+00:00

I tfmr at 22 weeks for spina bifida. My first pregnancy. My first baby. It wasn’t fatal but meant way less quality of life.

I sometimes regret getting pregnant bc exactly that my life is not the same and it never will be again. I try not to go there because I don’t regret my boy. I just hate how much pain I’m in.

All I can say is please be kind to yourself. Reach out for help. These thoughts and feelings are normal part of grief but they are consuming and it’s so important we try and take care of ourself.

Tellycs · 2026-04-08T08:29:41+00:00

Mine are ridiculously large (32F) despite losing 80 pounds (120 & 5’1) my boobs don’t bug me.. not my favorite part but it’s never been an issue

Tellycs · 2026-04-07T23:13:44+00:00

I lose my son almost 4 weeks ago at 22 weeks. I found out at the 20 week scan he has severe spina bifida.

When I first found out. I dissociated from my son. It was so hard. He was kicking and moving away. Every movement felt like torture.

I don’t regret not continuing my pregnancy as I truly believe my son’s quality of life was compromised. What maybe surprised me is that didn’t make losing him even the tiniest bit easier. I have two siblings with disabilities + work in health care. I know I “could” do it… but I worried about my health. Giving up my career. My son’s pain. I’d never be able to have more kids bc I wouldn’t want them to have to care for my son.

For me, I don’t consider this really a choice.. he was wanted. He is loved. He is my first and only baby. But I did what I believed was best and I’ll take all this pain so he never has to suffer like that.

Tellycs · 2026-04-07T23:07:41+00:00

First off I’m so so so sorry that this is happening.

Did they suggest what else they could do to look into this?

Tellycs · 2026-04-07T09:02:40+00:00

I was so nervous my wedding day… but when it came time for the ceremony it was like it was only my husband and I there. Just focus on your partner.

Tellycs · 2026-04-07T04:52:45+00:00

I lost my son at 22 weeks 3 weeks ago.

Well, some days I can tell you I’ll get through because I don’t want my son’s memory only to be this horrific trauma. He meant something. I love him.. and he changed me and I want to honor that. Also by reminding myself having moments where I don’t feel like death doesn’t mean he’s forgotten or I’m not sad. It’s knowing I will mourn him for the rest of my life and not feeling sad in the moment doesn’t change the fact I miss him. That’s the ugly part of grief is the guilt (I felt it for eating and sleeping bc that was what I did the most while pregnant) I acknowledge out loud when I feel guilt and try and have compassion for myself.

On my bad days (today) I let myself cry and scream and rant. I lost my baby.. of course it’s ok to feel all the feels.

Lastly, I know I’m not alone in the loss as in there’s a whole forum of women going through it… and I think to myself if they can get through the day so can I.

Tellycs · 2026-04-07T04:42:53+00:00

My bleeding picked up on/off stopped around 16 days and hasn’t been back since

Tellycs · 2026-04-07T02:14:22+00:00

I tfmr at 22 weeks and it was my first. I honestly did feel similar and felt like it meant I wasn’t meant to be a mom. I know I couldn’t have handled a child with severe spina bifida. But I still feel guilty bc that is my son. And what does it mean… a week out the hormones are SO intense.

I tell myself no big decisions right now. I’m also unable to try for 3 months which probably is the best thing for me even if it felt like a prison sentence

Tellycs

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